Halo

anything.”

Xavier scowled. “Is it really necessary for Molly to know every detail of our relationship?”

“Don’t you think about me in that way?” I asked, feeling a sudden tension in my chest. That was a possibility I hadn’t considered. “Is there something wrong with me?”

“Hey, hey, of course not.” Xavier reached over and took my hand. “Beth… for so many guys sex is the only thing that keeps their relationships from falling apart, but we’re not like that. We have so much more. I’ve never discussed it with you because I’ve never felt that we needed to.” He gazed at me. “I’m sure it would be amazing, but I love you for you, not for what you can offer me.”

“Did you and Emily have a physical relationship?” I was hardly listening to him.

“Oh God.” Xavier flopped back onto the sand. “Not this again.”

“Well, did you?”

“How is that important?”

“Just answer the question!”

“Yes — we did. Happy now?”

“There you go! That’s another thing she could give you that I can’t.”

“Beth, a relationship isn’t only based on the physical,” he said calmly.

“But it’s part of it,” I protested.

“Sure — but it doesn’t make or break it.”

“But you’re a boy, don’t you have… urges?” I said in a lowered voice.

Xavier laughed. “When you meet a family of celestial messengers, you tend to forget about your urges and focus on the bigger picture.”

“What if I told you I wanted to?” I said suddenly, surprised to hear the words come out of my mouth. What was I thinking? Did I have any idea what I was committing to? All I knew was that I loved Xavier more than anything in the world and that being separated from him caused me physical pain. I hated the idea that there was some part of him I hadn’t discovered, a part of him that might be closed off to me. I wanted to know him inside and out, to memorize his body and burn it into my memory. I wanted to get as close to him as was physically possible, melded in body and soul.

“Well?” I asked him softly. “Would you say yes?”

“Definitely not.”

“Why!”

“Because I don’t think you’re ready.”

“Isn’t that for me to decide?” I said stubbornly. “You can’t stop me.”

“I think you’ll find it takes two to tango,” Xavier said. He stroked my face. “Beth, I love you and nothing makes me happier than being close to you. You’re intoxicating.”

“So…?”

“So if you really want to do this, then I’m in one hundred and ten percent, but not before we think it over carefully.”

“When will that be?”

“When you’re thinking clearly and when you haven’t been speaking to Molly.”

I sighed. “This has nothing to do with Molly.”

“Beth, have you considered what the consequences of something like that might be?”

“I suppose—”

“And you still want to do it? That’s crazy.”

“Don’t you see?” I said softly. “I don’t care anymore.” I turned my face up toward Heaven. “That’s not my home anymore. You are.”

Xavier wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. “And you’re mine. But I could never do anything that might hurt you. We have to play by the rules here.”

“It’s not fair. I hate that they rule my life.”

“I know you do, but right now there’s nothing we can do about it.”

“We could do what we want.” I tried to stop myself, but the words seemed to be spilling out uncontrollably. “We could run away, we could forget that anyone else exists.” I realized that I had been holding this back for some time. “We could hide, they might never find us.”

“They would find us, and I’m not going to lose you, Beth,” said Xavier forcefully. “And if that means we abide by their rules, so be it. I know you’re angry, but I want you to think about what you’re suggesting. Just think for a little while.”

“Like a couple of days?”

“Try a couple of months.”

I sighed, but Xavier was adamant.

“I’m not going to let you rush into anything you might regret. Just slow down — we need to be calm and reasonable. Can you do that for me?”

I leaned my head against his chest and felt the pent-up anger drain from my body. “I can do anything for you.”

“What would happen if an angel and a human made love?” I asked Ivy that night as I was pouring myself a mug of milk.

She looked at me sharply.

“Why do you ask that?” she said. “Bethany, please tell me you haven’t. ..”

“Of course not,” I cut in. “But I’m just curious.”

“Well…” My sister was thoughtful. “The purpose of our existence is to serve God by helping man, not mingling with him.”

“Has it ever happened before?”

“Yes, with disastrous consequences.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning that the human and the divine were never meant to merge. If it happened, I believe the angel would lose his or her divinity. There could be no redemption after such a transgression.”

“And the human?”

“The human would never be able to return to normal existence.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Because the experience would surpass all human experiences,” Ivy explained.

“So he would be damaged for life?”

“Yes,” said Ivy. “I guess that’s one way of putting it; a kind of outcast. I think it would just be cruel. It would be like giving a human a glimpse into another dimension and then barring him from it. Angels exist outside of time and space and can travel freely between worlds. For the most part our existence is incomprehensible to humans.”

Although the concept was complex and unclear to me, I knew one thing — I couldn’t rush into anything with Xavier, much as I might want to. Such a union was dangerous and forbidden. It would mean Heaven and earth coming together in an unnatural way, a collision of two worlds. And from what Ivy said, the impact could be potentially devastating.

___

“Xavier and I have decided to wait,” I told Molly, when she quizzed me in the cafeteria at school. Sometimes I thought she had an unhealthy interest in my love life. I couldn’t explain to her what Ivy had told me, so I worded it the best way I could. “We don’t need to do anything to prove how we feel about each other.”

“But don’t you want to?” Molly asked. “Aren’t you curious?”

“I guess so, but we’re not in a hurry.”

“Oh boy, you guys really are living in a time warp.” Molly laughed. “Everyone else is dying to do it every chance they get.”

“Dying to do what?” Taylah asked, appearing behind Molly, sucking on a lollypop. I shook my head at her to indicate that we should change the subject, but Molly ignored me.

“Get down and dirty,” she said.

“Oh, you want to lose your V-plates?” Taylah asked, flopping down beside us. I must have looked alarmed