class, Mom. I just hooked up with a guy, who happened to be my boyfriend. It wasn’t nonconsensual and you only found out about it because I decided to tell you about it.”
She held her button nose high in the air. “I’m not sure what this bukkake is, but just because it wasn’t as bad as it could have been doesn’t make it any less heart-breaking. You had sex outside of marriage, Leslie.”
“What if I told you that I don’t want to get married?” I said, fighting the urge to grab her by the shoulders and give her a good shake. “What if I don’t want to end up barefoot and pregnant or wondering if my husband’s screwing the secretary?”
She gasped like I slapped her across the face. I wasn’t sure why she feigned surprise. Steve Johnson, the latest guy that was playing hubby, spent what little time he was at home with his eyes glued to my chest. The rest of her track record was no better.
“How could you say something so horrible?” Mom said, lips quivering.
I let out a sigh. “I didn’t mean it, Mom.”
“You did,” she sniffed, pulling a tissue from her purse. “It’s the devil in you.”
“For Christ’s sake-”
The door to the pastor’s office swung open and he stepped into the waiting room. Words dried in my throat. I used to think it was because he was in a position of power, commanding respect from the pulpit. But ever since we…
I swallowed, trying to fight the urge to fall to my knees right then and there. I forced my eyes from his groin, up past his cherry red V-neck sweater that barely hid his sculpted abs and defined pecs. I found my way to his strong chin, lusting over his thick red lips. When our eyes met, his chocolate eyes softened, before they went blank. He ran a hand through his salt and pepper hair before his attention turned to my mother.
“Mrs. Johnson, I’m sorry it took me a bit to get to you-“
Mom shot out her hand. “Don’t worry about it, Pastor. I really appreciate you seeing us on such short notice.”
He held open the door for us, casting a quick glance in my direction. “I’m here to help in whatever way I can.”
I kept my mouth shut as she steered me inside his office. She gushed on and on about the Picasso behind his desk, spinning around as she took in the room like she was in some sort of museum. I wanted to tell her that the only work of art I saw was Pastor Lewis…and what he had tucked inside his pants.
“You’re a Picasso fan?” Pastor Lewis said to her, a smile at his lips.
“Oh lord yes,” Mom said with a dopey grin. “I just love that one he did with the dark colors and towers and swirly things.”
I raised an eyebrow. “ Starry Night?”
She scratched her chin, but nodded after a moment. “I think that’s it. Yeah that’s my favorite piece by Picasso.”
“That was Van Gogh,” I said with a cruel chuckle. I sunk into a chair in front of his desk. “We already see that keeping secrets isn’t your forte-apparently art isn’t either.”
She gasped, but it was Pastor Lewis that made me hang my head.
“I think you owe your mother a little more respect than that, don’t you Leslie?” There was a tone in his voice that told me it wasn’t a suggestion.
I gulped. “Yes sir.”
He gestured at the empty chair beside me. “Why don’t you have a seat, Mrs. Johnson?”
She paused for a moment, like she was afraid my hatefulness was contagious before she squat in the chair, crossing her feet at the ankle. “Thank you, Pastor.”
I watched him walk behind his desk, his strong shoulders rippling beneath the argyle. I could already feel my fingers stretching across them as I plastered my body to his. Just the mere memory of being with him was enough to make me cream my underwear on the spot.
I crossed and uncrossed my legs, trying to relieve the pressure that boiled in the heart of me. This was gonna be a highly awkward sit-down…but worth it. It was the only way-even if it meant an uncomfortable conversation with Mom and a look of disappointment from Pastor Lewis.
He cleared his throat as he swiveled to face us. “Alright. What brings you two here today?”
She flipped her frosted hair over her shoulder. “Well, Pastor, it’s just a mess.”
I scoffed, crossing my arms. “It’s not a mess, Ma. I’m 18, I consented-”
“It’s not of God!” she thundered, slamming her palm on the arm of her chair.
The room went quiet after her outburst, a pensive atmosphere giving us all pause. I stole a glance at Pastor, but his eyes were on his desk. Why wouldn’t he look at me? Why wouldn’t he give me a reaction?
I was the first to speak. “It’s really none of his business.” I turned to her. “You promised if I told you what was going on you wouldn’t freak. You promised it would just be between us.”
“That’s before I knew what you’d done!” she wailed dramatically.
Pastor Lewis leaned back in his seat, his focus on my mother. “Mrs. Johnson, you know I want to help you whatever way I can, but Leslie’s an adult.”
“Eighteen years old,” I piped.
His eyes went stony as he flashed me a look.
“Sorry,” I said with an apologetic smile.
“Like I was saying, Mrs. Johnson,” Pastor Lewis pressed on, running a hand through his shaggy hair. “Leslie’s an adult. If she doesn’t want my help, or to talk, I can’t force it on her.”
I had to swallow the desire to rush him at that exact moment. I wanted him to force me, turn me out…I couldn’t stand this distance thing. I knew I saw something flash across his face. He had to care. He just had to.
Mom reached out and clasped my hand, the guilt pouring off her in waves. “Leslie, I’m sorry I got upset, but what you did…” She squeezed her eyes shut like she could barely stand the sight of me. “What you’ve done is so sinful and unholy.”
One of his frames clattered to the floor and we both turned in the sound of the racket. He found my eyes and for a split second, I got what I wanted. His eyes may as well have been ivy green because the jealousy was as plain as the nose on his face.
Mom moved from her chair and picked up his frame, cooing as she looked at the family behind the glass. “Such a lovely picture.”
He flashed her a smile. “Thank you.” He took the frame and laid it on the desk, not bothering to stand it back up. “So you were discussing Leslie’s behavior.”
She nodded. “She needs someone to talk to, pastor. Some guidance.”
I let out a sigh of disgust as I leaned over and pulled my phone out of my purse. “This whole thing is ridiculous.” I’d left the volume on and every punch of my fingertip was broadcast loud and clear. I could practically feel Pastor Lewis cringing. “There’s nothing wrong with having a little fun.”
“Put the phone away.”
His voice was a crack of a whip, snapping my eyes up to his. With trembling hands, I slid it back into the heart of my belongings. “This is all so silly.”
Mom reached over and clasped my hand, willing me to look at her. I almost felt bad staring into her aqua blue eyes. She had no idea that Billy was just a ploy. She had no idea that I would have sucked and fucked the whole freaking town if I thought it would get me in Pastor Lewis’ office.
“Please,” she begged, squeezing my fingers so tight they went numb. “Please talk to the pastor. For me.”
Oh I wanna talk to him alright, I thought to myself, trying to seem detached and annoyed. “Fine, Mom. I’ll talk to him.” I ripped my hand from hers and shook it out, tingles of sensation rippling as feeling returned to my digits. “But I don’t think it’s gonna make a difference.”
“Of course it will!” She cheesed like Moses himself had just come down from the mountain to tell her I wasn’t gonna burn in hell after all. “Tell the pastor exactly what you told me.”
I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, the nerves tumbling in my gut. In my mind, I saw it going this way- I’d tell my slutty story and Pastor would send my mother out so we had some time alone. He’d pout and apologize for ignoring my calls and getting his secretary to lie about him being in the office and then he’d lay me out on the
