than one loves one's mother. I seem to hear him beside me every moment of the day. I feel the pressure of his hand on mine. If I look up, I seem to see him coming, and as you see, I run to you to talk of him. He's here every day now, but he never looks at me, he doesn't notice my presence. It's agony. I have absolutely no hope, no, no hope. [Desperately] Oh, my God! Give me strength to endure. I prayed all last night. I often go up to him and speak to him and look into his eyes. My pride is gone. My self-control. Yesterday I couldn't control myself and told Uncle Vanya I was in love, and all the servants know it. Every one knows that I love him.
HELENA. Does he?
SONYA. No, he never notices me.
HELENA. [Thoughtfully] He's a strange man. Listen, Sonya, will you allow me to speak to him? I'll be careful, only hint. [A pause] Really, to be in uncertainty all these years! Let me do it!
SONYA nods an affirmative.
HELENA. Good! It'll be easy to find out whether he loves you or not. Don't be ashamed, sweetheart, don't worry. I'll be careful; he won't notice a thing. We only want to find out whether it is yes or no, don't we? [A pause] And if it is no, then he must stop coming here, is that so?
SONYA nods.
HELENA. It will be easier not to see him any more. We won't put off the examination an instant. He said he had some sketches to show me. Go and tell him at once that I want to see him.
SONYA. [Very agitated] Will you tell me the whole truth?
HELENA. Of course I will. I am sure that no matter what it is, the truth will be easier for you to bear than this uncertainty. Trust me, dearest.
SONYA. Yes, yes. I'll say that you want to see his sketches. [She starts out, but stops near the door and looks back] No, it is better not to know -- at least -- then there may be hope.
HELENA. What do you say?
SONYA. Nothing. [She goes out.]
HELENA. [Alone] There's no greater sorrow than to know another's secret when you can't help them. [In deep thought] He's obviously not in love with her, but why shouldn't he marry her? She's not pretty, but she's so clever and pure and good, she would make a splendid wife for a country doctor of his years. But, no, that' s not exactly it at all. [A pause] I can understand how the poor child feels. She lives here in this desperate loneliness with no one around her except these colourless shadows that go mooning about talking nonsense and knowing nothing except that they eat, drink, and sleep. Among them appears from time to time this Dr. Astrov, so different, so handsome, so interesting, so charming. It's like seeing the moon rise on a dark night. Oh, to surrender oneself to his embrace! To lose oneself in his arms! I'm a little in love with him myself! Yes, I'm lonely without him, and when I think of him I smile. That Uncle Vanya says I have the blood of a mermaid in my veins: 'Give free rein to your nature for once in your life!' Perhaps it's right that I should. Oh, to be free as a bird, to fly away from all your sleepy faces and your talk and forget that you have existed at all! But I'm a coward, I'm afraid; my conscience torments me. He comes here every day now. I can guess why, and feel guilty already; I should like to fall on my knees at Sonya's feet and beg her forgiveness, and to cry.
ASTROV comes in carrying a portfolio.
ASTROV. How do you do? [Shakes hands with her] Do you want to see my sketches?
