Sir William Cosgrove, with his complication of ills, was dying before us by inches. He was continually tinkered up by doctors, and, what with my usual luck, he might be restored to health and live I don't know how many years. If Cosgrove would not die, where was the use of my pursing his lady? But my fears were to prove groundless, for on that very night, patient nature would claim her account.
SIR WILLIAM
Good evening, Mr. James, have you done with my lady?
RODERICK
I beg your pardon?
SIR WILLIAM
Come, come, sir. I am a man who would rather be known as a cuckold than a fool.
RODERICK
I think, Sir William Cosgrove, you have had too much drink. Your chaplin, Mr. Hunt, has introduced me into the company of your lady to advise me on a religious matter, of which she is a considerable expert.
SIR WILLIAM
Gentlemen, see this amiable youth! He has been troubled by religious scruples, and has flown for refuge to my chaplin, Mr. Hunt, who has asked for advise from my wife, Lady Cosgrove, and between them both, they are confirming my ingenious young friend in his faith. Did you ever hear of such doctors and such a disciple?
RODERICK
Faith, sir, if I want to learn good principles, it's surely better I should apply for them to your lady, and your chaplin than to you?
SIR WILLIAM
He wants to step into my shoes! He wants to step into my shoes!
RODERICK
Well, if my intentions are what you think they are -- if I do wish to step into your shoes, what then? I have no other intentions than you had yourself. Lady Cosgrove's wealth may be great, but am I not of a generous nature enough to use it worthily? Her rank is lofty, but not so lofty as my ambition. I will be sworn to muster just as much regard for my Lady Cosgrove as you ever showed her; and if I win her, and wear her when you are dead and gone, corbleu, knight, do you think that it will be the fear of your ghost will deter me?
SIR WILLIAM
Is it not a pleasure, gentlemen, for me, as I am drawing near the goal, to find my home such a happy one; my wife so fond of me, that she is even now thinking of appointing a successor? Isn't it a comfort to see her; like a prudent housewife, getting everything ready for her husband's departure?
RODERICK
I hope that you are not thinking of leaving us soon, knight?
SIR WILLIAM
Not so soon, my dear, as you may fancy perhaps. Why, man, I have been given over many times these four years, and there was always a candidate or two waiting to apply for the situation. Who knows how long I may keep you waiting.
RODERICK
Sir, let those laugh that win.
SIR WILLIAM
I am sorry for you Mr. James. I'm grieved to keep you or any gentleman waiting. Had you not better to arrange with my doctor or get the cook to flavor my omelette with arsenic? What are the odds, gentlemen, that I don't live to see Mr. James hang yet?
VOICE
Dies at Spa, in the Kingdom of Belgium, the Right Honorable Sir William Cosgrove, Knight of the Bath, Member of Parliament for Cosgrove and Devonshire and many years His Majesty's representative at various European courts. He hath left behind him a name which is endeared to all his friends for his manifold virtues and talents, a reputation justly acquired in the service of His Majesty, and an inconsolable widow to deplore his loss.
RODERICK (V.O.)
A year from that day, on the fifteenth of May, in the year 1773, I had the honor and happiness to lead to the altar Victoria, Countess of Cosgrove, widow of the late Right Honorable Sir William Cosgrove, K.B. I had procured His Majesty's gracious permission to add the name of my lovely lady to my own, and, henceforward, assumed the title of James Cosgrove.
COUNTESS
My Lord Brookside, come and embrace your papa!
BROOKSIDE
He, my father! I would as soon call one of your ladyship's footmen, papa!
COUNTESS
Lord Brookside, you have offended your father.
BROOKSIDE
Mother, you have offended my father.
RODERICK (V.O.)
It was a declaration of war to me, as I saw at once; though I declare I was willing enough to have lived with him on terms of friendliness. But as men serve me, I serve them. Who can blame me for my after-quarrels with this young reprobate, or lay upon my shoulders the evils which afterwards befell?
RODERICK (V.O.)
After we had received the congratulations of our friends in London -- I and Victoria set off to visit our country estate, Castle Hackton, where I had never as yet set foot.
RODERICK (V.O.)
The first days of a marriage are commonly very trying; and I have known couples, who lived together like turtle-doves for the rest of their lives, peck each other's eyes out almost during the honeymoon. I did not escape the common lot. In our journey westwards, my Lady Cosgrove chose to quarrel with me because I had pulled out a pipe of tobacco. Lady Cosgrove was a haughty woman, and I hate pride, and I promise you that, in this instant, I overcame this vice in her.
RODERICK (V.O.)
I had not arrived at the pitch of prosperity, and having, at thirty years of age, by my own merits and energy, raised myself to one of the highest social positions that any man in England could occupy, I determined to enjoy myself as becomes a man of quality for the remainder of my life.
