then business. And their wives? They've become better wives in the process, too by trying to create a little bit of that magic they had when their relationship was fresh and new. She might come home from work and instead of kicking off those heels, keep them on and whisper in his ear to meet her in the bedroom for a predinner snack. Or she might smile a little more, act a little bit more happy, be a tad bit more spontaneous appreciate her man more, and show it, too.
This was certainly the story of one of my really good friends. His wife found out about his woman on the side, and she left him went to her mother's house for seven months and took his son with her. Dude was miserable. I mean, he was losing weight. We would go by to get him and say, Let's go out and have a good time, and he would tell us, Eh, I don't feel like it. We even offered to take him to see the woman he had on the side, in hopes that at least getting some from her would make him feel a little bit better, but he refused her, too. I'm through with that, he insisted. I lost my marriage, my boy is gone the people who mattered most to me are gone. And I want them back.
It took him a year and a half to get this woman back. I don't know what's going on behind their closed doors, but I'll tell you one thing: she's got the ideal husband now. Any married man can look at him and see how to get it done. But two things had to happen to him:.rst, he had to.nd out what was important to him, and what it was like to lose it. And second, he had to come to the realization that he needed to restructure his priorities: God.rst, then family. And you know what? He goes home every night. He's making money, he's extremely happy, and their family has nothing to worry about. And I heard his wife say, My new man is something else.
They've been living in their happily ever after for thirtythree years now. He's a helluva dude, man and she's a lucky lady.
PART THREE
9
There are a few things you should know about my wife, Marjorie: She is incredibly talented and supportive. She is just as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. She loves the Lord. She is a terri.c mother to our children. She's classy and smart. And she cares for, respects, and adores me deeply.
You should also know that my wife has a set of standards that I have known about and respected from the.rst day I met her.
It started while I was doing a show in Memphis. She walked in with another attractive woman. I couldn't help myself; I stopped mid-joke and said, Excuse me, I know you don't know me, but one of these days, I'm going to marry you. She laughed and said, You don't know me. But I didn't care and I told her as much. I knew right then and there we were going to be married some day (of course, this was really more of a hope than a certainty smile).
Maybe she knew it, too, or at least liked what she saw because even though she disappeared the night I informed her of my plan, she showed up two nights later at another show of mine, and this time, I asked her to come backstage and talk for a while. She agreed, and we became fast friends, and even dated for a spell. But eventually, we both went our separate ways. Still, Marjorie and I always remembered the friendship we had together, and we reached out to check up on each other from time to time.
Finally, Marjorie and I reconnected and started dating again; we got serious pretty quickly, both of us realizing that we had missed out on a great relationship once, and we didn't want to risk losing out on it again. But, even though I knew I was in love with this woman and that she loved me, I was still connected to some women friends I had developed after my divorce, when I had really started dating again.
Well, one particular night when Marjorie was visiting me at my home in New York on Valentine's Day weekend, one of those friends called my cell. I didn't talk much said, Hi, told her we'd chat another time and that I'd stop and see her if and when I was back in town, and then hung up. I didn't even think Marjorie heard the conversation at least she wasn't acting like she did. I should have known better, though. She's got that mother hearing doesn't miss a thing. And sure enough, late that night, when I got up to go to the bathroom it was about 3:00 A. M. there was Marjorie in the hallway, standing there in her fur coat with her suitcase in her hand. She was going to leave me leave us.
Where you going? I asked her. Her response made me realize right then and there, in the middle of that hallway, in the middle of the night, that she was The One.
I'm not trying to be anybody's plaything or anybody's woman on a string, she said matter-of-factly, her suitcase still in her hand. I don't think you're ready for what I have to offer. I got these kids, I have a good life, and I want a man who will come in and complete my family. If this is what you want, too, I'll be in Memphis.
After I picked up my jaw, I asked her to give me one more chance, took her bags, and immediately found my phone and snapped it in half. I'd lost her once this beautiful, smart, sweet woman and no other woman could be as loving and dedicated to me, to us, or to my children. I realized right then and there, in that hallway, that I wanted no other.
In other words, I became the man she needed me to be because she had sense enough to have requirements standards that she needed in her relationship in order to make the relationship work for her. She knew she wanted a monogamous relationship a partnership with a man who wanted to be a dedicated husband and father. She also knew this man had to be faithful, love God, and be willing to do what it took to keep this family together. On a smaller scale, she also made clear that she expected to be treated like a lady at every turn I'm talking opening car doors for her, pulling out her seat when she's ready to sit at the table, coming correct on anniversary, Mother's Day, and birthday gifts, keeping the foul talk to a minimum. These requirements are important to her because they govern how she will be treated; they are important to me, too, because they lay out a virtual map of what all I need to do to make sure she gets what she needs and wants. After all, it's universal knowledge that when mama is happy, everybody is happy. And it is my sole mission in life to make sure Marjorie is happy.
Men can't accomplish this mission for you without your help; we can't possibly begin to fathom what it is you women need and want because your needs and wants change from woman to woman like the wind does from city to city. Men are very simple, logical people; if you tell us what you like and what you don't like, we'll do anything we can to make sure we live up to your expectations, particularly if we're interested in forging a relationship with you. (But beware of telling a man everything you like when you.rst meet; I'll tell you why later in the chapter.)
But really, we're not programmed to.gure it out. It really makes us quite happy when you lay out your requirements for us. And we need you to do it up front, so we can decide if we're up for the challenge not two weeks into the relationship, not two months after we've had sex, not two years after we've said I do in front of the preacher and our respective families and friends. Heck, we'll take them while you're standing there at the bar, sipping on the peach martini we just bought you, so long as you're laying them out. Because now you've given us a road map for how to conduct ourselves, especially if we're truly interested in a relationship with you.
Understand that this chapter is not a license for you to start running down your list of I can'ts and I won'ts and you better not nevahs as soon as a gentleman approaches you. We do like some kind of decorum. You've got to.nesse the situation tell a man what you require without making it feel like you're ticking off a list of demands. It really is all in the delivery; if you tell him your requirements in the midst of conversation, and they sound attainable, and you shape your standards in soft language, it'll be easier for him to understand, and, more important, act on them. Think about how crazy he's going to look at you if,.nger wagging, you just come out your face and say, I will not tolerate a man who does not understand my role as a mother if you got a problem with my kids and the rest of my family, you got a problem with me! It'll be the equivalent of the needle scratching all the way across the record; he's going to think, at best, that you're angry at worst, you're crazy, and perhaps your family is, too. But imagine
