how he'll feel if you.ip the script and say something pleasant like, Oh, you know, I have kids and they're number one in my life because my parents raised me to understand the importance of family. Now, he knows you're one of those good girls sweet, responsible, and family oriented. If he's not that guy, he'll move on to the next woman the one with no requirements who's down for whatever. But if he's a man who shares your belief in the importance of family, he's going to keep talking to you, and listen for more of your standards.
Here are a few more examples I've laid out for you so you can see how to wrap up your requirements in one of those pretty bows.
Instead of saying you can't stand it when a man shows up late, say something like, Everybody is so busy these days time sure is precious, isn't it? I go out of my way to make sure that if I say I'm going to be somewhere at 7:00 P. M., I'm going to be there at 7:00 P. M., if not earlier, so that we can do what we need to do in a timely manner, and if I'm going to be late, it only takes a phone call to be courteous.
Translation: You've just told him that you require the man in your life to show up when he says he's going to show up, and have enough manners and class to call if he's going to be late. Now he knows to leave a few minutes earlier so he gets to you on time, and to make sure his cell is charged in case he needs to give you a head's- up.
Instead of saying, If you're dating and sleeping with other women, I am not the one! say something like, I'm always honest with the man I'm dating; if I feel like I want to see other people besides him, I let him know up front so that he can decide if he wants to continue the relationship as is, or ask me to date him exclusively.
Translation: You've just told him that you require the man in your life to be honest and up front about the parameters of the relationship if he's going to play, he's going to have to let you know so that you can make intelligent, rational decisions about how to deal with that. You've told him, too, that this is up for discussion that the two of you can decide together what it is you want out of the relationship, instead of having it dictated to him.
Instead of saying, If my man doesn't have God in his life and doesn't know how to jog for Jesus, there's no need in him even opening his mouth to me, perhaps you can say something like, Sunday is my favorite day of the week, because I get to go to church and fellowship with like-minded people and exercise my faith. By the time service is over, I feel so uplifted, I know the rest of my week is going to go great.
Translation: You've made clear that you're a God-fearing, churchgoing woman who knows the Lord and takes her faith seriously, and you've opened up the conversation for him to give his take on how he feels about religion and spirituality.
Instead of saying, I got three kids and two jobs because these children's daddy ain't worth a damn, so any man stepping to me better have bank and be ready to raise some kids the right way or hit the highway, you might want to say something like, Being a good mom is really important to me, and a part of being a good mom is making sure that my kids have a good father. I'm independent, but I realize how much better it would be for me and my family if a good man was in the picture.
Translation: You will have made clear that while you're quite capable of taking care of your own children, you recognize the importance of having a good man in the mix something that will make a man who's willing to put in the work understand that he will be appreciated for being a good husband and father. And that's really all a man wants a little appreciation every now and again.
Get the picture? Now, you've given us what we think is valuable information about the woman we're interested in. But more important, you've told us what your standards are, though you've done so by disguising them in a whole lot of pretty talk. It's like grape-.avored cough syrup; it's still medicine, but it's just going to taste better going down.
Now, I should add that while men appreciate it when women let them know up front what they require in a relationship, I.rmly believe women need to step back every once in a while and let the man show you what he's made of you know, prove that he's worthy of your time. I really do believe one of the biggest mistakes women make early on in the relationship is laying out in full detail all the things you love a man to do for you, without giving him a chance to show you what he's willing to do for you. I mean, it's nice and all that you like long walks by the beach, and chocolate on Valentine's Day, and you favor lilies in the summertime. But how, exactly, do you.nd out how creative, exciting, or giving a man is if you give him the blueprint for how to coax a smile on to your face, without requiring him to.gure some of this out on his own? Be sure of this: if you tell a man you like red roses at work, dinner at that special restaurant across town, and Chanel bags for your birthday, that is exactly what he will give you nothing less, but certainly nothing more. And you'll be happy about it at.rst. But then give it about forty-.ve days or so, and he's going to stop doing what you told him you like because he'll have.gured he did what he needed to do to get what he wanted. And you will think that because he stopped, he changed. And you'll go tell your girlfriends, I don't know what happened he used to do everything I like.
He did everything you like because you told him what you like.
My philosophy? Instead of telling him what you like, tell him what you don't like, and then see how he responds; let him research and dig and.gure out how to get to your sweet spot. Just go right ahead and put it out there: I'm not a fan of just sitting around in the house on the weekends, or I don't like it when a man doesn't treat me like a lady, or I don't like going to the same restaurants over and over again. Then, as your relationship progresses, watch his actions. For sure, you'll get his blueprint for how he conducts himself you'll see what he's willing to give freely of his own accord. You don't like going to the same restaurants? He'll know to.nd new, interesting places to take you. You don't like sitting in the house on Saturdays? He'll be sure to take you out to a concert or a new museum exhibit, or he'll at least look through the newspaper and see what's going on around town so he has some suggestions for what you all can do together. He knows you don't like people who aren't family oriented? He's going to bring treats for the kids when he meets them, or even offer to take you and them to the park for a quick game of catch or a push on the swings, and no matter how uncomfortable he may think he might feel, he's going to go to the barbecue at your mom's house because he knows you require a man who likes and gets along with family. Sit back and watch him: see if he opens the car door for you, or pulls out your chair when you sit at the table, or turns off his phone when he's with you, so that he can dedicate all of his attention to your time together. And then if he doesn't step up to the plate if he doesn't show you that he's willing to.gure out how to put a smile on your face then you'll be in the position to decide if he's capable of giving you what you need and at least some of what you want.
Of course, to lay out your requirements for a man, and convey the importance of following those requirements, you must.rst.gure out what, exactly, your requirements are. I've listed questions here that you should consider as you formulate your top ten requirements, and I've left space for you to document your list:
What speci.c kind of man are you looking for?
(For example, funny? Hardworking? Generous?)
How do you expect to be pursued? (Do you want regular phone calls? Text messages? Dates at least three times a week? Do you want him to always pick up the tab?)
What level of commitment do you expect? (Do you want an open relationship? Or to date exclusively? Should it be up for discussion?)
What kind of.nancial security do you expect this man to have? (Do you want him to be rich? Do you want him to make more money than you? Are you okay with a blue-collar worker?)
Do you want a man who wants kids and is family oriented?
Does he have to be religious/spiritual?
Do you mind if he's a divorcT or has kids?
Can you help a man build his dream? Can you adapt to his plan?
What do you expect of his family? (Should you get along with his mother? Do you care if he doesn't get along with her? Or if his father was never around?)
What should he be willing to do to woo you? (Should he pursue you? Give you expensive gifts?)
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