I had just gotten to Hollywood and I was seeing a lot of things my then thirty-eight-year-old eyes had never seen before. One of those that stood out most was the lifestyle of a famous and well-regarded celebrity, whose name I'm just going to go ahead and keep to myself. But this much I will tell you: this man had it all money, fame, and a bevy of superbeauties so bad he could have easily made Hugh Hefner scratch his head and wonder how he could get in on that action. I mean this man was surrounded by gorgeous women. A lot. All. The. Time. And I was amazed at this because I couldn't understand how one person could get all of these.ne women like this. I mean, he wasn't the best-looking dude in the business there were others with more money, more prestige, and certainly better looks than him. Still, he was a master at keeping a stack of solid tens at all times, with commitments to none of them. I'd heard about these superplayers with supermodels on their arms and everything, but when I saw it up close, I was amazed at how the actual connections could happen, and especially why these women stayed with this guy, knowing that they were one of many hanging on his arm.
And I needed to know how this was done (um, not necessarily so that I, too, could have supermodels hanging on my every word, but because I was genuinely blown away by the phenomenon). So I sat down and talked to this guy and a bunch of other men who were in similar relationships and asked them point-blank: How do you keep these women coming back for more? And each one, including the most notorious of the bunch, laughed, shook his head, and said pretty much the same thing: those women want the money, the fame, and the lifestyle, and they're willing to put up with a lot of things not many of them good to get it. But do they realize, I asked in all earnestness, that this is going nowhere? The one guy shook his head some more and said, simply, They don't know where it's going because they never ask. He added: What am I supposed to do tell them I'm just using them for sex and arm candy? It just is what it is.
Blew me away.
And the more I asked the same questions of guys in similar situations, I heard the same answer, again and again. And each time I asked them what could have made it different for the women they were with, almost down to the letter, each one of those men said the same thing: if a woman came to me and quizzed me up front about my intentions, they would have known from the beginning that I'm not looking for anything serious. They don't ask, each one said, because they think they're going to run me off, so I get to just string them along. And the one celebrity who seemed to be the master of all of this said, quite simply, I have enough of them so that when I get the questions, I don't have to answer because for every one woman who asks, I have two more who won't.
Call this what you want: foul; wrong; inexcusable whatever. But that's how it is. And this kind of thinking from guys isn't just happening in celebrity circles, trust me. It happens with everyday guys doctors and lawyers, truckers and deliverymen, too. Some of them have as many women as some of my celebrity friends, and the women they run game on are just as.ne as some of the supermodels clinging to the arms of stars. But if you're a woman on a string of three or thirty-three, you're still on a string. And both you and I know that's not a good place to be.
Your objective is to avoid being on the string.
The.rst step, I think, is to get over the fear of losing a man by confronting him. Just stop being afraid, already. The most successful people in this world recognize that taking chances to get what they want is much more productive than sitting around being too scared to take a shot. The same philosophy can easily be applied to dating: if putting your requirements on the table means you risk him walking away, it's a risk you have to take. Because that fear can trip you up every time; all too many of you let the guy get away with disrespecting you, putting in minimal effort and holding out on the commitment to you because you're afraid he's going to walk away and you'll be alone again. And we men? We recognize this and play on it, big time. Know this: the game is old, and it's not ever going to change. My sons will do it the same way because they can and there will be women who allow it to happen. But you can certainly know the rules up front, and change up your strategy, so you don't get played.
How do you do this? Start by making the man be really clear up front about what he wants out of his life and his relationship with you. You do this by asking him these key.ve questions questions that will help you determine right away what values this guy has and how you.t into his plans. I devised these questions after years of watching men play women, and women falling for it, and constantly asking myself and even some of my friends who are masters at the game, If I were a woman, how could I avoid all of this? They're great questions, too the answers will tell you everything you need to know about this guy in your life or the guy you hope to have in your life. Asking these questions will help you determine whether you should stick around to see where your relationship goes, or if you should run really fast in the opposite direction. Note: There's no need to delay asking these questions ask them right away, as soon as you think you might be remotely attracted to a man you've met. If he's turned off by the questions, so what: you have the right to the information. And if he isn't willing to answer them, well you know from the gate he's not the one for you.
So let's just get started with the questions. Remember: No. Fear.
If you're going to get into a relationship with a man, you should know what his plans are and how they.t into the key elements that make a man who he is, what he does, and how much he makes. These three things, as I've already told you, are extremely important to any mature, grown man, and you have every right to know what he's doing right now, and what he's planning over the next three to.ve years, to be the real, grown man he wants to be. His answer also will help you determine whether you want to be a part of that plan or not. You'll know to throw up your much-needed red.ag if he doesn't have a plan at all.
If he's got a plan, well great. Act like you're superinterested and ask follow-up questions be the inquisitive, enthusiastic detective that you are. Men love to talk about themselves. We do this because we know that in order to catch you, we have to impress you. So allow us to impress. The more inquisitive and interested you are, the more information he'll give you. Say things like, Wow, how did you get into that.eld? or How interesting what does it take to make that successful? And listen carefully. The whole time he's talking, you should be evaluating whether he's actually working hard to meet his goals or if he's a lazy dreamer just talking a whole lot of nonsense. You should also be.guring out if you see yourself in that short-term plan; if you know what his plan is, you can immediately assess if you want to be part of it and what role you can play in it, or if you need to remove yourself from that equation. For instance, if he says, I'm a technician for the cable company, but I'm going to college at night to earn my B. A. in engineering so that I can move up the ranks at my job, then you know this guy has a plan and he's executing it. Maybe you can even see yourself helping him study or being there for him at graduation and giving him suggestions for how to transform himself from the blue-collar worker who installs the cable to the engineer who helps build the technology for the cable company. The point is, he has a plan and he's working toward it, which means that he's trying to be the man he wants to be the kind that just might.t in line with what you're looking for in a good, solid mate.
But if you ask him what his short-term goals are, and he tells you something crazy, like I'm in street pharmaceuticals, and right now I have one block but my goal in the next few years is to have ten blocks on the west side from Henry Street to Brown Street, well, then you know right then and there that you can go on ahead and keep it moving. The same applies to the man who states his short-term goals, but clearly has no plan to implement them. For instance, if he says his dream is to be a producer, but he's not doing anything in the.eld to actually become one he's not interning or working for a.lm company, he's not writing or reading any scripts, he's not making any connections in the industry that might open some doors for him, he hasn't worked for four months and has no prospects of a job in the.eld he says he's interested in then you know this man doesn't have a plan. And if he doesn't have a plan, he's not going to achieve his short-term goal or it's really not a goal, he's just talking out of his behind. Either way, you may not want to sign up for his plan. Just stick to your own. Sure, there's a chance that he might get it together and make it in the industry, but why do you have to sign up for that? If he's got this whole pie-in-the-sky dream,.gure out if he's lying there looking at the stars, or if he's got a jet pack strapped to his back and he's about to take off to go grab that dream.
Trust me on this: a man who really has a vision for where he wants to see himself in ten years has looked into his future and seriously considered what it'll take for him to get there. It means he has foresight, and he's plotting out the steps to his future. If he says something silly like I'm just trying to make it day by day, run. If his long-term plan is the same as his short-term plan, get out. Immediately. Because his answer tells you that he hasn't thought his life through, or he doesn't see you in it and so he has no reason to divulge the details to you. All he's got for you is game. If he doesn't have a plan, why do you want him to stick around, anyway?
The man you should consider spending a little time on is the one who has a plan a well-thought-out plan that you can see yourself in. Because please believe me when I tell you and like I told you in an earlier chapter a man always has a plan. I know I did when I.rst started working as a comedian. I knew before I even told my.rst joke in front of an audience that within the next.ve years, my goal was to become a headliner and make at least $2,500 a
