week. With my eye on that prize, I was soon making $2,500 a week, and happy about it, too. Still, I wanted to become a headliner, and I upped the ante: now I wanted to make $5,000 to $7,500 per week. It took me about eight years, but I managed to meet my.nancial goal and I was happy about that, too.
And then I met Sinbad.
Now at the time, Sinbad was working at a comedy club in Birmingham, where he'd become so large, he was making $50,000 to $70,000 a week at this one particular club. Every. Seven. Days. And I knew I wanted a piece of that action. His success made me realize that there was something to this comedy thing that I needed to set in place a long-term plan that would afford me the kind of life I could see was possible for a comedian. I wanted to get on television to provide a lifestyle for my family that would make them proud. I envisioned my life this way, and then created a plan for how I was going to get it. Now, I knew it wasn't going to be easy that it would take time, because there were very few comedy clubs where you could make that kind of money, and you had to have the right connections and a great team to help get you there. But the point is, I had a long-term plan, with steps on how I was going to get there. Eventually, I reached those goals and then some.
Once you hear your potential mate's answer to questions number one and number two, you'll have a.rm understanding of the kind of man you're dealing with. Do not tie your life together with a human being who does not have a plan, because you'll.nd out that if he's not going anywhere, sooner or later, you'll be stuck, too.
Now this one is a multiple-part question that sizes up how a man feels about a gamut of relationships from how he feels about his parents and kids to his connection with God. Each answer will reveal a lot more about him whether he's serious about commitment, the kind of household in which he was raised, what kind of father and husband he might be, whether he knows the Lord, all of that. And the only way you'll.nd out the answers to these questions is to ask. Do it before you kiss this man, maybe even before you agree to go on a date with him this is a great phone conversation, for sure. And don't be shy or nervous about asking these questions, either, because what are you supposed to be doing with this man if not talking to him? If he has a problem talking about this right here, then something's wrong. Run.
First,.nd out how he feels about family. What are his views on it? Does he want a family? How does he feel about children? If you have a child, tell your man about him or her it's his business to know, but more important, it's your business to.nd out if he sees himself being a father. If he doesn't want kids and you do, then you can stop all of this right now. (Please know that if a man says he doesn't want kids, he's probably not going to change his mind, regardless of the intensity of his feelings for you.) Moreover, if he doesn't like kids and you already have them, where, exactly, is this relationship going?
Next, ask him about his relationship with his mother. It's the.rst relationship a man has with a woman, and if he has a good track record with her, then chances are he knows how to treat a woman with respect and has some kind of idea of how to profess, provide, and protect not only a woman but a potential family, too. I don't know a boy living whose mother isn't beloved. We learn to protect her and provide for her; we learn about the basic core of love for a woman from her. Indeed, if a man is at odds with his mother, it's a safe bet that he's going to be at odds with you. If you hear any part of Man, me and my mother? We just don't get along… in his answer, erase his number and texts from your phone and keep it moving.
After you.nd out how he feels about his mother, ask him about his father. If he had a great relationship with his dad, then he was probably raised with a core set of values that he'll bring to your potential home together. Now, I understand that a whole host of men grew up without fathers in their households, but chances are that the man you're interested in had a male role model in his life who showed him the ropes of manhood, or perhaps the absence of his own father taught him a few things about what he doesn't want to do when he becomes a father. At any rate, ask questions about his relationship with his father, and his answers are bound to reveal the kind of father he just might turn out to be.
You're also going to have to ask him about his relationship with God. Let me be direct: if you meet a man who doesn't have a relationship with God, he doesn't go to church and has no intention of ever going, and he has no belief system he can point to as a guiding force in his life, then it's a problem. After all, what moral barometer does he answer to if not to God? What's going to make him even consider being loyal to you? What's going to make him do right by you and the kids? What's going to make him feel whole? I'm not saying that you shouldn't date a man who doesn't go to church, or who has a different belief system than you. But if his core beliefs don't match up with yours, you're likely to have a problem.
These next two questions should be asked after you've been talking and dating for a while. Ideally, ask them before you have parted with the cookie (y'all know what I mean). If you have already had a sexual encounter with the man, you can ask these questions anyway. The answers may hurt a little bit more, but at least you'll know.
Now, this one you'll have to ask after a few dates, because he's going to need time to get to know you. But his answer will be critical because it will reveal to you what his plans for you are. If you've been out on a couple of dates and you've had lots of conversation, you know something about him, but what's more important, you want to know what he is thinking about you. You have a right to know. Oh, trust me, he thought something about you when he.rst walked up to you, and you need to know what it is. He was attracted to something he liked your hair, your eyes, your legs, your out.t. He didn't walk over there just to be walking. Beyond the initial attraction, however, men pretty much know if you're the kind of woman they're going to sleep with and keep it moving, or if they're going to stick around and see if they want more. This, you will be able to tell by his answers.
Listen to his answer closely. I assure you this is how it will go, because every man will answer this question the same exact way: I think you're great, I think you'd make a great mom, you're fun, kind, you're really beautiful, you turn me on, you're energetic, outgoing, a hard worker, very smart. I think you're the kind of woman I could see myself with, all of that generic stuff we know you want to hear. Still, this isn't the answer you should be looking for. You want speci.cs. You want to know that he's really thought about you beyond the surface. So do the follow-ups. Oh, you think I'm kind? What about me makes you think I'm kind? Then sit back and listen. If he can't give you a concrete example of how you've shown your kindness, he's not really thinking about you beyond the surface. But if he says, You remember that time when it was my mom's birthday and you called me and reminded me to pick up a card for her? That was really nice. If he tells you he thinks you're a great mom, make him tell you what it is about you that makes you a great mom. And so forth with whatever characteristic he attributes to you. The level of his speci.cs will give you yet another clue into this man's intentions for your relationship. If he can give you speci.cs, it means he's been listening and adding it up he's determining if he's going to keep you, if he can see himself in a committed relationship with you. And that could mean that you're at least on the same relationship page.
Now this is not to be confused with what do you think about me think and feel are two wholly different things. And if a man cannot tell you how he feels about you after a month of dating, it's because he doesn't feel anything for you he just wants something. Ask a man how he feels about you, and he's going to get confused and nervous: I told you before I think you're… he begins. You cut him right off and say, No, no, I want to know how you feel about me. He might shift in his chair, scratch his head, light a cigar anything to get out of giving you an answer or thinking of what he thinks you want him to say. But you'll have to get him to answer it.
Don't get upset if he doesn't answer right away: he's got to go into that part of himself that he doesn't like to go to, and that's the emotional part. Men do not do emotion well, at all, and expressing it doesn't come easy. He can answer questions about God and the kids and his mother, but with this question, you're asking him to look into his soul, and our DNA isn't made up for the heartfelt outpouring to just anybody. But this doesn't mean you should let up. What you're looking for in his answer is something like this: When I don't see you, I miss talking to you, I always wonder what you're doing and whenever you come around, I just feel better you're the type of woman I've been trying to.nd. In other words, his answer has to make you feel wonderful. He may not be in love with you just yet, but he's crazy about you and he's probably thinking he wants to explore a long-term commitment with you, because when he starts to profess and put you in a position where he can provide for and protect you, he's seeing a future with you in it. And this is exactly where you want to be with this guy.
The I think you're cool answer isn't going to cut it here, ladies. And if, after you've asked the question and probed deeper, you realize his feelings for you don't run very deep that he's just not there then you need to not be there, too. Pump the brakes until you start hearing and feeling from him the things that you think are important to hear and feel from a man with whom you're willing to forge a relationship.
We men are fully aware that we have to answer these questions, and any real man is going to answer them. You may not necessarily like the answers, but he's going to answer them. If he refuses, then don't bother with him. Don't think that you're going to work it out later that you'll wait him out until he gets more comfortable with you
