moment his prick started spreading the mouth of my ass, all the way down to the time he finally stopped squirting the come in me, and when he finally fell on me and lay still, I just felt totally drained.
“That first time with Jeff, I think, was about the only time I’ve ever done anything with a man and didn’t really hate myself at the very instant that it was all happening. Of course, after it was all over and he’d taken his cock out of my ass, then I started feeling terrible. But that first moment, when he was just getting it into me, I just felt as though I were doing something halfway nice. I don’t think I ever felt quite that way before or since.
“There’ amp; one thing about letting guys fuck you in the ass-every time I’ve tried it, the guy’s been so totally whipped by it that it’s’ just one time around and that’s it for them. Before I started making them flick me in the ass, back when I didn’t know anything but screwing the regular way, some of those fellows would go two or three times without ever taking their pricks out. You know, they’d fuck till they came the first time, then they'd lay there for a little while and — then they’d start in again and fuck some more. It sure isn’t that way when they’re ‘in my ass. Then it’s just one time’ and they’re done. I guess it’s got something to do with it being so much better back there. “
“Anyway, whatever the explanation is, Jeff was finished after that one time.
It’s just as well that he was because I’m not sure I could have taken him again. His prick is awfully big, long and thick, and I was fairly sore the next morning. It didn’t keep me from going to work, of course, but I’m just as glad there wasn’t any strenuous activity connected with the job! Jeff acted as though nothing had happened, except for a moment or two when we were alone.
Then he let me know that he thought it had been wonderful. That made me feel good because, by that time, I was really getting down inside myself and feeling awful about the way I’d behaved with him.
“We must have gone on for almost a week, acting perfectly normal toward each other. He’s in his mid-forties and I imagine he doesn’t want a woman quite as much as he once did. That’s nice for me. I don’t think I could stand it if he wanted me all the time. Most of the ‘time we are about like any executive and his secretary are supposed to be-businesslike and efficient. I’m sure, now that I know him better that he sensed the way I felt about it all and that he was deliberately holding himself back. He’s very sensitive, you know, and he can really adapt himself to another person’s moods.
“Sure enough,” it wasn’t very long until I could feel that old desire building up inside me again. Usually it starts as sort of a gnawing ache, very small, but then it just keeps on building until I’m dying to fuck, ready to do almost anything to get rid of that terrible want between my legs. I tried to hide it and to get by with finger fucking myself but that just wouldn’t work. Once I’d had the best, it was hard to settle for something a lot less significant! “Jeff must have seen the way I was being bothered because he was the one who got to me — I didn’t go to him. It happened after work one day, a day when I’d barely been able to get around, I was so hung up and so horny. When I went into his office to say good-bye for the day, he just looked at me in that peculiar way of his and I could feel my pussy starting to crawl.
“Close the door and come here,” he told me.
“I did and he started loving me. We didn’t have to worry about anyone interrupting us. No one ever goes into an executive’s office without knocking first. We were almost naked when I got this brainstorm of mine. I guess seeing Jeff’s cock-he was rock hard this time-made me think of it, or maybe it was something else. Anyway, I suggested that we go into his john and do our fucking there. He thought it was a nice idea and, as soon as he was stripped, in we went! “He sat on the stool and let me sit over him. I started to do it facing him but then I turned around and backed down onto him, first putting my cunt over his cock to get it slippery enough and then getting off and moving forward just enough that his prod would dip right into my asshole. It wasn’t until I’d already made the switch that I realized what I’d done-I was get ting flicked in exactly the same way- that. Mom was getting it from Dad that time that I saw them in their bathroom! When I realized that, I just about shit all over myself, it was so sexy, and then I reached down to grab hold of my pussy and, man, it was just ‘Come City’ from then on. I just had myself a perfectly wonderful time with that big cock of my boss up my ass!”
One might assume, from reading the second portion of Judy’s case history, that she had come to view her relations with men in a slightly different light and that her relations with Jeff were more nearly normal than the earlier affairs into which her guilt had driven her. We must caution the reader against drawing an overly hasty conclusion. Judy’s behavior still shows strong evidence of her fundamental distaste for the acts to which she was driven. This distaste is quite apparent in her account of their love play inside Jeff’s bathroom. She mentioned that at first she started to sit on him with her face toward him but that she turned and presented her back to him. This change is highly significant, as we can see from Albert Ellis’s conclusion that “a man, who feels so guilty about having intercourse with any woman that he is afraid to look her in the eye while having it, and consequently always enters her vagina from the rear, is a distinct sex neurotic or deviate-even though he is engaging in a sex act that under most circumstances would not in the least be berated or perverted.” (Ellis, Art and Science of Love, p. 227.) While Dr. Ellis’s words applied to males and vaginal intercourse, we can easily see that the basic contention would also hold when we consider the case of a woman addicted to anal sexual acts. Despite the slight change in her verbal attitudes, Judy’s essential loathing for anal sex continues, as does her need to be symbolically punished and degraded for her imagined offenses of long ago.
Chapter Four
“Got a date tonight?” Helen asked me as we walked out to the parking lot after another day in the secretarial pool.
“Yeah, I’m going bowling with Harry,” I told her.
“Harry? That creep? Jeez, what a washout he was when he took me out!”
“Oh, you’ve been out with him, huh? What was he like?”
“He’s all right, I guess, except that he’s not much good for anything except bowling and dancing,” Helen said. “When it comes to loving, he just can’t get up to the mark. Of course, with you he might be different, but that’s the way I found him.”
“What was the problem?” I asked.
“Helen’s one of my best friends and usually we just let it hang out all the way together; we don’t hold anything back. I’ve found that’s the best way to be when it’s just girls together, especially when the subject is guys. You can find out a lot that you need to know from other girls, and sometimes they can save you a lot of grief. Helen’s a big, busty blonde and she really gives all the guys a workout. I guess she’s’ dated just about every one of the, salesmen that work through our pool and some of the big shot executives too. She’s modern enough to know that they aren’t taking her out because of her fine mind or anything like that and I think she sort of enjoys getting a lot of attention from guys-especially the kind of attention that ends up with her getting in bed with them! “He’s just a shrimp,” she told me. “I mean, like hardly anything at all!”
“You mean between his legs?” I asked.
“Where else? Oh, he’s hip enough,” she said. “You know, about going down on a girl and all that, but he just doesn’t have the site I like in a guy.” ‘Hey, you know something?” I said, looking at her with surprise. “I never thought about that. It really makes a difference, doesn’t it? I mean, how big a guy is down there?” ‘Honey, it makes all the difference in the world,” she said, giving me that woman-to-woman look that told me she was really leveling with me. “A little guy, he’s all right, I guess, till you’ve had a real man in that little hole.
Then you really start to see what it’s all about!”
“Now you might think I’m putting you on, but when Helen and I had that little talk I really didn’t know it made that much 6f a difference. Of course, up until that time I hadn’t really had much experience with any guy that was very big down there. I was nineteen — then, fresh out of business school and I’ll admit that I had a lot to learn about things. I sure wasn’t any virgin. I’d let a guy stick it to me when I was sixteen, and since that time I’d gotten serious with seven or eight guys, I suppose. But it didn’t last long with any of them.
