Never Knowing

Screeching tires. A car honked. Were those the noises that were upsetting him?

“Maybe you should pull over and—” Ally came around the corner of the house. Oh, crap. Why didn’t Evan stop her?

I covered the speaker just as she said, “Grandpa said you have to come have cake now.”

“Okay, sweetie. I’ll be there in a minute. Go ahead.”

As she trotted off I said, “John? Are you still there?” Only sounds of traffic.

I was about to hang up when he finally said in a desperate voice, “I need you to talk to me.”

“What do you want to talk about?”

“Tell me — tell me your favorite foods.”

I wiped sweat from my forehead. I was missing my nephew’s birthday because he wanted to hear what I like to eat?

“Can’t you just tell me what’s wrong? I’m at a family party and people are—”

“I thought you said you didn’t tell anyone about me.” His voice was hard.

“I didn’t! But it’s going to start looking odd that I’m talking on my phone and people are going to ask questions and I don’t—”

He’d hung up.

For the rest of the party every nerve ending in my body vibrated with unanswered questions. What were the sounds in the background? Why was he talking about a noise? What was he going to do now? My whole system was in overdrive — my face burned, my armpits were soaked with sweat, my legs screamed to get out, to go home, talk to Billy, anyone who could make this horrible feeling go away. I tried to focus on the conversation around me, but I couldn’t follow the threads. Every kid’s voice grated, every shriek sent a bolt of anger through me. I glanced at my watch constantly, my phone tight in my hand.

It didn’t help that Dad gave me hell right in front of Ally for answering the phone, calling me selfish and rude. I apologized, like I always do, but he kept giving me the evil eye after we returned to the party. Mom’s smile flickered in and out as she looked back and forth between us. Melanie and I simply avoided each other. At least Lauren didn’t seem to be angry, but she sure was distracted. Every time I looked at her she was watching Greg. One time I caught her giving him a dirty look when he went for another beer — not that it stopped him. But I was having my own relationship problems. Evan was laughing and joking with everyone, putting his arm around my shoulder when Brandon opened our present, but he wasn’t meeting my eye. Finally it was time to go. My good-byes were short, earning a concerned look from Mom, but I was focused on getting Ally and Moose to the Cherokee. I practically dragged Ally down the driveway, snapping when she complained. Evan was silent.

We were backing out when my cell chirped, alerting me I had a text message.

Billy: How was the party? Call when you get home.

“Who’s that?” Evan said.

“The police want to go over John’s calls.” I was already dialing Billy’s number, but it went straight to voice mail. “Crap, he must be out of range.”

Evan stared at the road ahead.

The rest of the drive was silent. When we finally got home, Ally threw herself in front of the TV to watch Hannah Montana. I tried to call Billy again and this time I left a message. After ten minutes, which I spent washing our dishes from breakfast, I went looking for Evan. He was in the backyard cleaning up Moose’s poop.

I said, “I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not like that.”

“I’m thinking you should clean up after your dog.”

My dog? That pissed me off.

“I try to stay on top of things, Evan, but I have to take care of everything when you’re gone.”

“It takes five minutes.”

“You know how busy I’ve been lately.”

“Yeah, too busy to tell me you’re having lunch with other guys.”

“It was nothing. Melanie was just trying to stir up trouble.”

He jabbed the shovel at the ground, scooping in short, jerky movements. “Well, she did a good job. Greg kept giving me weird looks all afternoon.”

“What was I supposed to say? You know I’m not allowed to talk about it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me he was here?”

“By the time we talked, John had called again and I was freaking out. I didn’t even think to tell you Billy came over because I didn’t think it mattered. He’s probably going to have to come by a lot, and—”

“Now it’s Billy?” Evan stopped the shovel and looked at me.

“Oh my God, Evan, that’s just what Sandy calls him. He’s not even my type, okay? He dresses super slick and he’s got tattoos and—”

“That’s supposed to make me feel better?”

I wanted to grab the shovel out of his hands and thump him over the head with it.

“You know what? I don’t need this. If Billy can find this guy, I’m going to talk to him every day because I want him out of my life — you should too. I would think you’d be happy someone is checking on me when you’re gone. If you don’t trust me, maybe we shouldn’t be getting married.” I spun around and stormed back into the house.

As I passed the living room I peeked in on Ally. She was wrapped in a blanket on the couch with Moose in her lap, sleepily staring at the TV.

“You should go to bed soon, Ally.”

“Noooo…” Tired of fighting, I left it for now and headed upstairs to my office.

To try and calm down, I wrote out everything I remembered from the calls — making a note to ask Billy if they have the technology to isolate the sounds in the background. I closed my eyes and tried to focus. What were those noises? My eyes flew open — what if he’d abducted a woman? Maybe he was taking her somewhere in the truck and the sounds were her trying to get out!

Just as I picked up the cordless to call Billy again, I heard the sliding glass door open downstairs, then footsteps. Evan was in the kitchen.

I hesitated for a moment. Maybe I should wait until the morning. But this was important.

Billy answered on the first ring.

I said, “I was thinking the sounds in the background could be a woman. Maybe he’s taking her somewhere and he’s going to—”

“Whoa, whoa, hold on. That’s not his MO and we haven’t had any reports of missing women.”

“Then what were the sounds?”

“We’re still working on isolating them, but so far we don’t have anything usable.”

“Maybe you need some more people on the task force.”

“We have every available member of Serious Crimes in Vancouver and some in Nanaimo—”

“Can’t you bring in members from Toronto?”

“It doesn’t work like that, Sara. Most of the files are old and have already been investigated. We have access to lots of resources and this case is top-priority, but until John makes a move, or someone sees something, we can’t do much.” “It doesn’t seem like they’re doing anything.”

“I’m sure it seems that way, but they’re following up leads, coordinating with the lab and other departments. Right now we’re trying to find out who owns the cell phone he used.”

I knew I sounded cranky when I said, “Do you at least know where he was calling from?”

But Billy just said, “He’s moved west of Prince George, probably somewhere near Burns Lake. It’s possible he’s heading toward Prince Rupert, so we’ve notified the local detachments and they’ll circulate the sketch to truck stops, gas stations, any places he might stop along the way.” I took the heat out of my voice. “What do you think was wrong with him? He was complaining about a noise?”

“We’re hoping the next time you talk you can get him to elaborate.”

“I don’t want there to be a next time. I’m sick of this.”

“You have to do what feels right to you, Sara. But I won’t lie — we really need your help. You’re likely our