Never Knowing

the lodge but figured he just got busy. It’s not easy for him to leave at the last minute. His phone kept going to voice mail, so I was sure he was already on the road — the cell coverage sucks up there. Around ten I stopped vacuuming to throw another load of laundry in and heard tires on gravel, then Moose streaked to the door barking. Evan was home!

I raced to the front door — and saw Billy and Sandy get out of the Tahoe. My guts clenched at the sight of their grave faces and dark sunglasses.

Billy said, “Can we come in?”

“Evan’s due home any second, but sure.”

This time I brought them into the living room. Bad news deserves formality. After they were settled on the opposite couch I took the plunge.

“Another girl’s missing, right?”

“Sara…” Billy removed his sunglasses. “Evan was shot at the lodge this morning and—”

“What!” I stared at them for a moment as my heart hammered in my chest. Then I jumped up. “Is he okay?” My eyes flicked back and forth between them, desperately trying to read their faces.

“He’s going to be all right,” Billy said. “He’s been flown to the hospital in Port Alberni.”

“What happened?”

“He went down to the dock early this morning. That’s when he got shot. He managed to drag himself into one of the boats and used the first-aid kit to stop the bleeding until one of the guides found him.”

“Okay. I just. I have to—” I whirled around and grabbed my purse off the hall bench, searched for my keys, my cell phone. How was I going to get Ally from school? Could Lauren pick her up? Should I get her on the way?

Sandy said, “We’ll take you to the hospital.”

Moose. I had to ask a neighbor to let him out. What else? A client was coming by to pick up a headboard. I flipped open my cell, but Sandy grabbed my wrist.

“Hold on.”

I yanked free. “I have to call someone about Ally.”

“We understand, but we need to go over a few things with you first.”

“It had to be John.”

Billy said, “That’s why we—”

“I have to tell my family.” How was I going to explain this to them?

Sandy said, “We have some ideas around what you should say.”

I turned to Billy. “He didn’t … kill him. It was just a warning, right?”

“We don’t think so. One of the cooks went out for a cigarette around the time Evan was shot and heard something in the bushes. We think he spooked John before he could finish the job.”

John wanted to kill Evan. Because of me. My eyes filled with tears.

“I have to get Ally from school right now.”

Sandy said, “A couple of members are at the hospital with Evan and we have a patrol car watching the school. You can go up with Billy to see Evan and we’ll send an officer to pick Ally up. Just call the school and explain they’re a family friend. We don’t want to scare everyone into thinking there’s a killer on the loose.” Except there was a killer on the loose. One who was really pissed off at me and really good at making his point.

“Ally knows she’s not supposed to leave with a stranger. I could call one of my sisters, but then I’ll have to tell them what’s going on, and—”

“Let’s not do that right now,” Sandy said. “Ally knows me. I’ll pick her up and watch her while you visit Evan.”

I shook my head. “I told John I couldn’t meet him because Evan was coming home. He must’ve decided he should just—” My voice caught.

Billy’s face was pained. “You didn’t know he’d do this, Sara.”

I looked at Sandy. “But you did. You warned me.” Had I let my personal feelings for her get in the way of the truth?

Sandy said, “You can’t dwell on what’s done, Sara. You just have to be strong for Evan. We’ll take care of the rest.” For once she had said something I liked.

On the way up to the hospital with Billy, I called my parents from my cell. As soon as I heard Mom’s gentle voice the dam broke and I started crying. I managed to pull it together long enough to tell her the cover story — the police believed Evan had been shot by a disgruntled employee. I didn’t know how long that one would fly, since Evan had never pissed off anyone in his life. The thought made me cry harder.

Before I could stop her, Mom put Dad on the phone.

“What’s going on?”

“Dad, Evan’s in the hospital. He was shot at the lodge. He’s okay, but they flew him to Port Alberni and—” I burst into fresh tears.

Dad said, “Your mother and I will meet you there.”

It was probably the last thing the police wanted. But it was what I wanted the most.

“Thanks, Dad. Can you call his parents for me?” They live down in the States and although Evan and his family are close, he doesn’t get to see them often. Mom and Dad fill a lot of the role for him.

“We’ll let them know,” Dad said. “Where’s Ally?”

“A friend’s watching her.” First and last time I’d call Sandy that.

“How are you getting up there?”

“Billy, the police officer who’s my client, volunteered to drive me.”

Dad paused for a moment, then said, “We’ll leave right now.”

He hung up before I could say anything else. Billy told me he’d deal with it — he has no idea what dealing with my dad is like. But at that moment I didn’t care. The only person who mattered was Evan. I wished I’d told him that yesterday.

The drive to Port Alberni is never an easy one — over an hour of a narrow highway winding through steep mountains where you’re competing for space with logging trucks. But today it was unbearable. Thank God Billy was behind the wheel — if I was driving the speed my heart was going, I’d have had an accident. I have no recollection of anything we talked about, just vague snippets of reassurance from Billy: We’re going to catch him. Evan’s going to be fine.

At the hospital the doctor told me Evan had been shot clean through the fleshy part of his left shoulder. They were waiting for him to stabilize before they sent him to Nanaimo in an ambulance for surgery. He had muscle damage and a huge wound, but no permanent damage. I was just happy he was alive — especially when the doctor told me eight inches to the left and it would’ve gone straight through his heart. Hearing that just about made my own heart stop.

They’d given him some drugs for the pain and he was out cold, but they let me in to see him. His shoulder was wrapped in a huge white bandage and he had an IV stabbed into his arm. Tears ran down my face as I kissed his cheek and smoothed his hair. I hated how pale he was, hated all the tubes running out of him. But I hated myself even more for putting him in danger.

As I fussed over Evan, nurses monitored his signs and wrote things on his chart. One asked if I needed anything. Yeah, a serial killer put behind bars. Can you do that? Then an older nurse asked me to step out for a moment while they changed his bandage. I was about to argue when I heard Dad’s loud voice asking for Evan’s room.

When I went to meet my parents I noticed Billy talking to two policemen in a small waiting area. He straightened up when he saw my father and started toward him, but Dad walked right past him and came up to me.

“How’s Evan doing?”

“He’s asleep right now. He’s going to be okay, but he has to have surgery. They’ll wait until he’s stable, then