Still Missing

'I don't think you understand me, Lorraine. They don't just think you hired Simon Rousseau to kill her, they want you to have hired him to kill her, because that will make a big difference in time served.'

I watched Mom's face as she licked her lips a couple of times. To Gary it would look like nerves, but I knew my mom, and licking her lips was a sure sign she was trying to get her vodka-addled mind to focus.

'They want me to have done it?'

'A lot of time and a lot of money, taxpayers' money, went into this case. My superiors, well, they're none too happy about that. And the public? The public who spent their weekends searching the woods and putting up flyers while you knew what had happened to Annie the whole time? Well, they're crying out for blood. So they don't just want someone to pay for this, they need someone to pay for this.'

'Well, it's good they want someone to pay. The person who did this should pay.' Her eyes moistened. 'When I think about what Annie went through...'

His voice gentle, Gary said, 'Look, Lorraine, I'm on your side here. I'm trying to help you get out of this mess. They don't just want to convict you, Lorraine--they want to nail you to the wall. So unless you give me something to work with, you're going to go down for hiring someone to kill your own daughter, and I won't be able to stop it.'

Both eyes drooped as she watched him warily. Not ready to walk into the trap and nibble the cheese, but sniffing the air. I watched the two of them--horrified, fascinated, yet somehow removed, as though this were someone else's mother, some other cop.

'I was in that hospital with you, Lorraine--I saw how hard it was on you. I know you really love your daughter--you'd do anything for her.' She began to kick her feet in the air beneath the table. 'But Annie, she can be pretty stubborn, I know, and no matter how good your advice is, she doesn't listen, does she?' Not sure I liked where he was going with this.

'No one listens to you, do they? Not your daughter, not Wayne. It can't be easy watching him blow chance after chance, nothing ever coming through for you.'

'That man couldn't find his way out of a paper bag unless I was standing over him.' With a toss of her ponytail, she shifted gears. 'Some men just need an extra push to realize their potential.'

Gary gave her a sad smile. 'But you shouldn't have had to push him, Lorraine. If he'd been a better husband, a better provider, well, you wouldn't have had to do any of this, would you?' She started to shake her head in agreement but caught herself and became very still.

'And we both know Wayne should've straightened things out with the loan shark so you could save Annie. But he didn't, did he? Nope, he left it to you to try to fix. And now he's putting it all on you.'

He leaned toward her until their noses were almost touching. She sucked on her lip like she was trying to get the last traces of alcohol out of it. She wanted to say it, wanted to tell him--she just needed a little push.

In a voice dripping sympathy, Gary said, 'Wayne let you down, no doubt about it, but we can help you, Lorraine. We can make sure you're safe. It's not your fault things got so out of hand.' And with that little nudge she tumbled over the edge, her face flushed and her eyes feverish.

'He was just supposed to keep her for a week. He told me the cabin was nice, he spent over a month getting it ready for her, but he wouldn't tell me where it was because he said I'd be more believable if I truly didn't know where to find her. He had a drug that would make her calm so she wouldn't be scared or anything--she'd mostly just sleep--and it was totally safe. At the end of the week he was going to leave her in the trunk of a car on a street, then phone and tell me where it was so I could make an anonymous call to the cops. But he didn't call, and the cell number he gave me didn't work anymore. And I couldn't do anything to save her. The loan shark said he'd cut my face.' Her eyes wide, she touched both hands to her cheeks. 'I sent Wayne to talk to him and he screwed it up so bad we owed more.'

'Did you give this to Simon?' Gary slid the photo of me I'd found at the cabin across the table.

'It was the only decent photo I could find--she's always frowning in the pictures I take.'

'So you thought it was important he find Annie attractive?'

'He'd seen photos of her in Dwight's cell from when she was young, he wanted to see how she'd grown up.'

Gary, who had been taking a sip of coffee, choked and broke into a coughing fit. He took a few deep breaths and cleared his throat, but before he could say anything Mom launched into her closing argument.

'So, you see, it's not my fault--if he'd kept to my plan, she'd have been fine. But now that I've told you everything you can talk to your bosses for me and straighten it all out.' She smiled prettily and reached over the table, placing her hand over his. 'You always struck me as the kind of man who knew how to take care of a woman. I'd like to make you a nice dinner, show you my appreciation...?' She tilted her head and gave him another smile.

Gary sipped the coffee for at least a minute, then set the cup down and drew his other hand out from beneath Mom's.

'Lorraine, you're under arrest. You won't be going anywhere for a very long time.' She actually looked surprised. Then confused. Then hurt.

'But I thought you understood.'

Gary straightened up. 'I do understand, Lorraine. I understand that you committed a crime, you broke the law, several of them in fact, and did nothing to rectify the situation. I understand that you turned a killer loose on your daughter. I understand that the killer impregnated her, then killed her baby girl. That she was terrified, alone, beaten, raped, and brutalized--never knowing from one day to the next whether it was her last. Never knowing why this was happening to her. Now I can finally give her an answer, but I wish to hell it wasn't this one.'

When Gary began to walk out of the room, she stood up and grabbed his arm as he tried to brush past her. Tears shimmering in her blue eyes, she pressed her breasts against his arm.

'But I didn't know he was a killer, I never wanted her hurt--I'm a good mother, don't you understand?' Her voice cracked on the last word.

Gary took her by the shoulders, gently moved her away from him, and continued toward the door.

'This isn't fair!'

At the door he turned and said, 'What isn't fair is that Annie ended up with you for a mother.'

He came into our little room and stood beside me. In silence, we watched Mom through the mirror. For a few moments after he left, her face was stamped with outrage, but her eyelids lifted as the last of her liquid courage left her and Gary's final words sank in. She paled and put both her hands over her mouth. No fake wails now. Her body began to jerk and shake violently as she sobbed. Her eyes cast wildly around the empty room. She stumbled backward and sat down hard on the chair, staring at the door, still sobbing.

'Do you want to go in and talk to her?' Gary said.

'I can't right now.' I was shaking.

When I asked him what was going to happen next, he said Mom and Wayne would be held until the arraignment, then bail would be set. I hadn't even thought about the fact that there might be a trial. Surely Mom will take a plea bargain. Even though I know I shouldn't care about what happens to her, I still wondered whether she'd get a lawyer and how they'd be able to afford one.

'What about the loan shark? Are they in danger?'

'We're going to be looking into that right away. But we'll make sure they're safe.'

Neither of us said a word as Gary walked me out to his car--I sure didn't know the appropriate thing to say. Thanks for arresting my mother and interrogating her so skillfully--you really know how to screw with her?

As I turned to get into my car, he said, 'I have something for you,' then handed me a pack of playing cards. 'Wayne had them in his pocket when we arrested him and he asked me to give them to you. He wanted you to know how sorry he is.' He paused and looked at me intently. 'I'm sorry too, Annie.'

'You don't have to be sorry--it's your job, and you're really good at it.' I knew I sounded bitter, and he looked