someone - and you wanted to ask Hannah - something -Bernard: Yes. As it turns out. I'm hoping Miss Jarvis will look
kindly on me. valentine: I doubt it. Bernard: Ah, you know about research? valentine: I know Hannah. Bernard: Has she been here long? valentine: Well in possession, I'm afraid. My mother had read
her book, you see. Have you? Bernard: No. Yes. Her book. Indeed. valentine: She's terrifically pleased with herself. Bernard: Well, I dare say if I wrote a bestseller -valentine: No, for reading it. My mother basically reads
gardening books. Bernard: She must be delighted to have Hannah Jarvis writing a
book about her garden. valentine: Actually it's about hermits.
(GUS returns through the same door, and turns to leave again.)
It's all right, Gus - what do you want? -
(But gus has gone again.)
Well. . . I'll take Lightning for his run.
18
Bernard: Actually, we've met before. At Sussex, a couple of years ago, a seminar . . .
valentine: Oh. Was I there?
Bernard: Yes. One of my colleagues believed he had found an unattributed short story by D. H. Lawrence, and he analysed it on his home computer, most interesting, perhaps you remember the paper?
valentine: Not really. But I often sit with my eyes closed and it doesn't necessarily mean I'm awake.
Bernard: Well, by comparing sentence structures and so forth, this chap showed that there was a ninety per cent chance that the story had indeed been written by the same person as Women in Love. To my inexpressible joy, one of your maths mob was able to show that on the same statistical basis there was a ninety per cent chance that Lawrence also wrote the Just William books and much of the previous day's Brighton and Hove Argus.
valentine: (Pause) Oh, Brighton. Yes. I was there. (And
looking out.) Oh - here she comes, I'll leave you to talk. By the way, is yours the red Mazda?
Bernard: Yes.
valentine: If you want a tip I'd put it out of sight through the stable arch before my father comes in. He won't have anyone in the house with a Japanese car. Are you queer?
Bernard: No, actually.
valentine: Well, even so.
(valentine leaves, closing the door. Bernard keeps staring at the closed door. Behind him, hannah comes to the garden door.)
hannah: Mr Peacock?
(BERNARD looks round vaguely then checks over his shoulder for the missing Peacock, then recovers himself and turns on the Nightingale bonhomie.)
Bernard: Oh . . . hello! Hello. Miss Jarvis, of course. Such a pleasure. I was thrown for a moment - the photograph doesn't do you justice.
hannah: Photograph?
(Her shoes have got muddy and she is taking them off.)
19
Bernard: On the book. I'm sorry to have brought you indoors, but Lady Chloe kindly insisted she -
hannah: No matter - you would have muddied your shoes.
Bernard: How thoughtful. And how kind of you to spare me a little of your time. (He is overdoing it. She shoots him a glance.)
hannah: Are you a journalist?
Bernard: (Shocked) No!
hannah: (Resuming) I've been in the ha-ha, very squelchy.
Bernard: (Unexpectedly) Ha-AaA!
hannah: What?
Bernard: A theory of mine. Ha-hah, not ha-ha. If you were strolling down the garden and all of a sudden the ground gave way at your feet, you're not going to go 'ha-ha', you're going to jump back and go 'ha-hah!', or more probably, 'Bloody 'ell!'... though personally I think old Murray was up the pole on that one - in France, you know, 'ha-ha' is used to denote a strikingly ugly woman, a much more likely bet for something that keeps the cows off the lawn. (This is not going well for Bernard but he seems blithely unaware. HANNAH stares at him for a moment.)
hannah: Mr Peacock, what can I do for you?
Bernard: Well, to begin with, you can call me Bernard, which is my name.
hannah: Thank you.
(She goes to the garden door to bang her shoes together and scrape off the worst of the mud.)
Bernard: The book! - the book is a revelation! To see Caroline Lamb through your eyes is really like seeing her for the first time. I'm ashamed to say I never read her fiction, and how right you are, it's extraordinary stuff- Early Nineteenth is my period as much as anything is.
hannah: You teach?
Bernard: Yes. And write, like you, like we all, though I've never done anything which has sold like Caro.
hannah: I don't teach.
Bernard: No. All the more credit to you. To rehabilitate a
20
forgotten writer, I suppose you could say that's the main
reason for an English don. hannah: Not to teach? BERNARD: Good God, no, let the brats sort it out for themselves.
Anyway, many congratulations. I expect someone will be
bringing out Caroline Lamb's oeuvre now? hannah: Yes, I expect so. Bernard: How wonderful! Bravo! Simply as a document
shedding reflected light on the character of Lord Byron, it's
bound to be -hannah: Bernard. You did say Bernard, didn't you? BERNARD: I did.
hannah: I'm putting my shoes on again. Bernard: Oh. You're not going to go out? hannah: No, I'm going to kick you in the balls. Bernard: Right. Point taken. Ezra Chater. hannah: Ezra Chater. BERNARD: Born Twickenham, Middlesex, 1778, author of two
verse narratives, 'The Maid of Turkey', 1808, and 'The
Couch of Eros', 1809. Nothing known after 1809, disappears
from view. hannah: I see. And? BERNARD: (Reaching for his bag) There is a Sidley Park
connection.
(He produces 'The Couch of Eros'from the bag. He reads the
inscription.)
To my friend Septimus Hodge, who stood up and gave his
best on behalf of the Author - Ezra Chater, at Sidley Park,
Derbyshire, April 10th 1809.
(He gives her the book.)
I am in your hands. hannah: The Couch of Eros'. Is it any good? Bernard: Quite surprising. hannah: You think there's a book in him? BERNARD: No, no - a monograph perhaps for the Journal of
English Studies. There's almost nothing on Chater, not a
word in the DNB, of course - by that time he'd been
completely forgotten.
21
hannah: Family?
Bernard: Zilch. There's only one other Chater in the British
Library database. hannah: Same period? Bernard: Yes, but he wasn't a poet like our Ezra, he was a
botanist who described a dwarf dahlia in Martinique and
died there after being bitten by a monkey. hannah: And Ezra Chater? Bernard: He gets two references in the
