Nightingale now being out of the bag) ooh - ah, how was the
surprise? - not yet, eh? Oh, well - sorry - tea, anyway - so
sorry if I - (Embarrassed, she leaves again, closing the door.
Pause.) hannah: You absolute shit.
(She heads off to leave.) Bernard: The thing is, there's a Byron connection too.
(HANNAH stops andfaces him.) hannah: I don't care. Bernard: You should. The Byron gang are going to get their
dicks caught in their zip. hannah: (Pause) Oh really? Bernard: If we collaborate. hannah: On what? Bernard: Sit down, I'll tell you. hannah: I'll stand for the moment. Bernard: This copy of The Couch of Eros' belonged to Lord
Byron.
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HANNAH: It belonged to Septimus Hodge.
Bernard: Originally, yes. But it was in Byron's library which was sold to pay his debts when he left England for good in 1816. The sales catalogue is in the British Library. 'Eros' was lot 74A and was bought by the bookseller and publisher John Nightingale of Opera Court, Pall Mall. . . whose name survives in the firm of Nightingale and Matlock, the present Nightingale being my cousin. (He pauses. H ANN ah hesitates and then sits down at the table.) I'll just give you the headlines. 1939, stock removed to Nightingale country house in Kent. 1945, stock returned to bookshop. Meanwhile, overlooked box of early nineteenth-century books languish in country house cellar until house sold to make way for the Channel Tunnel rail-link. 'Eros' discovered with sales slip from 1816 attached - photocopy available for inspection.
(He brings this from his bag and gives it to HANNAH who inspects it.)
HANNAH: All right. It was in Byron's library.
Bernard: A number of passages have been underlined. (HANNAH picks up the book and leafs through it.) All of them, and only them - no, no, look at me, not at the book - all the underlined passages, word for word, were used as quotations in the review of 'The Couch of Eros' in the Piccadilly Recreation of April 30th 1809. The reviewer begins by drawing attention to his previous notice in the same periodical of 'The Maid of Turkey'.
hannah: The reviewer is obviously Hodge. 'My friend
Septimus Hodge who stood up and gave his best on behalf of the Author.'
Bernard: That's the point. The Piccadilly ridiculed both books.
HANNAH: (Pause.) Do the reviews read like Byron?
Bernard: (Producing two photocopies from his case) They read a damn sight more like Byron than Byron's review of Wordsworth the previous year. (HANNAH glances over the photocopies.)
HANNAH: I see. Well, congratulations. Possibly. Two previously
30
unknown book reviews by the young Byron. Is that it? Bernard: No. Because of the tapes, three documents survived undisturbed in the book.
(He has been carefully opening a package produced from his bag. He has the originals. He holds them carefully one by one.) 'Sir - we have a matter to settle. I wait on you in the gun room. E. Chater, Esq.'
'My husband has sent to town for pistols. Deny what cannot be proven - for Charity's sake -1 keep my room this day.' Unsigned.
'Sidley Park, April nth 1809. Sir -1 call you a liar, a lecher, a slanderer in the press and a thief of my honour. I wait upon your arrangements for giving me satisfaction as a man and a poet. E. Chater, Esq.'
(Pause.)
hannah: Superb. But inconclusive. The book had seven years to find its way into Byron's possession. It doesn't connect Byron with Chater, or with Sidley Park. Or with Hodge for that matter. Furthermore, there isn't a hint in Byron's letters and this kind of scrape is the last thing he would have kept quiet about.
Bernard: Scrape?
hannah: He would have made a comic turn out of it.
Bernard: Comic turn, fiddlesticks! (He pauses for effect.) He killed Chater!
HANNAH: (A raspberry) Oh, really!
BERNARD: Chater was thirty-one years old. The author of two books. Nothing more is heard from him after 'Eros'. He disappears completely after April 1809. And Byron - Byron had just published his satire, English Bards and Scotch Reviewers, in March. He was just getting a name. Yet he sailed for Lisbon as soon as he could find a ship, and stayed abroad for two years. Hannah, this is fame. Somewhere in the Croom papers there will be something -
hannah: There isn't, I've looked.
Bernard: But you were looking for something else! It's not
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going to jump out at you like 'Lord Byron remarked wittily
at breakfast!' HANNAH: Nevertheless his presence would be unlikely to have
gone unremarked. But there is nothing to suggest that Byron
was here, and I don't believe he ever was. Bernard: All right, but let me have a look. hannah: You'll queer my pitch. Bernard: Dear girl, I know how to handle myself-hannah: And don't call me dear girl. If I find anything on
Byron, or Chater, or Hodge, I'll pass it on. Nightingale,
Sussex.
(Pause. She stands up.) Bernard: Thank you. I'm sorry about that business with my
name. hannah: Don't mention it... Bernard: What was Hodge's college, by the way? hannah: Trinity. BERNARD: Trinity?
hannah: Yes. (She hesitates.) Yes. Byron's old college. Bernard: How old was Hodge? hannah: I'd have to look it up but a year or two older than
Byron. Twenty-two .. . Bernard: Contemporaries at Trinity? hannah: (Wearily) Yes, Bernard, and no doubt they were both in
the cricket eleven when Harrow played Eton at Lords!
(BERNARD approaches her and stands close to her.) Bernard: (Evenly) Do you mean that Septimus Hodge was at
school with Byron? hannah: (Falters slightly) Yes ... he must have been ... as a
matter of fact. Bernard: Well, you silly cow.
(With a large gesture of pure happiness, BERNARD throws his
arms around HANNAH and gives her a great smacking kiss on the
cheek. CHLOE enters to witness the end of this.) chloE: Oh - erm ... I thought I'd bring it to you.
(She is carrying a small tray with two mugs on it.) BERNARD: I have to go and see about my car. hannah: Going to hide it?
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BERNARD: Hide it? I'm going to sell it! Is there a pub I can put up
at in the village?
(He turns back to them as he is about to leave through the
garden.)
Aren't you glad I'm here?
(He leaves.) CHLOE: He said he knew you. HANNAH: He couldn't have. chloE: No, perhaps not. He said he wanted to be a surprise, but
I suppose that's different. I thought there was a lot of sexual
energy there, didn't you? hannah: What? chloE: Bouncy on his feet, you see, a sure sign. Should I invite
him for you? hannah: To what? No. chloE: You can invite him - that's better. He can come as your
partner. hannah: Stop it. Thank you for the tea. CHLOE: If you don't want him, I'll have him. Is he married? hannah: I haven't the slightest idea. Aren't you supposed to
have a pony? chloE: I'm just trying to fix you up, Hannah. hannah: Believe me, it gets less important. chloE: I mean for the dancing. He can come as Beau Brummel. hannah: I don't want to dress up and I don't want a
