before I finally shook hands with him. Though he tried to appear
absolutely indifferent, I think that he understood that from that day
forth he had lost both my affection and his power over me, as well as
that he regretted it.
XXIV -- IN BED
'How could I have managed to be so long and so passionately devoted to
Seriosha?' I asked myself as I lay in bed that night. 'He never either
understood, appreciated, or deserved my love. But Sonetchka! What a
darling SHE is! 'Wilt THOU?'--'THY hand'!'
I crept closer to the pillows, imagined to myself her lovely face,
covered my head over with the bedclothes, tucked the counterpane in on
all sides, and, thus snugly covered, lay quiet and enjoying the warmth
until I became wholly absorbed in pleasant fancies and reminiscences.
If I stared fixedly at the inside of the sheet above me I found that I
could see her as clearly as I had done an hour ago could talk to her in
my thoughts, and, though it was a conversation of irrational tenor, I
derived the greatest delight from it, seeing that 'THOU' and 'THINE' and
'for THEE' and 'to THEE' occurred in it incessantly. These fancies were
so vivid that I could not sleep for the sweetness of my emotion, and
felt as though I must communicate my superabundant happiness to some
one.
'The darling!' I said, half-aloud, as I turned over; then, 'Woloda, are
you asleep?'
'No,' he replied in a sleepy voice. 'What's the matter?'
'I am in love, Woloda--terribly in love with Sonetchka'
'Well? Anything else?' he replied, stretching himself.
'Oh, but you cannot imagine what I feel just now, as I lay covered over
with the counterpane, I could see her and talk to her so clearly that
it was marvellous! And, do you know, while I was lying thinking about
her--I don't know why it was, but all at once I felt so sad that I could
have cried.'
Woloda made a movement of some sort.
'One thing only I wish for,' I continued; 'and that is that I could
always be with her and always be seeing her. Just that. You are in love
too, I believe. Confess that you are.'
It was strange, but somehow I wanted every one to be in love with
Sonetchka, and every one to tell me that they were so.
'So that's how it is with you? ' said Woloda, turning round to me.
'Well, I can understand it.'
'I can see that you cannot sleep,' I remarked, observing by his bright
eyes that he was anything but drowsy. 'Well, cover yourself over SO'
(and I pulled the bedclothes over him), 'and then let us talk about her.
Isn't she splendid? If she were to say to me, 'Nicolinka, jump out of
the window,' or 'jump into the fire,' I should say, 'Yes, I will do it
at once and rejoice in doing it.' Oh, how glorious she is!'
I went on picturing her again and again to my imagination, and, to enjoy
the vision the better, turned over on my side and buried my head in the
pillows, murmuring, 'Oh, I want to cry, Woloda.'
'What a fool you are!' he said with a slight laugh. Then, after a
moment's silence he added: 'I am not like you. I think I would rather
sit and talk with her.'
'Ah! Then you ARE in love with her!' I interrupted.
'And then,' went on Woloda, smiling tenderly, 'kiss her fingers and eyes
and lips and nose and feet--kiss all of her.'
'How absurd!' I exclaimed from beneath the pillows.
'Ah, you don't understand things,' said Woloda with contempt.
'I DO understand. It's you who don't understand things, and you talk
rubbish, too,' I replied, half-crying.
'Well, there is nothing to cry about,' he concluded. 'She is only a
girl.'
XXV -- THE LETTER
ON the 16th of April, nearly six months after the day just described,
Papa entered our schoolroom and told us that that night we must start
with him for our country house. I felt a pang at my heart when I heard
the news, and my thoughts at once turned to Mamma. The cause of our
