that she had left him nothing for the poor, she took out ten roubles,
and asked him to distribute them in the parish. Lastly she made the sign
of the cross, lay down, and expired--pronouncing with a smile of joy the
name of the Almighty.
She quitted life without a pang, and, so far from fearing death,
welcomed it as a blessing. How often do we hear that said, and how
seldom is it a reality! Natalia Savishna had no reason to fear death
for the simple reason that she died in a sure and certain faith and in
strict obedience to the commands of the Gospel. Her whole life had
been one of pure, disinterested love, of utter self-negation. Had her
convictions been of a more enlightened order, her life directed to a
higher aim, would that pure soul have been the more worthy of love and
reverence? She accomplished the highest and best achievement in this
world: she died without fear and without repining.
They buried her where she had wished to lie--near the little mausoleum
which still covers Mamma's tomb. The little mound beneath which she
sleeps is overgrown with nettles and burdock, and surrounded by a black
railing, but I never forget, when leaving the mausoleum, to approach
that railing, and to salute the plot of earth within by bowing
reverently to the ground.
Sometimes, too, I stand thoughtfully between the railing and the
mausoleum, and sad memories pass through my mind. Once the idea came to
me as I stood there: 'Did Providence unite me to those two beings solely
in order to make me regret them my life long?'
The Project Gutenberg EBook of Boyhood, by Leo Tolstoy
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BOYHOOD
By Leo Tolstoy
Translated by C.J. HOGARTH
I. A SLOW JOURNEY
Again two carriages stood at the front door of the house at Petrovskoe.
In one of them sat Mimi, the two girls, and their maid, with the
bailiff, Jakoff, on the box, while in the other--a britchka--sat Woloda,
myself, and our servant Vassili. Papa, who was to follow us to Moscow in
a few days, was standing bareheaded on the entrance-steps. He made the
sign of the cross at the windows of the carriages, and said:
'Christ go with you! Good- bye.'
Jakoff and our coachman (for we had our own horses) lifted their caps in
answer, and also made the sign of the cross.
'Amen. God go with us!'
The carriages began to roll away, and the birch-trees of the great
avenue filed out of sight.
I was not in the least depressed on this occasion, for my mind was not
so much turned upon what I had left as upon what was awaiting me. In
proportion as the various objects connected with the sad recollections
which had recently filled my imagination receded behind me, those
recollections lost their power, and gave place to a consolatory feeling
of life, youthful vigour, freshness, and hope.
Seldom have I spent four days more--well, I will not say gaily, since
I should still have shrunk from appearing gay--but more agreeably and
pleasantly than those occupied by our journey.
No longer were my eyes confronted with the closed door of Mamma's room
(which I had never been able to pass without a pang), nor with the
covered piano (which nobody opened now, and at which I could never look
without trembling), nor with mourning dresses (we had each of us on our
ordinary travelling clothes), nor with all those other objects which
recalled to me so vividly our irreparable loss, and forced me to abstain
