completely loony. “It’s crazy. I’m going crazy. I swear. I can’t tell you why. I–I don’t even know why.”
“What can I do to help you?” Jacian asks. His eyes are filled with concern. There is nothing left of his hardness, his anger from when Kendall first met him.
She can’t tell him. “I just. .” She bites her lip and then tries to laugh at her own ridiculousness.
Because, thinking back on the day, it all seems so crazy. Like she was hypnotized or something. And now it’s like she has snapped out of it. Like it’s probably all just her imagination. “I just need to stop thinking about Nico for a while, I think. Not forget him, just. . try to let him go a little bit.”
Jacian swallows hard and looks off into the woods for a moment, like he doesn’t know what to say.
Then he nods. “Okay. . um. .”
“Yeah. So. Can you help me?” She sniffs and wipes her eyes. “Sorry about all the crying.”
“Sure. And I don’t mind. Once in a while, I mean.” He laughs. “I don’t get what I can do to help you, though. Keep you occupied? Like, maybe you and I could go riding tomorrow.”
“Yeah, like that. That sounds good. I’m going to tell my parents that I need to have some time away from all that thinking that happens when I’m working on the farm. They’ll let me. They’re worried.”
“And Sunday, you’re coming for Marlena’s birthday party?”
“Yes,” Kendall says. “Yes. Thank you. Okay.” She sighs in relief. “That sounds good. I hope you don’t get sick of me. You’re a real champ to do this.”
“Well, it’s a hardship, that’s for sure. Just looking at you makes me want to go and. . do something.”
“Ooh, zinger.”
“Yeah, pathetic. I’ll work on that.”
Kendall hops to her feet, a little embarrassed and ready to end this episode of the ongoing drama.
“Okay,” she says. “Ready to finish this game?” She offers a hand.
“The rules say the game’s not over until you assault me with a flagrant foul, you know.”
“Hey, it wasn’t flagrant.” She slaps his head.
Jacian grabs her hand and gets up. “Yesterday? Grabbing me around the waist and tripping me? No, that was really subtle, Fletcher. No call. Now,” he says lightly, though his eyes pierce through her, “let’s see if you can keep your hands off me.” He draws his thumb across her jaw, catching a lingering teardrop.
An unexpected longing pierces her gut, runs through her whole body, and her lips part in surprise. “No problem,” she says. Not quite sure she means it.
We had you. For a moment We had you wrapped inside Our core. You were a cricket in Our web.
Our patience is thin, Our souls shellacked in wood. We need you.
Come back, little cricket.
SAVE ME!
I’M ALIVE.
SAY YES.
Saturday dawns clear. At breakfast Kendall thinks about school and the desk, and knows it has to be her mind messing with her. Playing tricks. It’s the stress, she knows. Hanging around with Jacian and being normal? It sounds awesome. Riding again? Fantastic. It’s been months.
“You’re off the job for the rest of the season,” her father says. “Do you need to visit your shrink again?”
“Nathan,” Mrs. Fletcher chides.
“Sorry. Your psychologist?”
“I don’t care if you call her a shrink,” Kendall says, mouth full of pancakes. “And no, I think I’m okay. I just need to do some of the old techniques again to control this OCD. I know what to do. It’s just all the time I have to think about Nico in school, and then in the fields. . it was really getting to me. Making me a little bit crazy.” A lot crazy, to be honest.
“I told you, Nathan,” Mrs. Fletcher says. “This kind of schedule for her was a bad idea, after everything that’s happened.”
“Hey!” Mr. Fletcher says. “Why is everything suddenly all my fault?”
“And then the rejection from Juilliard. .”
“Yeah, thanks for the reminder,” Kendall says. The mention of Juilliard, the lack of future plans, dampens her mood considerably.
“Sorry,” Mrs. Fletcher says, “but it’s true you need to start thinking about another option sometime soon.”
“But, Mother!” Kendall flops her head onto the table. She knows it’s true.
“Now, where are you going to be today?”
Kendall lifts her head. “I’m going riding.”
“With?”
“With. . Jacian.” She feels guilty saying it. As if maybe Nico is somewhere listening.
“Is Marlena going too?”
“No,” she says wryly, “she’s not quite ready to get back on the horse.”
Mr. Fletcher snickers.
Mrs. Fletcher looks concerned. “Does he know how to ride?”
“Yeah. Marlena said they had horses in Arizona. And he rides Hector’s now and then.”
“You stay close to town, okay? Don’t go too far.” Mrs. Fletcher’s voice is nervous.
“Mother, may I remind you that when the two individuals disappeared, they were in town? We’re probably safer the farther out we ride.”
“I know. I just worry.”
“We’ll be fine. Back by dark.”
“Fine. Call me if you need a ride, though I’ll be out working until sundown.”
Mr. Fletcher drains the last of his coffee and shoves his chair back wearily, ready for another day.
“Should be done by week’s end,” he says.
Mrs. Fletcher follows him but stops to give Kendall a peck on the cheek. “Have fun. You could use some fun for once.”
“I will. See you tonight. I’ll call when we’re back at the ranch. You and Daddy are going to Hector’s for dinner tomorrow, right? Did he call?”
“Yes, he called. We’re going to try. We lost most of two days this week because of the rain, you know.
. but Dad and I could use a break too.”
“Cool.” Kendall reaches out and hugs her mother. “Thanks for letting me off work,” she says.
When Jacian comes to pick her up, Kendall has a backpack filled with water and food, an emergency kit, and a blanket to sit on for lunch. She’s wearing jeans and boots and grabs her jacket and a cowboy hat on the way out.
“You get your deliveries done already?” she asks as they head back to the ranch.
“I did them last night and two this morning. Done.”
“Sweet.”
Back at Hector’s they walk out to the horse barn. Marlena waves forlornly from the window. “She’s pathetic,” Jacian says.
“I feel bad she can’t do anything.”
“She’s got friends coming over. She’ll be fine. Plus, she gets a big blowout party tomorrow.”
“True.”
The barn is quiet, eerie. They saddle up two quarter horses and lead them out. Kendall unpacks her backpack and leaves it inside the barn, loads the saddlebags with the goods, and then mounts. They head off on a path toward the woods at a brisk walk, quiet at first. It smells crisp and piney.
After a while Kendall’s mind starts running circles around her, about the desk and Nico. Trying to forget about all of that, she asks, “Remember when you were in my driveway?”
“Yeah.”
