never take advice from anybody!
George Bernard Shaw said something similar in an 1894 letter to an aspiring critic, R. Golding Bright. At the end of a letter filled with suggestions, Shaw wrote:
Finally, since I have given you all this advice,
I add this crowning precept, the most valuable of all.
NEVER TAKE ANYBODY’S ADVICE.
By giving advice to never take advice, Fields and Shaw were engaging in self-contradictory phrasing, a topic I explored in a previous book, Oxymoronica: Paradoxical Wit and Wisdom from History’s Greatest Wordsmiths (2004).
In an oxymoron, two opposing words are paired in such a way that something literally false becomes figuratively true (as in expressions like jumbo shrimp, pretty ugly, old news, and according to some, military intelligence). The Oxford Companion to the English Language defines oxymoron this way:
A term in rhetoric for bringing opposites together in a compact paradoxical word or phrase.
An oxymoron is sometimes described as “a compressed paradox,” and the two terms are closely related, though paradox is far more difficult to define. Here’s what the Oxford Companion to the English Language has to say on the subject:A term in rhetoric for a situation or a statement that is or seems
self-contradictory and even absurd, but may contain an insight intolife, such as the child is father of the man. Rationally, a child cannotbe a father, but one can propose in this figurative way
that the nature of one’s early life affects later ideas and attitudes.
If an oxymoron contains a contradiction in terms, then a paradox contains a contradiction in ideas. In paradoxical statements—such as less is more or never say never—we see an internal contradiction that initially may appear a bit jarring. As with an oxymoron, a paradoxical statement may look false—or even ridiculous—at first, but closer examination often reveals a deeper meaning, and sometimes even the elements of a profound truth.
Advising people not to take advice—as Fields and Shaw did—is paradoxical phrasing at its best. It’s also something that others have done over the years:
Never give advice—it will just backfire on you.DON NOVELLO, in his Saturday Night Live
role as Father Guido Sarducci
Remember who you are and where you are and what you’re doing.
Nobody else can do anything for you
and you really wouldn’t want them to, anyway.
And never take advice, including this.KATHERINE ANNE PORTER, advice to young artists
I always advise people never to give advice.P. G. WODEHOUSE
While Never take advice is a popular example of self-contradictory phrasing, it is not the most popular example. Not by far. That honor would have to go to Never say never, a saying used to communicate the idea that it is folly to predict that something will never happen or that you will never do something again.
A number of reference sources indicate that the saying first appeared in The Pickwick Papers, an 1837 classic by Charles Dickens. I’ve searched the book several times, though, and while the expression Never say die does appear, Never say never is nowhere to be found. The Yale Book of Quotations suggests that it is of far more recent origin, calling it “A modern proverb” and citing a 1926 song by George Marion Jr. as the first documented appearance of the saying.
We may never learn who originally authored Never say never, but it’s become a modern classic, serving as the title of more than fifty books and at least a dozen song and album titles. You may recall from the stage & screen chapter how it showed up in the life and career of Sean Connery. The phrase also played a prominent role in the life of another screen legend, Gloria Swanson. In her 1980 autobiography Swanson on Swanson, the legendary screen star wrote:
Never say never, for if you live long enough,
chances are you will not be able to abide by its restrictions.
Swanson added: “Never is a long, undependable time, and life is too full of rich possibilities to have restrictions placed upon it.” She went on to clarify her meaning by writing: “In 1921 I told myself and millions of fans that I would never marry again. I have had four husbands since then.”
Oxymoronic and paradoxical language is often used when people are attempting to counter one truth about the human experience with a countertruth. Take the example of a favor, which is formally defined as “A gracious, friendly, or obliging act that is freely granted.” Given such a description, the idea of someone doing you a favor would appear to be a real benefit, right? Well, yes. At least most of the time. But H. L. Mencken once offered a counterview:
Never let your inferiors do you a favor—it will be extremely costly.
By pointing out that a favor can also occasionally have some very real costs attached to it, Mencken has dipped his toes into paradoxical waters. His observation illustrates a time-honored anonymous observation on the subject: “A paradox is a truth standing on its head to get our attention.”
Paradoxical language is often used to say something in a clever as well as a thought-provoking way. In each of the following admonitions, you will find a fascinating internal contradiction:
Never drink unless you’re alone or with somebody.
Never miss an opportunity to make others happy,
even if you have to leave them alone to do it.
Never let your schooling interfere with your education.
The last quotation is commonly attributed to Mark Twain, and often in the variant version, “I have never let my schooling
