But I can’t. I just can’t say those magical words with Antony there, making clever-clever comments and mocking every phrase. It’ll be different in the wedding. He’ll have to shut up.
““Magnus.” I pull him aside with a whisper. “Let’s not do our vows today after all. Not with your father here. They’re too special to ruin.”
“OK.” He looks surprised. “I don’t mind either way.”
“Let’s just say them once. On the day.” I squeeze his hand. “For real.”
Even without Antony, I don’t want to preempt the big moment, I realize. I don’t
“Yes, I agree.” Magnus nods. “So … are we done now?”
“No, we’re not done!” says Lucinda, sounding outraged. “Far from it! I want Poppy to walk up the aisle again. You went
“OK.” I shrug, heading to the back of the church.
“Organ, please!” shrieks Lucinda. “Or-gan! From the top! Glide
Clemency is just back from a Costa run, and I can see her out of the corner of my eye, hastily tearing open sachets of sugar and milk.
“I’ll help!” I say, and break off from gliding. “What can I do?”
“Thanks,” whispers Clemency as I come over. “Antony wants three sugars, Magnus is the cappuccino, Wanda has the biscotti … ”
“Where’s my double-chocolate extra-cream muffin?” I say with a puzzled frown, and Clemency jumps sky-high in the air.
“I didn’t—I can go back—”
“Joke!” I say. “Just joking!”
The longer Clemency works for Lucinda, the more like a terrified rabbit she looks. It really can’t be good for her health.
Lucinda takes her tea (milk, no sugar) with the briefest of nods. She seems totally hassled again and has laid a massive spreadsheet printout across the pews. It’s such a mess of highlighter and scribbled notes and Post-it notes, I’m amazed she’s organized anything.
“Oh God, oh God,” she’s saying under her breath. “Where’s the fucking
“Shall I Google it for you?” I suggest.
“Clemency will Google it.
“I’ll take that,” I say hastily, and relieve her of the Costa tray.
“If you could, that
“I know,” I say awkwardly. “Um … sorry.”
I have no idea where Magnus and his parents have got to, so I head toward the back of the church, holding the Costa tray full of cups, trying to glide, imagining myself in my veil.
“Ridiculous!” I hear Wanda’s muffled voice first. “
I look around uncertainly—then realize it’s coming from behind a heavy closed wooden door to the side of the church. They must be in the antechapel.
“Everyone knows … Attitude to marriage … ” That’s Magnus speaking—but the door is so thick I can catch only the odd word.
“ …
“
I’m rooted to the spot, ten yards away from the door, holding the Costa coffee tray. I know I shouldn’t eavesdrop. But I can’t stop myself.
“ … admit it, Magnus … complete mistake …”
“ … cancel. Not too late. Better now than a messy divorce … ”
I swallow hard. My hands are trembling around the tray. What am I hearing? What was that word,
I’m probably misinterpreting, I tell myself. It’s only a few stray words, they could mean anything.
A chill settles on me. It’s quite hard to find an alternative interpretation of that.
There’s some rumbling reply from Antony, then Magnus yells again, “ … will
I feel a swell of love for Magnus. He sounds so furious. A moment later there’s a rattling at the door, and in a flash I backtrack about ten steps. As he emerges, I walk forward again, trying to look relaxed.