THE CALL IS FOUR HOURS LATE.
The nice girl yells at him and says she was worried. “You should have called!” | The bitch isn’t so easily upset, so she isn’t so easy to read. She may or may not pick up the phone, which makes him miss her. |
SCENARIO #3: HE SEEMS A LITTLE WITHDRAWN, PENSIVE, AND NOT PARTICULARLY TALKATIVE.
The nice girl continually pries and asks, “What are you thinking about?” She worries that he is pulling away. | The bitch is in her own thoughts. She doesn’t panic, which makes him come her way. |
SCENARIO #4: HE IS VERY LATE FOR A DATE AND KEEPS HER WAITING.
The nice girl waits, calls him on his cell phone four times, and tells him he should “value her more.” | The bitch waits a halfhour and then makes other plans. |
The difference in these situations isn’t as much how you treat him as how you treat yourself. The bitch’s behavior lets him know without any words that she will not pull the plug on her life to accommodate him.
1. Do you feel guilty when you say no, or do you say no and then second-guess yourself?
Yes No
2. Do you often try to tell your partner that you want to be treated with respect?
Yes No
3. Do you find yourself bartering or negotiating for what you want or need?
Yes No
4. Do you often pass up sleep or the need for personal time to meet his needs?
Yes No
5. Do you regularly see him on short notice or when it is convenient for him?
Yes No
6. Do you find that you repeat what you’ve asked for as though he didn’t hear it the first time?
Yes No
7. After a fight, are you always the first one to contact him or apologize?
Yes No
8. Do you find you are much more doting and affectionate than he is?
Yes No
9. Do you often feel depleted after he has been with you?
Yes No
10. Do you constantly want more attention or reassurance?
Yes No
If you’ve answered yes to five or more of these ten questions, you are giving far more than you are receiving. Let’s explore why giving yourself up is never in your best interests.
Women understand the concept of balance between work and play. They balance time with family and time with friends. They balance a job with getting an education. But when it comes to a man, the nice girl abandons all sense of balance and immediately makes the man the whole pie. But with a bitch, he is just a piece of it. She keeps the other pieces intact.
It all starts out subtly. “What are you doing right now?” he asks when he calls her from his cell phone. “Well, I was going to catch a movie with a girlfriend,” she answers. The operative word is
A man will try to get you to be very accessible because it’s natural that he’ll want to make things more convenient for himself. And he’ll do so by saying the following to pressure you to accommodate him:
“I don’t like to plan things.”
“I like to be spontaneous.”
“I like to fly by the seat of my pants.”
Another key factor that distinguishes the nice girl from the bitch is how much of herself she’ll give up. Once you’re in a relationship and he’s shown a pattern of being interested over time, then it’s okay to be a little more spontaneous. In the beginning, however, don’t make yourself so accessible. If you do, the relationship will always be on his terms.
The nice girl will often cancel plans with a girlfriend if she gets a last-minute date. The bitch will hold her own simply by keeping her previously set plans. I know one bitchy woman whose partner absolutely adores her. If she’s painting her toenails when he calls, she’ll still say, “Thank you so much, but I’m a little busy right now.”
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Sometimes a man will get tickets to something at the last minute. Or he’ll plan a romantic surprise. He is spontaneous, but clearly you’re his first priority—so this is harmless. You’re in good shape if he’s calling you all the time and wants to see a lot of you.
What you want to guard against is going on last-minute dates or getting those last-minute calls to do something because he didn’t have anything better planned. Sometimes when a woman has feelings for a man, she can’t distinguish between the two.
THE SPONTANEOUS GUY WHO IS TREATING YOU LIKE A BACKUP VS. | THE SPONTANEOUS GUY WHO ADORES YOU |
---|---|
You don’t hear from him for two weeks at a time and then all of a sudden you get a phone call. | He makes dates ahead of time, and he also wants to see you spontaneously in between. |