Why Men Love Bitches

He prioritizes social engagements with his drinking buddies.	His buddies complain that he fell off the face of the earth. They hassle him but he doesn’t seem to care.
He makes travel arrangements with friends and never asks you to accompany him.	He’s constantly asking you to take time off from work so you can get away together.
He’s irritable when he’s around you and frequently complains of not having more time to himself.	He’s happy to be in your company. His friends and family all think he looks happier than he’s ever looked.
He calls you to cancel plans for that evening. Later that night, you call right back and it goes directly to voice mail. Then he calls the following day with a good excuse.	If he has to cancel, he feels badly about it. He calls you when he gets in from wherever he is because he has nothing to hide and he wants you to know he’s being totally “on the level.”
He won’t ever take you out or spend much money. He may ask you for a loan. Before you know it, you’re supporting the guy through college.	He’ll do anything just to see you smile.
You make it known that you’re available on a weekend night. And even though he works during the week, he doesn’t make himself available to see you.	He almost always sees you whenever you have time, unless he has a professional commitment or there’s an important extenuating circumstance.

A common example is the typical “booty call.” First, the guy waits to hear back from someone else before confirming whether he can see you. He’ll call at 5:00 and say he hasn’t showered yet and he’s on the way At 7:00 he calls again and pulls the plug: “My friend Troy stopped by” Then he says he’ll make it an early night with Troy and tells you he wants to get together afterward. He gets in late, and that’s when he offers to see you, providing you drive to his place.

No matter how much you want to see him, don’t go. At this point, you want to seriously consider not ever seeing him again. If you do go, you won’t be more appealing to him; you’ll be turning the dimmer switch down on his attraction for you.

A friend of mine named Crystal was in this exact situation and handled it perfectly. A man named Brett called her on a Saturday night; it was well after midnight and raining, and he asked her in a seductive tone of voice to drive to his place. A classic booty call. Crystal hadn’t heard from Brett in two weeks, since he’d indicated he wanted to “see other people.” He also lived 35 miles away from her at the time.

Crystal said, “Okay, sweetie. I’m on my way. Give me five minutes to put on a garter belt under my raincoat. I’ll be there in forty minutes.” She also asked Brett to wait downstairs for her in the rain with an umbrella, so she wouldn’t get drenched walking to the front of his apartment complex. He waited and waited and waited. Three hours later, it occurred to him like a stunning revelation: No booty cometh.

In the morning Crystal awoke to several messages from Brett. In one of them, he mentioned that he had come down with a severe case of the flu from standing in the rain. (Not her fault. He should have gotten his flu shot.)

Again, the bitch is very nice. She is as sweet as a Georgia peach. But inside every sweet peach is a strong pit. And this means she won’t explain the obvious when a man is disrespectful. There is no way to hold your own in a relationship and simultaneously accept rude behavior. A quality man doesn’t want a woman he can trot all over. There is nothing wrong with having a little self-respect— and a few conditions.

Condition #1.

He books in advance.

The message? Your time and attention are valuable.

If you treat yourself as a valuable commodity, he will naturally put more stock in you. For example, he calls and says, “When can I see you?” Don’t say, “I’m wide open around the clock. Pick a time. Anytime!” He suggests Friday. “Okay!” He suggests Tuesday. “Okay!” He suggests three weeks from next Sunday. “Okay!”

Instead, politely tell him you have two nights that are good for you. Then let him choose one. He’ll probably choose both.

Here’s a similar circumstance. A doctor I know started a private practice. He didn’t want his receptionist to say, “Sure, we have tons of openings. Drop in any time.” Instead, he instructed her to say, “We can get you in at 2:15 or at 4:15. Which would work for you?” Most people would tend to value an appointment more with a doctor who appears to be fairly busy but is willing to accommodate them than with one who is always open like an allnight convenience store.

Condition #2.

Don’t see him when you are “running on empty.”

The message? He does not come before basic necessities (i.e., rest).

He says he’d like to see you at 9:00 P.M., and you don’t want to be out too late? Tell him, “I’d prefer to get together earlier.” If he can’t because he is working late, make no issue of it. Simply suggest getting together another night.

Condition #3.

If you aren’t having fun or he isn’t good company,

end the date immediately, and give a

superficial explanation as to why.

The message? You have a standard of how you expect to be treated.

For example, you are on a first date. He gets drunk and behaves badly. For starters, never get into a car with someone who is drinking. Always keep a credit card in your back pocket or a $20 bill in your bra. Tell him you are going home early. Excuse yourself, go to the little girl’s room, and call a cab.

Another friend named Kelly snagged a guy whom a lot of women wanted by setting the tone from the very beginning. She did so simply by being reticent. The man was extremely successful, very attractive, and charismatic. He first saw Kelly when he was eating his lunch at a cafeteria where she often eats. He had that confident vibe and was used to women hitting on him.

Kelly was the exception to the rule. He was trying to get her attention while she remained absolutely riveted by her BLT sandwich. She knew that he was watching her, but she pretended not to notice. He came back Tuesday. And Wednesday. And Thursday. When he finally asked her out, she paused before she answered, “I don’t know you, so I can’t look at you in a romantic way. We could start as friends and see where it leads.”

Here’s a guy who was used to women clamoring to be with him, but with Kelly, he was presented with a challenge to pursue a woman who let him know she won’t be so easily won over. In this way, she held her own.

ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #13