Why Men Love Bitches

Men don’t choose to be in love. It happens by accident. That’s why they coined the phrase to fall in love. As in “Oops!” He fell. He had a plan… but it went terribly awry.

ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #18

Always give the appearance

that he has plenty of space.

It gets him to drop his guard.

The more relaxed he is, the less guarded he’ll be; and then it’s only a matter of time before he reaches the point of no return. When he’s in madly in love, you won’t need to say things like “Where are you going?” or “What are you doing?” He’ll tell you everything you ever wanted to know because he wants to, not because you had to ask. And, if and when he does go out with the boys, he won’t be able to wait to get home to you.

The Power of Choice

Who can forget the scene in Coming to America in which Eddie Murphy, as the prince, stands before the altar prepared to wed his beautiful bride in a prearranged marriage? Before the ceremony, he takes the bride into a back room and asks her, “What do you like?” She responds, “Whatever you like.” Then he asks her what she likes to eat. “Whatever you like.” Her answers become more and more subservient. Then he tells her to bark like a dog and hop on one leg. When she does, he realizes he can’t go through with the wedding.

A man wants a woman who has a mind of her own. An opinion. The way you assert yourself lets him know whether you have self-confidence. It lets him know you can hold up your end of the bargain. When he gives you a “little crap,” you can give him a “little crap” right back. He respects a woman who can “trade blows” with him and hold her own.

You don’t have to always agree with everything he believes. A man falls in love with a woman when he feels he has “met his match.”

If you feel strongly about something, don’t be afraid to say so. When he asks, “What movie do you want to see?” don’t always tell him to choose. How about saying, “Hey, I sat through two of your ‘shoot-’em-up-bang-bang’ movies, so we’re seeing a ‘chick-flick’ tonight.” Men are attracted to a woman who can speak her mind. As one married man described, “Sometimes, get dressed to go out and tell him to stay home with the kids. Don’t ask him. Tell him.”

Another said something even more poignant. “I don’t think most men would mind if a woman was the one in control at home. Just as long as no one else knew about it.”

So begin your dating relationship with a voice. Don’t give the impression you are spineless. Remember the scene in When Harry Met Sally when Meg Ryan’s character takes an hour to order her sandwich? Have an opinion. State a preference. Be polite, but don’t be afraid to express yourself.

For example, suppose you’re at the video store deciding between two movies to rent. Don’t get the one that you’ve already seen. “I’ll see it again if you haven’t seen it.” Slap yourself. “There are a lot of good movies. How about we get one neither one of us has seen?”

If he suggests Indian food and you absolutely hate it, say, “Hey, I heard there’s a really good new restaurant right next door.” Show him that you aren’t afraid to make a suggestion or take the initiative. Assume that a man wants to be a gentleman. And if he wants to be a gentleman, he wants to please you.

The bitch requires an equivocal situation, whereas the nice girl does not. If the guy insists on picking the movie or restaurant all the time and has no regard for what she likes, the bitch will not have any contact with him. It isn’t about Italian or Chinese. It isn’t about one movie over another. It’s about whether he shows her he is selfish. This is a character flaw the bitch won’t tolerate.

This is a silly example, but I’ll offer it because evidently it worked. A Swedish girlfriend of mine named Anna recently had dinner with a man, and he ordered two lobsters. The waiter brought the two live lobsters to the table and asked, “Will this be okay, sir?” My friend is not a vegetarian, but she grew up with a couple of pet frogs in Sweden and was alarmed to see the lobsters’ little legs kicking. She said, “I just couldn’t sit through the next five minutes knowing these two things would be boiled alive,” and she insisted that he change the order.

Anna would have bet her life savings that this guy would never call her again, but he did. He called almost every day that week. He wanted to please her more than he wanted lobster. That’s a gentleman. I’m not saying the lobster example is a trick you should try at home, but it’s far better than the Eddie Murphy bride who said, “Whatever you like.”

ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #19

More than anything else, he watches to see if

you’ll be too emotionally dependent on him.

It isn’t that a man wants a woman who is “bitching” all the time or complaining about everything that’s wrong in her life. He wants a woman who isn’t afraid to disagree or express an opinion.

When he asks on the first date, “What do you like to do?” don’t shrug and say, “Um. You know. Stuff” You don’t need to say you’ll bungee jump, climb mountains, and then come home and have sex all night. But show him that you have an “appetite for life.” Your life.

It’s all in how you describe things. “Occasionally, (yawn) I pick up a book.” This not the same as “There is this amazing book I’m reading by Susan Faludi, and it’s so intriguing. She’s such an incredible writer.”

To better understand why men are put off by needy women, keep this example in mind. Ever had a girlfriend who always comes around when she is upset over some guy? In between relationships, she is nowhere to be found. After not hearing from her for two months, she cries on your shoulder when the guy blows her off. Then you don’t see her again until the next guy dumps her.

Eventually you won’t want to be around her because you won’t feel as though she is contributing to your friendship. That’s how a guy feels when you are too dependent on him. It becomes a burden if you lean on him too much. He is only human, and he has his own problems. Show him that you’ll be an equal partner, which means that you also have something to contribute.

ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #20

He must feel that you choose to be with him,

not that you need to be with him. Only then

will he perceive you as an equal partner.

The mere fact that the bitch can throw a little weight around or put him in his place once in a while gives him the impression she doesn’t need to be with him. She can stand on her own two feet. So, instead of feeling as if he’s lost his freedom, he feels as though he’s gained a strong woman. The relationship is a contributing force, rather than an obligation he’s stuck with.

This is also why giving him space is so important. It makes you look proud rather than desperate. It enables you to remain a challenge indefinitely. Why? You chose to be with him. You didn’t need to be. As a person, you feel you are complete with him or without him. This is the most important thing you can convey: independence rather than dependence. This is what gives him the perception you can hold your own.

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