CHAPTER XII
PETRUSHKA CAME SAUNTERING IN, bearing himself with some strange casualness and with a sort of knavishly solemn expression on his face. It was evident that he had thought up something, felt himself fully within his rights, and looked like a total stranger, that is, anyone else’s servant, only in no way the former servant of Mr. Goliadkin.
“Well, so you see, my dear,” our hero began breathlessly, “what time is it now, my dear?”
Petrushka silently went behind the partition, then returned and announced in a rather independent tone that it would soon be half-past seven.
“Well, all right, my dear, all right. Well, you see, my dear…allow me to tell you, my dear, that it seems everything is now over between us.”
Petrushka was silent.
“Well, now, since everything is over between us, tell me candidly now, tell me like a friend, where have you been, brother?”
“Where have I been? Among good people, sir.”
“I know, my friend, I know. I have always been satisfied with you, my dear, and I’ll give you a reference… Well, how are you doing with them now?”
“How am I doing, sir? You know yourself, if you please, sir. Everybody knows a good man won’t teach you anything bad.”
“I know, my dear, I know. Good people are rare nowadays, my friend; value them, my friend. Well, how are they doing?”
“Everybody knows how, sir…Only I can’t serve you any more now, sir; you know that yourself, if you please, sir.”
“I know, my dear, I know; I know your zeal and assiduousness; I’ve seen all that, my friend, I’ve noticed. I respect you, my friend. I respect a good and honest man, even if he’s a servant.”
“Why, sir, everybody knows! The likes of us, you know yourself, if you please, sir, go where it’s better. So there, sir. What’s it to me! Everybody knows, sir, there’s no doing without a good man, sir.”
“Well, all right, brother, all right; I feel that…Well, here’s your money and here’s your reference. Now let’s kiss, brother, let’s say good-bye…Well, now, my dear, I’ll ask one service of you, a last service,” Mr. Goliadkin said in a solemn tone. “You see, my dear, anything can happen. Woe also hides in gilded mansions, my friend, and there’s no getting away from it. You know, my friend, I believe I’ve always been nice to you…”
Petrushka was silent.
“I believe I’ve always been nice to you, my dear…Well, how much linen have we got now, my dear?”
“It’s all there, sir. Six cotton shirts, sir; three pairs of socks; four shirt fronts; a flannel vest; two undershirts, sir. You know it all, sir. There’s nothing of yours, sir, that I…I look after my master’s goods, sir. You and I, sir, sort of…it’s a known thing, sir…but anything wrong on my part—never, sir; you know that yourself, sir.”
“Right, my friend, right. I don’t mean that, my friend, not that; you see, there’s this, my friend…”
“Everybody knows, sir; that we know already, sir. Take me, when I was still in General Stolbniakov’s service, he dismissed me, sir, having gone to Saratov himself…to his family estate there…”
“No, my friend, I don’t mean that; I never…don’t go thinking anything, my dear friend…”
“Everybody knows, sir. With the likes of us, you know yourself, if you please, sir, you can slander a man in no time, sir. But they’ve always been satisfied with me, sir. There’ve been ministers, generals, senators, counts, sir. I’ve been with them all, sir, with Prince Svinchatkin, with Colonel Pereborkin, also had a go with General Nedobarov, in my native parts, sir. Everybody knows, sir…”
“Yes, my friend, yes; very well, my friend, very well. So now I, too, my friend, am leaving…There’s a different path laid down for each of us, my dear, and no one knows what road a man may wind up on. Well, my friend, give me my clothes now; and also put in my uniform…a second pair of trousers, sheets, blankets, pillows…”
“Will you have me tie it all up in a bundle, sir?”
“Yes, my friend, yes; perhaps in a bundle…Who knows what may happen with us? Well, now, my dear, go out and find a carriage…”
“A carriage, sir?…”
“Yes, my friend, a carriage, a roomy one and for some length of time. And don’t go thinking anything, my friend…”
“And do you mean to go a long way, sir?”
“I don’t know, my friend, I don’t know that either. I suppose you should also put in the feather bed. What do you think, my friend? I’m relying on you, my dear…”
“Might you be pleased to leave at once, sir?”
“Yes, my friend, yes! There’s this circumstance…so it is, my dear, so it is…”
“Everybody knows, sir; it was the same with a lieutenant in our regiment—ran off, sir…with a landowner’s…”
“Ran off?…What, my dear? You…”
“Yes, ran off, sir, and they got married on another estate. It was all prepared beforehand, sir. They were pursued; only here the late prince stepped in, sir—well, and the matter was settled, sir…”
“Married, hm…but how is it, my dear, how did you come to know it?”
“Why, what do you mean, sir, everybody knows! The earth’s full of rumors, sir. Yes, sir, we know everything…of course, nobody’s without sin. Only I’ll tell you now, sir, allow me in a simple, boorish way to tell you, since we’re talking about it, sir, I’ll tell you—you’ve got a rival there, sir, a strong rival…”
“I know, my friend, I know; you know it yourself, my dear…Well, so I’m relying on you. What are we to do, my friend? How would you advise me?”
“So then, sir, if you’re now proceeding, shall we say, in such a manner, sir, you’ll need to buy a thing or two, sir—well, say, sheets, pillows, another feather bed, a double one, sir, a good blanket, sir—from the neighbor here, sir, downstairs: she’s a tradeswoman; she has a good fox-fur woman’s coat; you could have a look at it and buy it, you could go now and have a look, sir. You’ll need it now, sir; a good satin coat, sir, lined with fox fur…”
“Well, all right, my friend, all right; I agree, my friend, I’m relying on you, relying on you fully; perhaps the coat as well, my dear…Only quickly, quickly! for God’s sake, quickly! I’ll buy the coat as well, only quickly, please! It will soon be eight o’clock, hurry, for God’s sake, my friend! as fast as you can, my friend!…”
Petrushka abandoned the as yet untied bundle of linen, pillows, blanket, sheets, and various trash he was gathering together and tying up, and rushed headlong from the room. Mr. Goliadkin meanwhile snatched out the letter once again—but was unable to read it. Clutching his victorious head in both hands, he leaned against the wall in amazement. He was unable to think of anything, he was also unable to do anything; he did not know what was happening to him. Finally, seeing that time was passing and no Petrushka or fur coat appeared, Mr. Goliadkin decided to go himself. Opening the door to the front hall, he heard noise, talk, argument, and discussion downstairs…Several neighbor women were babbling, shouting, argling and bargling about something—and Mr. Goliadkin knew precisely what about. Petrushka’s voice was heard, then someone’s footsteps. “My God! They’ll invite the whole world here!” moaned Mr. Goliadkin, wringing his hands in despair and rushing back to his room. Running into his room, he fell almost oblivious onto the sofa, his face buried in a cushion. After lying like that for a moment, he jumped up and, not waiting for Petrushka, put on his galoshes, his hat, his overcoat, seized his wallet, and ran headlong down the stairs. “Nothing’s needed, nothing, my dear! I’ll do it myself, all myself. There’s no need for you right now, and meanwhile maybe the affair will get settled for the best,” Mr. Goliadkin murmured to Petrushka, meeting him on the stairs; then he ran out to the yard and away from the house; his heart was sinking; he was still undecided…What should he do, how should he behave, how should he act in this present and critical case…
“This is it! How to act, oh, Lord God? And all this just had to happen!” he finally cried in despair, hobbling down the street wherever his legs carried him, “it all just had to happen! If it weren’t for this, precisely for this, everything would have been settled; all at once, at one stroke, one deft, energetic, firm stroke, it would have been settled. I’d let them cut my finger off that it would have been settled. And I even know in precisely what way it would have been settled. Here’s how it would be: I’d say such and such—thus and so, but for me, my good sir, with your permission, it’s neither here nor there; say, things aren’t done this way; say, my good sir, my very dear sir, things aren’t done this way, and imposture doesn’t get anywhere with us; an impostor, my good sir, is a man who
