The Walrus and the Warwolf

At this, there was tittering in the Court. But Drake kept a straight face.

'There seems to be confusion of identity,' said Drake. 'You have told us you are the Flame. Now you tell us the Flame lives in the furnace, and speaks to you. Which is which?'

'This takes us into the realms of higher theology,' said Muck. 'You would not understand.'

'I am but an ignorant runaway apprentice,' said Drake. 'A poor fool, who knows not the letter Ac0wae from any other. But the evidence is for the Court, not me. Do you say the Court would not understand?'T say nothing of the kind,' said Muck.

And Drake drew him into a long discourse on theology, which the Court indulged because it was tolerably amusing, and because the law of Selzirk placed few limits on the range of a cross-examination.

'So you know of religion through revelation,' said Drake. 'Now we have heard a document of sorts, a document called, if I remember right, The Book of Witness. Is this a record you have somehow conjured up out of the air, by means of revelation?'

'No,' said Muck, swiftly, thinking he saw what Drake was attempting to do. 'This is a true, correct and complete account of your doings in Runcorn.''Who says it?''The man I bought it off.''When and where?'

'In Runcorn itself, the morning of that riot which I have already spoken of.'

'You bought this, then, in the heat of a riot? Snatched it from his hand and tossed him a few coppers?'

'Not at all! We met at dawn, and talked until the sun was well up in the sky. His name was Aard Lox. He was a scribe who had, for reasons unknown to me, much faith in you. He offered this copy of his work for sale, meaning to enlighten me. He talked at length, with great sincerity, convincing me that everything he'd written was true.'

'So the proof of the truth of this record, then,' said Drake, 'rests on the word of this man. You believed him, or so you say. Why?'

'Because he was honest, and I am a judge of honesty – which you are not, having none yourself. And because he was so exact in all the particulars he recounted.'

'Ah,' said Drake, 'but surely the voices of others would help convince the Court. Could we not have this Yot come back from Stokos to evidence to some few claims you've made? Surely he has no pressing duties there? After all, the religion of Stokos is the worship of the demon Hagon. So how can the high priest of the Flame have matters of importance there?'

'Because Hagon has been overthrown, as you know very well,' said Drake.

T am but an ignorant apprentice,' said Drake. 'I know nothing. Tell the Court how Hagon came to be overthrown.'

And Muck told.

Willingly.

'Now,' said Drake, 'some words I heard in The Book of Witness which I'm not sure I heard aright. Would you read them out, please, you having scholarship which I lack. Read them, and tell the Court if it's all to rights with the document. It's Vision the fifth, verses twelve through fourteen.'

Muck read the verses, and testified that they were part of the true and correct record given to him by Aard Lox. 'Thank you,' said Drake. 'You may sit.'

53

Whereupon there was uproar of surpassing greatness.But the Record showed the answer of Lachish as 'No.'Then did Arabin call attention to the answer shown in the Record, and say unto Lachish: 'If thou hast not tasted these pleasures, wherefore dost thou speak of the goodness or the badness thereof?'

Verses 12-14, Vision the Fifth, The Book of Witness

As Gouda Muck resumed his seat, Drake saw Zanya enter the courthouse, and guessed that she was next witness for the prosecution. Their eyes met, briefly, giving him no hint of what she felt or thought. This was fearful dangerous! Who could tell what the woman would say?

'Man,' said Drake. 'I mean, my lord judge. We've heard Gouda Muck speak plain. He's a nutter. Right? A lunatic! A madman, no less. So I reckon it's time to throw out these charges Muck's brought, before we go any further.'

Judge Syrphus stirred himself on his chair of bones, adjusted his feathered head-dress, scratched at his goatskins then spoke:

'The mad have as many rights under Selzirk law as do the sane. Indeed, it has been argued in quarters that only a madman would go to law to start with – therefore to abolish the rights of the mad to law would be to abolish the rights of all.'

'But,' protested Drake, 'the man's got a head full of nonsense!'

'We have other witnesses yet to speak,' said the judge. 'They themselves may well prove rational enough. With luck, we'll have evidence enough to condemn you.''You want to condemn me?' said Drake.

'Nothing personal,' said the judge. 'But I do have a quota to make.'

Drake started sweating. This was proving harder than he had thought. He felt as if he had been at sword nonstop for a moon and a day.Well.He would do his best.

'Aagh,' he said, clearing his throat. He was about to spit when he remembered himself. Proceeding in his best lawyerly manner (which he had learnt by watching Garimanthea in Runcorn), he said: 'We have heard evidence from Gouda Muck. The prosecutor spoke once he'd finished with the man, so I suppose I may do the same.'

'You are right.' said the Clerk of the Court. 'You are at liberty to make an address to the Court after finishing with each witness.'

'Then that I do,' said Drake. 'Although I do it but poorly, for I be a sorry runaway apprentice who knows not the letter Ac0wae from any other.'

He took a deep breath. His future was on the line, if not his very life. This had better be good.

'Gouda Muck, as you have heard, knows me well as Drake Douay, for he had me as apprentice for year on year on Stokos.

'Now I have the greatest respect for Gouda Muck, for it was he who taught me how to shape steel, aye, and the temperature at which tilps jiffle.'

This last claim sounded entirely innocuous to the Court, but in the Ligin of Stokos it was extremely obscene, and brought Gouda Muck to his feet with a roar.

'Sit and be silent!' shouted the judge, before Muck could speak. 'Are you mad, man?'

Guards took up position on either side of Muck, ready to suppress him immediately if he interrupted again.

'Aye,' said Drake. T respected Muck. But there was a strangeness about him at times. Sometimes he'd leap to his feet and roar for no reason, as you've just seen.'

Muck's face started to turn purple with rage. How very interesting! Drake wondered if Muck would have a stroke and die on the spot, like Nabajoth of Runcorn. Wondering (and hoping) he continued:

'Other times,' said Drake, 'this worthy scholar would beat me, aye, with kicks, cudgels, fists and walls, and missiles into the bargain. That you've heard from his own testimony.'But did I ever fight back?

'Nay. I hit not, kicked not, spat not. Gouda Muck has sworn as much, aye, sworn it on his beloved Flame before you all. I was gentle, man, like a dead fish nailed to a slab of wood by fifty nails each longer than a finger. He never got any violence out of me.

'Likewise, by his own testimony, you know I did no damage to him and his, barring the trifling matter of the letter Ac0wae, knocked from a sword by accident. No harm he had of me till the day I was beaten once too often, and ran.

'For I am mild by nature, and not built all that big, so I'd always rather run than fight. As for his mastersword, well, what can I say? Muck was a swordsmith making at least a blade every day, so what would one be more or less?'

At this, Muck made a determined effort to stand and shout. A gag was slapped into his mouth, and he was carried from the courtroom.

'Poor man!' said Drake. T hope he's right by the morrow. As I say, he had his funny moods. But he was good