If You Were Here

to drive by the place, then I’m supersorry, but my guess is, if you bought Jake Ryan’s house, you probably expect a few rubberneckers, yes?

Anyway, a million thanks go out to my readers, who make everything possible! I hope you enjoyed reading my first foray into fiction as much as I did writing it.

To everyone at NAL, I couldn’t be more grateful, particularly to my editor, Danielle Perez, who totally got it when I pitched this idea. . a month before an entirely different book was due. Thank you for trusting my instincts. Much gratitude also goes to Kara Welsh, Claire Zion, Craig Burke, Melissa Broder, sales and marketing, and especially the art department for creating my favorite cover ever. And, of course, thanks to Kate Garrick of DeFiore and Co., who’s been with me from day one. (Seriously, six books? How’d we get here?)

Big love to my own personal Breakfast Club — Stacey Ballis, Gina Barge, and Tracey Stone — and my Algonquin Round Table — Caprice Crane, Karyn Bosnak, Sarah Grace McCandless, Jolene Siana, and Amy Lamare — who inspired the teenage-Amishzombies-in-love bit. And to my Indian Wells Six-Feet-I’m-Pacing-It-Off Beach Buddies — Angie, Poppy, Blackbird, and Wendy — same time next year?

Of course, nothing’s possible without Fletch. I’m sorry for all the times I confused you with Mac and got mad when you’d attempt a home repair. (But seriously, never buy one of those stupid lightbulbs again.) For the record, Fletch is actually quite handy, and yes, I’m willing to put that in print.

The best part of writing this book was studying up on John Hughes and revisiting all his work. In particular, I found books by Susannah Gora, Jaime Clark and Ally Sheedy, and Thomas A. Christie to be not only full of insight but also fascinating. Also of note is the film Don’t You Forget About Me. These writers and filmmakers confirmed what I already suspected — that Hughes was truly a genius and his work will continue to influence generations to come. Thank you for not forgetting about him.

Notes

1

Ne John Brian MacNamara.

2

He’s never anything but sweet to me, and I do my best to return the favor. He and I are like the Soviet Union and the United States during the Cold War: Whoever pushes the button pretty much sets our mutually assured destruction into motion. And like that nice pre—Ferris Bueller Matthew Broderick taught us in the movie War Games, the only way to win is not to play.

3

Much like Jay and Silent Bob in Dogma, I didn’t learn that Shermer was a fictional place until years after I first saw the movies. However, it’s based on a real town, so I wasn’t too devastated.

4

Ten points if you caught the Jeffersons reference.

5

A Great North American Barkhound.

6

Seriously, no, thanks.

7

I don’t actually know if this is a real expression, but it sounds vaguely Canadian, much like Holmes is vaguely Canadian.

8

And believe me, I’ve tried.

9

Technically, we’re Libertarians, but when’s the last time they won an election?

10

Mac’s expert marksman advice — turning the gun sideways to shoot works only in the movies. In real life it’s an absolute guarantee you’re going to a) miss and b) sprain your wrist.

11

Try the feta cheese plate. You’ll thank me.

12

I bet there are no drive-by shootings at all in Stephenie Meyer’s ’hood.

13

The way I see it, I can have a Barbie collection or magnifying readers; I can’t have both. I choose Barbie.

14

This isn’t gossip so much as it is fine, fine reporting from the folks at Us magazine.

15

As per the March 26, 2009, issue of Star.

16

My sorority crafted a lot of signs of the WE’RE PI-FIRED UP variety.

17

And when did it stop being Kinko’s?

18

Even though Mac would.

19

Does this work as an expression? I had Ishmael say it to Mose in Amish Is as Good as a Mile. Later it occurred to me that pacifists might not study a lot of Vietnam War history, or engage in any sort of combat, even like punching a gangbanger in his smug face, for that matter. But come on, it’s no less plausible than vampires who won’t drink human blood.

20

Damn you, Botox, for making my forehead so smooth and expressionless but mostly smooth.

21

What, you thought I got all that crap done for vanity’s sake? Come on!

22

Why, yes, Mac does make me watch a lot of Military Channel programming with him. How’d you know?

23

Also known as the AC.

24

I pity the fool. . who disrespects dendrophiliacs.

25

Fine, the Cambs isn’t technically located above the arctic circle, but it sure feels that way today.

26

I have a PhD in HGTV.

27

Wait, this is a really sad fantasy, isn’t it?

28

And this is where the author breaks the fourth wall, noting that every book she writes has a nod to Mean Girls in it. What can Jen say? It was a really good movie.

29

This was back when her shows were still trashy.

30

Also hails from the Cambs.

31