argue with. But you never answer my question,” said Tony.
«I think he answered it,” said Rebecca. «He made it clear that he does not
want any emotional involvement, that he wants to stay free and clearheaded. I
think Julius has made the same point—that`s why there`s a taboo against romantic
involvement in the group.»
«What taboo?» Tony addressed Julius. «I never heard that rule said out
loud.»
«I`ve never put it just like that. The only ground rule you heard from me
about relationships outside of the meetings is that there be no secrets and that if
there are any encounters whatsoever outside the group sessions, the members
involved must bring it up in the group. If not, if you keep secrets, it almost always
gums up the work of the group and sabotages your own therapy. That`s my only
rule about outside encounters. But, Rebecca, let`s not lose the thread of what`s
going on between you and Bonnie. Check into your feelings about her.»
«She`s raised some heavy stuff. Is it true I don`t relate to women? I want to
say no. There`s my sister—I`m close to her, sort of—and a couple of other
women attorneys in my office, but, Bonnie, you`re probably putting your finger
on something—there`s definitely more charge, more excitement for me in relating
to men.»
«I`m flashing on college,” said Bonnie, «and how I didn`t have many dates
and how dismissed I felt when some girlfriend thought nothing of canceling out
on me, at the last minute, if she got an invitation from a guy.»
«Yeah, I probably would have done that,” said Rebecca. «You`re right—
men and dating, that was what it was all about. It made some sense then; now it
doesn`t.»
Tony had been continuing to study Philip and approached him again.
«Philip, you know, you`re like Rebecca in some ways. You preen, too, but you do
it with snappy, deep–sounding slogans.»
«I believe your point, «said Philip with eyes closed in deep concentration,
«is that my motivation in voicing observations is not what it seems to be: that it is
instead self–serving, a form of preening in which, if I understand you, I attempt to
evoke Rebecca`s and others` interest and admiration. Is that correct?»
Julius felt on edge. No matter what he did, the focus kept going back to
Philip. At least three conflicting desires fought for his attention: first, to protect
Philip against too much confrontation, second, to prevent Philip`s impersonality
from derailing the intimate discourse, and, third, to cheer Tony on in his efforts to
knock Philip on his ass. But, all in all, he decided to stay on the sidelines for the
time being because the group was handling the situation. In fact, something
important had just happened: for the first time Philip was responding directly,
even personally, to someone.
Tony nodded. «That`s about what I meant, except that it may be more than
just interest or admiration. Try seduction.»
«Yes, that`s a good correction. It`s implied in your wordpreening and thus
you suggest that my motivation parallels Rebecca`s, that is, I wish to seduce her.
Well, that`s a substantial and reasonable hypothesis. Let`s see how to test it.»
Silence. No one responded, but Philip did not appear to be waiting for a
response. After a moment of reflection with his eyes closed he pronounced,
«Perhaps it is best to follow Dr. Hertzfeld`s procedure...”
«Call me Julius.»
«Ah, yes. So, to follow Julius`s procedure, I must first check whether
Tony`s hypothesis is consonant with my inner experience.» Philip paused, shook
his head. «I find no evidence for this. Many years ago I tore myself free from
attachment to public opinion. I firmly believe that the happiest of men are those
who seek for nothing so much as solitude. I speak of the divine Schopenhauer, of
Nietzsche and Kant. Their point, and my point, is that the man of inner wealth
wants nothing from the outside except the negative gift of undisturbed leisure
which permits him to enjoy his wealth—that is, his intellectual faculties.
«In short, then, I conclude that my contributions do not stem from an
attempt to seduce anyone or elevate myself in your eyes. Perhaps there are tatters
of this desire left; I can only say I do not consciously experience it. I do recognize
regret that I myself have only mastered the great thoughts, not contributed to
them.»
In his decades of leading therapy groups Julius had experienced many
silences, but the silence that followed Philip`s response was unlike any other. It
was not the silence accompanying great emotion nor the silence signifying
dependency, embarrassment, or bafflement. No, this silence was different, as
though the group had stumbled upon a new species, a new life–form, perhaps a
six–eyed salamander with feathered wings, and, with utmost caution and
deliberateness, slowly circled it.
Rebecca was the first to respond, «To be so content, to need so little from
others, never to crave the company of others—sounds pretty lonely, Philip.»
«On the contrary,” said Philip, «in the past, when I craved the company of
others, asked for something which they would not, indeed could not, give—
thatwas when I knew loneliness. I knew it very well. To need no person is never
to be lonely. Blessed isolation is what I seek.»
«Yet you`re here,” said Stuart, «and take it from me—this group is the
archenemy of isolation. Why expose yourself to this?»
«Every thinker must support his habit. Either they were fortunate enough to
have had a university stipend like Kant or Hegel or independent means like
Schopenhauer or a day job like Spinoza, who ground lenses for spectacles to
support himself. I have chosen philosophical counseling as my day job, and this
group experience is part of my certification experience.»
«That means, then,” said Stuart, «that you are engaging with us in this
group, but your ultimate goal is to help others never to need such engagement.»
Philip paused and then nodded.
«Let me be sure I got you right,” said Tony. «If Rebecca digs you, comes
on to you, turns on her charm, gives you her amazing killer smile, you`re saying it
has no effect on you? Zero?»
«No, I didn`t say вЂ?no effect.` I agree with Schopenhauer when he wrote that
beauty is an open letter of recommendation predisposing the heart to favor the
person who presents it. I find that an individual of great beauty is wondrous to
behold. But I`m also saying that someone else`s opinion of me does not, must not,
alter my opinion of myself.»
«Sounds mechanical. Not quite human,” replied Tony.
«What truly felt inhuman was the time when I allowed my estimation of my
value to bob up and down like a cork according to the regard flowing from
inconsequential others.»
Julius stared at Philip`s lips. What a marvel they were. How exactly they
mirrored Philip`s calm composure, how steadfast, how unquavering, as they
