“Will you tell me where we’re going, first?”
“Some place we can talk. Just…trust me,” I said, aware that I seemed completely insane.
“Nina, I trust you. I just think you’re not yourself these days.”
“If you trusted me, you would be in the car by now.” I slid into the driver’s seat and waited. After a few moments, Ryan opened the door and sat beside me. I smiled at him and touched his hand. “Thank you.”
Ryan offered a half smile and squeezed my hand, holding it tightly the entire trip to my parents’ home. When we pulled into the drive, he let go.
“Whoa,” he said under his breath.
I turned off the ignition and searched each window for any sign of Cynthia, but the house was dark. Ryan followed me up the stairs to my father’s office, and I closed the door behind him. He looked around, clearly nervous.
“Can we talk, now?” he asked. When I nodded, he let out a loud, frustrated sigh. “What the hell’s going on with you, Nina? I’m serious…you’re starting to worry me. I wish you would let me help you.”
I closed my eyes in relief and whispered as quietly as I could. “There is something you can do.”
Ryan leaned in, keeping his voice low like mine, “Just name it.”
I kept my eyes closed, cringing at my coming request. “It’s really…really selfish. It’s horrible. It’s the worst thing I could ask of you, but I think it’s the only thing that will work. It’s the only way he’ll move on.” I peeked up at him, already fearful of his response.
“This is about Jared?” he said.
I nodded.
“Okay, let’s hear it.”
“I….” Ryan’s hopeful expression made me hesitate. I wasn’t sure I could go through with it, even if he agreed.
“Nigh, don’t be a pain in the ass. Just say it,” he said, staring me down.
“I need you to date me,” I breathed, barely above a whisper.
Ryan’s face instantly compressed. “What? Why are you whispering?”
I ignored his last question. “I need you to date me. You know, take me on dates, to the movies, eat lunch with me, walk me to class…and hang out with me in the evenings.” I forced a contrived smile. “I’ll pay.”
“You need me to date you,” he repeated in monotone.
“Jared has it in his head that you and I belong together,” I said. Ryan’s face morphed into suspicion. “Just… trust me. That’s what he thinks, and the only way he would ever accept that I was moving on is with you. He said once that he would step aside if I chose you. It’s just for a few months — just until he gives up — and then you don’t have to do it anymore,” I begged.
Ryan chuckled, taking in my ludicrous idea. “I won’t have to do it anymore? You know this is better than anything I could have ever hoped for, right?”
“Ryan….” Afraid he would be offended and decide not to help me, I hesitated, “I have to be honest with you…we will always be friends. I care about you, but I can’t let you go into this thinking it’s going to end up being something more. We’ll just be pretending. I can’t… I don’t see myself being with anyone else. Ever,” I exhaled, glad that part of the conversation was over.
Ryan rolled his eyes. “Why go through the charade? Why not just get a protective order?”
I looked down to my hands. “He’s just following me around because he knows I still love him.”
Ryan didn’t expect my answer, and his nose wrinkled in response. “If you still love him, then why aren’t you with him?”
I crossed my arms. “Are you going to help me or not?”
“Josh is going to think I’m crazy.”
I shook my head. “You can’t tell anyone. Not Kim, not Tucker or Josh, not your mom. If you tell anyone, even just one person, he’ll find out.”
“Is he FBI or something?” Ryan said, looking a bit creeped out. “What did you get yourself mixed up in, Nigh?
“Will you do it for me? I know it sounds crazy, and I know it’s a lot to ask, but you’re the only one that can help me,” I said, tugging desperately at his shirt.
“Pretend to be your boyfriend? Lie to all my friends? Let you break my heart when it’s all said and done?”
I nodded sheepishly.
“Sure,” he said, smiling.
I wasn’t sure if the tears came from the fact that Ryan had agreed to help me, or that my plan would work, but I grabbed him and hugged him to me as if I needed him to breathe. He hugged me back, and then pulled away, looking into my eyes.
“I’m going to regret this. I can already tell,” he said, smiling softly.
We drove back to Brown, and as we walked from the parking lot, Ryan took my hand. “If we’re going to do this, we should do it right, right? No one is going to believe us if we never touch.”
“Right.”
I struggled to keep my emotions in check as we walked down the halls of my dorm. Jared could see us and I fought against the guilt I felt for hurting him. If I was going to fool him at all, I would have to concentrate on feeling comfortable and happy with Ryan.
We stopped at my door and Ryan let go of my hand. “Are you sure you don’t want to come with us tonight?”
After I nodded, Ryan leaned in and kissed the corner of my mouth. I let my feelings for him as a friend bleed through the awkwardness so Jared wouldn’t be tipped off. I smiled at him as he turned to walk down the hall.
Over the next weeks, Ryan kept me busy going to the movies, meeting for lunch, and accompanying me to dinner. We spent time together every night, and shared a table at breakfast every morning. He even began to forgo plans with his friends. Soon, everyone was convinced that we were having a not-so-secret relationship.
It was uncomfortable for both of us at first, but after the first week we settled into our new roles. Ryan made a game of it, as he did everything else. We bet on how soon someone would ask us to announce our relationship, and who it would be.
Our friendship grew stronger as the days past, and I began depending on him for more than fooling Jared. Ryan anesthetized the pain, and it wasn’t long before I found myself making excuses to be around him.
The day finally came that I had bet that Kim would ask what our status was. I made a show of stretching my legs across Ryan’s lap.
“Cheater,” Ryan whispered, too low for anyone else to hear.
“Okay. Are you guys together or not?” Kim asked.
Ryan grinned at me and I lifted all five of my fingers, reminding him that he owed me fifty bucks. Ryan shook his head at my gloating and then scanned the table. Everyone waited eagerly for the answer.
“Obviously,” he said as he rubbed my leg.
A broad smile spread across Kim’s face. “I knew it.”
Beth and Chad exchanged glances. I didn’t have to ask what was wrong because I already knew; she thought I was making a huge mistake.
“Well, that explains why you’ve been bailing on us every weekend,” Josh said.
“Why don’t we all go out Friday?” Ryan shrugged.
I shot a surprised look at him and he smiled. Jared’s birthday was Sunday and the only present I could give him was to spend the weekend alone.
“I have plans with my mom this weekend,” I explained.
Ryan reached out to rub my shoulder. “But not until Saturday, right, Babe? We can go to the pub Friday.”
I held my breath to keep from lashing out at him. I couldn’t blow our cover by refusing to go to the pub or it would look suspicious. Even worse, I couldn’t tear into him later because Jared would hear.
“So are you going?” Beth asked.
“It looks that way,” I said, trying not to glare at Ryan.
