object that engrossed her thoughts she had evidently overlooked) I instantly consented, and the next evening took possession of my new dormitory.
It will be here necessary, in order that the following incidents may be clearly understood, to describe more particularly the situation of my present sleeping room,
The house consisted of six rooms-not one behind the other, as in most modern buildings, but each apartment overlooked the street. I have before mentioned, in describing my former chamber, that a small landing-place divided it from Emma's and that our doors faced each other; in like manner was my new abode divided from that of Mr. and Mrs. E. merely by the width of the passage; at the extreme end of which the stairs leading to the upper rooms were situated.
From the exterior, the two parlours were divided by the street door, which when closed, and the parlour doors thrown open, three paces would convey me from one room to the other, my shoulder nearly brushing the street door in passing; in each apartment was a kind of closet, large enough to contain a bedstead if required; but as I was never partial to a confined atmosphere, particularly while sleeping, I made my recess answer the purpose of a wardrobe, and consequently my bed occupied the centre of the room.
The reader will perceive the necessity of my being thus particular as to the situation of the rooms in the course of these memoirs; in fact they would find it exceedingly difficult to form an idea of many circumstances hereafter to be related had I been less explicit.
All diffidence was now banished between myself and Bessy, and perfect confidence restored, the past seemed buried in oblivion, and our days passed in the same sportive manner as before. To be sure, when romping with Emma, the eyes of Bessy never failed to put me on my guard, and my eyes no longer enjoyed the freedoms they formerly indulged in.
I must, however, acknowledge that an accidental meeting would occasionally occur, away from home; I would then exert my best endeavours to make her ample amends for every seeming slight; and as she really possessed a tolerable share of common sense, we always parted perfectly satisfied with each other. True it is, that I would much rather have discontinued this connexion, but I could not prevail on myself, by coldness or neglect, to hurt the feelings of any woman who had sacrificed her all for my gratification.
To proceed to my narrative, I soon became perfectly inured to my change of quarters; and what added greatly to my satisfaction was that I could overhear mostly every word that passed between Mr. E. and his wife, and the tone of disgust with which she sometimes answered his pettishness afforded me real pleasure, as I felt convinced that it was her increasing affection for myself that made him appear each day more odious to her sight.
One night in particular, something having occurred abroad to sour his naturally morose temper, he as usual was venting his spleen upon his unoffending wife, which she resented in becoming language; how did my blood boil with indignation as I plainly heard the cowardly ruffian degrade her with a blow! Gladly would I have flown to her rescue, but I well knew that any interference on my part would have acted as a signal for new outrages on her. Shortly after I hear the brute prepare for bed and call on her to follow when nothing could exceed the satisfaction with which I listened to her rather loudly expressed and firm determination that from that time forth she would avoid his loathed embraces; vainly doth he growlingly remonstrate, in the most absolute terms; she declared her intention of sitting up till morning; and I afterwards discovered that she reclined her head upon the table while the unworthy wretch, having vented his passion to the very dregs, fell asleep and snored until the alarm roused him to his daily labour.
I lay till the usual hour of breakfast had long passed without the customary summons; when, fearing that my loved one was unwell and suffering for the treatment she had so recently experienced, I arose, dressed myself, and knocked softly at the door; on receiving no answer I ventured to try the lock-the door opened-and with cautious steps I entered the apartment. As I suspected, exhausted and faint from the fatigue of the preceding night she had, upon her husband's departure, thrown herself upon the bed and fallen into a profound slumber. How did I despise the mean-spirited villain and author of her woes; she evidently had been weeping during the night, her face seemed absolutely swollen with anguish. As I imprinted a glowing kiss upon her lips she awoke.
At first she appeared alarmed at seeing me so near her, but on beholding the expression of pity with which I regarded her, her fears were instantly dispelled.
I assisted her to rise; and having informed her of what I had heard the previous night, I entreated her to withdraw herself at once from her tormentor and no longer submit to such harsh usage; but notwithstanding her husband's injurious treatment she still endeavoured to find excuses in extenuation of his conduct; for though the affection she at one time felt for him was greatly diminished, she yet disdained the thought of retaliating at the expense of her honour…
I assisted her in preparing the breakfast; and as she remarked my assiduities, she exclaimed with a sigh, 'Oh, had E- possessed but half your tenderness, how happily we might have lived. Heaven grant that I may some day be at liberty to requite your generous affection.'
As I gazed upon her haggard features, and saw fatigue hang heavy on her eyelids, I, with some difficulty, prevailed on her to take a little brandy in her coffee, describing to her its invigorating qualities when taken as a medicine, and, breakfast being over, left her with a recommendation to seek the soothing influence of balmy sleep.
Such was the agitation of my mind as I pondered on my charmer's injuries that I found it quite impossible to pursue my morning studies, and throwing myself upon the sofa soon sunk into a slumber from which I awoke as the clock was striking twelve. Anxious to know how my dear Bessy found herself, I once more entered her apartment.
I found her reclining on her bed, her senses fast locked up in sweet forgiveness, but evidently much refreshed; her features had assumed their usual tranquil tone, and as if under the influence of some pleasing dream a sweet smile illumined her interesting face.
As I gazed upon the sleeping beauty all virtuous resolutions vanished, and in their place my former wild desires returned with redoubled violence.
'What!' I mentally exclaimed, 'shall an ungrateful brute remain in the undivided possession of this world of charms? Charms which his groveling soul knows not the way to estimate or value-what even now prevents me, sleeping as she is, from seizing at once the blessing, of making her happy in her own despite-her heart is mine alreadyand once the transport over, never to be recalled, will she not bless the happy moment when by love inspired, I stole the intoxicating rapture and, with my own, secured her everlasting happiness.'
Unable to control my highly excited feelings I throw myself beside her and gently pass one arm beneath her head; it clasps her neck; I with my hand now venture lightly to press the heaving breasts on which I feast my ravished sight; she moves! — Gods, let her not awake! — No! she turns half round-her lips now face mine-I cautiously approach still nearer, they meet! the soft concussion throws me off my guard, and as I pressed her to my bosom she awoke. She struggles to extricate herself from my dangerous embrace as I remonstrate, 'Nay, fear me not, my love, I have long sought this glorious opportunity to prove to you how pure, how fervent is my brotherly affection. Oh strive not thus to leave me, my wife; you are so-nay, have you not oftentimes declared that you would glory in that title had fortune given you a right to it; let us indulge the sweet anticipation-I henceforth am your husbandfrom this moment, without one criminal design, I'll call you my dear wife! Seek not to escape me; do not deprive me of this trifling libertytrifling to you, to me invaluable-thus — thus to hold you in my arms, to press your lips to mine- I ask no more! Have I not given you proofs of this during the two heavenly hours I've held you in my arms? You look surprised, but it is even so; no sooner had you sank to sleep than gently entering I locked you in my fond embrace and pillowed your loved head upon my faithful bosom; what but my profound respect could have prevented me from snatching greater joys during your trancelike slumbers? Surely, my love, my long forbearance merits some reward? — and having for two hours unknowingly endured the imaginary danger, can you not confront it for a short time longer?'
During the time I was thus entreating her, spite of her struggles to escape, I held her fast-nay at every useless effort pressed her still closer to my throbbing heart; but when she heard me vow that I had been so long reclining by her side-an assertion which I well knew she could not contradict-when she perceived the struggles I endured and saw the flames of love now gleaming in my eyes, she whispered as she gently pressed my hand, 'Heaven forgive me should I be doing wrong! I feel I cannot bid you leave me with a conviction that I am cruel or unjust; yet if, knowing my own weakness, I venture to trust myself within your arms, oh, do not, pray, abuse my confidence!'
