'What are you doing?' she asked, still not really disturbed.
'Making sure you're all right. I don't like what I had to do to you.'
'What did you do? I don't feel any different-except a little high.'
'You understand me.'
It dawned on her slowly that Nikanj had come to her speaking Oankali and she had responded in kind-had responded without really thinking. The language seemed natural to her, as easy to understand as English. She remembered all that she had been taught, all that she had picked up on her own. It was even easy for her to spot the gaps in her knowledge-words and expressions she knew in English, but could not translate into Oankali; bits of Oankali grammar that she had not really understood; certain Oankali words that had no English translation, but whose meaning she had grasped.
Now she was alarmed, pleased, and frightened. . . . She stood slowly, testing her legs, finding them unsteady, but functional. She tried to clear the fog from her mind so that she could examine herself and trust her findings.
'I'm glad the family decided to put the two of us together,' Nikanj was saying. 'I didn't want to work with you. I tried to get out of it. I was afraid. All I could think of was how easy it would be for me to fail and perhaps damage you.'
'You mean . . . you mean you weren't sure of what you were doing just now?'
'That? Of course I was sure. And your 'just now' took a long time. Much longer than you usually sleep.'
'But what did you mean about failing-'
'I was afraid I could never convince you to trust me enough to let me show you what I could do-show you that I wouldn't hurt you. I was afraid I would make you hate me. For an ooloi to do that . . . it would be very bad. Worse than I can tell you.'
'But Kahguyaht doesn't think so.'
'Ooan says humans-any new trade partner species- can't be treated the way we must treat each other. It's right up to a point. I just think it goes too far. We were bred to work with you. We're Dinso. We should be able to find ways through most of our differences.'
'Coercion,' she said bitterly. 'That's the way you've found.'
'No. Ooan would have done that. I couldn't have. I would have gone to Ahajas and Dichaan and refused to mate with them. I would have looked for mates among the Akjai since they'll have no direct contact with humans.'
It smoothed its tentacles again. 'But now when I go to Ahajas and Dichaan, it will be to mate-and you'll go with me. We'll send you to your work when you're ready. And you'll be able to help me through my final metamorphosis.' It rubbed its armpit. 'Will you help?'
She looked away from it. 'What do you want me to do?'
'Just stay with me. There will be times when having Ahajas and Dichaan near me would be tormenting. I would be . . . sexually stimulated, and unable to do anything about it. Very stimulated. You can't do that to me. Your scent, your touch is different, neutral.'
Thank god, she thought.
'It would be bad for me to be alone while I change. We need others close to us, more at that time than at any other.'
She wondered what it would look like with its second pair of arms, what it would be like as a mature being. More like Kahguyaht? Or maybe more like Jdahya and Tediin. How much did sex determine personality among the Oankali? She shook her head. Stupid question. She did not know how much sex determined personality even among human beings.
'The arms,' she said, 'they're sexual organs, aren't they?'
'No,' Nikanj told her. 'They protect sexual organs: the sensory hands.'
'But. . .' She frowned. 'Kahguyaht doesn't have anything like a hand at the end of its sensory arms.' In fact, it had nothing at all at the end of its sensory arms. There was only a blunt cap of hard, cool skin-like a large callus.
'The hand is inside. Ooan will show you if you ask.'
'Never mind.'
It smoothed. 'I'll show you myself-when I have something to show. Will you stay with me while they grow?'
Where else was she going? 'Yes. Just make sure I know anything I might need to know about you and them before they start.'
'Yes. I'll sleep most of the time, but still, I'll need someone there. If you're there, I'll know and I'll be all right. You. . . you might have to feed me.'
'That's all right.' There was nothing unusual about the way Oankali ate. Not on the surface, anyway. Several of their front teeth were pointed, but their size was well within the human range. She had, twice, on her walks, seen Oankali females extend their tongues all the way down to their throat orifices, but normally, the long gray tongues were kept inside the mouths and used as humans used tongues.
Nikanj made a sound of relief-a rubbing together of body tentacles in a way that sounded like stiff paper being crumpled. 'Good,' it said. 'Mates know what we feel when they stay near us, they know the frustration. Sometimes they think it's funny.'
Lilith was surprised to find herself smiling. 'It is, sort of.'
'Only for the tormentors. With you there, they'll torment me less. But before all that. . .' It stopped, aimed a loose point at her. 'Before that, I'll try to find an English speaking human for you. One as much like you as possible.
