'Yes. But we won't.'
He did not argue. She resented his silence, but accepted it. He wanted to go that badly. His feeling that he was on Earth was that strong.
Sometime later, Gabriel led Tate, Leah, Wray, and Allison to the breadnut tree. He stopped, stared at Lilith for a moment. She was certain he had heard all she had said.
'Let's go,' she said.
They headed upriver by mutual consent since no one really wanted to head back toward camp. They stayed near the river to avoid getting lost. This meant occasionally hacking their way through undergrowth and aerial roots, but no one seemed to mind.
In the humidity, everyone perspired freely. Then it began to rain. Beyond walking more carefully in the mud, no one paid any attention. The mosquitoes bothered them less. Lilith slapped at a persistent one. There would be no Nikanj tonight to heal her insect bites, no gentle, multiple touches of sensory tentacles and sensory hands. Was she the only one who would miss them?
The rain ceased eventually. The group walked on until the sun was directly overhead. Then they sat on the wet trunk of a fallen tree, ignoring fungi and brushing away insects.
They ate breadnuts and the ripest of the bananas Tate had brought. They drank from the river, having long ago learned to ignore the sediment. It couldn't be seen in the handfuls of water that they drank, and it was harmless.
There was strangely little conversation. Lilith went aside to relieve herself and when she stepped clear of the tree that had concealed her, every eye was on her. Then abruptly everyone found something else to notice-one another, a tree, a piece of food, their fingernails.
'Oh god, ' Lilith muttered. And more loudly: 'Let's talk, people.' She stood before the fallen tree that they either sat or leaned on. 'What is it?' she asked. 'Are you waiting for me to desert you and go back to the Oankali? Or maybe you think I have some magic way of signaling them from here? What is it you suspect me of?'
Silence.
'What is it, Gabe?'
He met her gaze levelly. 'Nothing.' He spread his hands. 'We're nervous. We don't know what's going to happen. We're scared. You shouldn't have to take the brunt of our feelings, but. . . but you're the different one. Nobody knows how different.'
'She's here!' Joseph said, moving to stand beside her. 'That should tell you how much like us she is. Whatever we risk, she risks it too.'
Allison slid down off the log. 'What is it we risk?' she demanded. She spoke directly to Lilith. 'What will happen to us?'
'I don't know. I've guessed, but my guesses aren't worth much.'
'Tell us!'
Lilith looked at the others, saw them all waiting. 'I think these are our final tests,' she said. 'People leave camp when they feel ready. They live as best they can. If they can sustain themselves here, they can sustain themselves on Earth. That's why people have been allowed to walk away. That's why no one chases them.'
'We don't know that no one chases them,' Gabriel said.
'No one is chasing us.'
'We don't even know that.'
'When will you let yourself know it?'
He said nothing. He stared upriver with an air of impatience.
'Why did you want me on this trip, Gabe? Why did you personally want me here?'
'I didn't. I just-'
'Liar.'
He frowned, glared at her. 'I just thought you deserved a chance to get away from the Oankali-if you wanted it.'
'You thought I might be useful! You thought you'd eat better and be better able to survive out here. You didn't think you were doing me a favor, you thought you were doing yourself one. It could work out that way.' She looked around at the others. 'But it won't. Not if everyone's sitting around waiting for me to play Judas.' She sighed. 'Let's go.'
'Wait,' Allison said as people were getting up. 'You still think we're on a ship, don't you?' she asked Lilith.
Lilith nodded. 'We are on a ship.'
'Does anyone else here think so?' Allison demanded.
Silence.
'I don't know where we are,' Leah said. 'I don't see how all this could be part of a ship, but whatever it is, wherever it is, we're going to explore it and figure it out. We'll know soon.'
'But she already knows,' Allison insisted. 'Lilith knows this is a ship no matter what the truth is. So what's she doing here?'
Lilith opened her mouth to answer but Joseph spoke first. 'She's here because I want her here. I want to explore this place as badly as you all do. And I want her with me.'
