shimmering robe that seemed to change colors as she moved, and a turban that looked very much like the one Count Olaf had worn back at Prufrock Preparatory School. She had dark, piercing eyes, with two dramatic eyebrows hovering suspiciously as she looked them over. Behind her, sitting at a small round table, were Count Olaf, Esmй Squalor, and Olaf's comrades, who were all staring at the youngsters curiously. And as if all those curious eyes weren't enough, there was one more eye gazing at the Baudelaires–a glass eye, attached to a chain around Madame Lulu's neck. The eye matched the one painted on her caravan, and the one tattooed on Count Olaf's ankle. It was an eye that seemed to follow the Baudelaires wherever they went, drawing them deeper and deeper into the troubling mystery of their lives.
'Walk in, please,' Madame Lulu said in her strange accent, and the disguised children obeyed. As freakishly as they could, the Baudelaire orphans walked in, taking a few steps closer to all those staring eyes, and a few steps further from the lives they were leaving behind.
Chapter Three
Besides getting several paper cuts in the same day or receiving the news that someone in your family has betrayed you to your enemies, one of the most unpleasant experiences in life is a job interview. It is very nerve- wracking to explain to someone all the things you can do in the hopes that they will pay you to do them. I once had a very difficult job interview in which I had not only to explain that I could hit an olive with a bow and arrow, memorize up to three pages of poetry, and determine if there was poison mixed into cheese fondue without tasting it, but I had to demonstrate all these things as well. In most cases, the best strategy for a job interview is to be fairly honest, because the worst thing that can happen is that you won't get the job and will spend the rest of your life foraging for food in the wilderness and seeking shelter underneath a tree or the awning of a bowling alley that has gone out of business, but in the case of the Baudelaire orphans' job interview with Madame Lulu, the situation was much more desperate. They could not be honest at all, because they were disguised as entirely different people, and the worst thing that could happen was being discovered by Count Olaf and his troupe and spending the rest of their lives in circumstances so terrible that the children could not bear to think of them.
'Sit down, please, and Lulu will interview you for carnival job,' Madame Lulu said, gesturing to the round table where Olaf and his troupe were sitting. Violet and Klaus sat down on one chair with difficulty, and Sunny crawled onto another while everyone watched them in silence. The troupe had their elbows on the table and were eating the snacks Lulu had provided with their fingers, while Esmй Squalor sipped her buttermilk, and Count Olaf leaned back in his chair and looked at the Baudelaires very, very carefully.
'It seems to me you look very familiar,' he said.
'Perhaps you have seen before the freaks, my Olaf,' Lulu said. 'What are names of the freaks?'
'My name is Beverly,' Violet said, in her low, disguised voice, inventing a name as quickly as she could invent an ironing board. 'And this is my other head, Elliot.'
Olaf reached across the table to shake hands, and Violet and Klaus had to stop for a moment to figure out whose arm was sticking out of the right-hand sleeve. 'It's very nice to meet you both,' he said. 'It must be very difficult, having two heads.'
'Oh, yes,' Klaus said, in as high a voice as he could manage. 'You can't imagine how troublesome it is to find clothing.'
'I was just noticing your shirt,' Esmй said. 'It's very in.'
'Just because we're freaks,' Violet said, 'doesn't mean we don't care about fashion.'
'How about eating?' Count Olaf said, his eyes shining brightly. 'Do you have trouble eating?'
'Well, I–I mean, well, we–' Klaus said, but before he could go on, Olaf grabbed a long ear of corn from a platter on the table and held it toward the two children.
'Let's see how much trouble you have,' he snarled, as his henchmen began to giggle. 'Eat this ear of corn, you two-headed freak.'
'Yes,' Madame Lulu agreed. 'It is best way to see if you can work in carnival. Eat corn! Eat corn!
Violet and Klaus looked at one another, and then reached out one hand each to take the corn from Olaf and hold it awkwardly in front of their mouths. Violet leaned forward to take the first bite, but the motion of the corn made it slip from Klaus's hand and fall back down onto the table, and the room roared with cruel laughter.
'Look at them!' one of the white-faced women laughed. 'They can't even eat an ear of corn! How freakish!'
'Try again,' Olaf said with a nasty smile. 'Pick the corn up from the table, freak.'
The children picked up the corn and held it to their mouths once more. Klaus squinted and tried to take a bite, but when Violet tried to move the corn to help him, it hit him in the face and everyone–except for Sunny, of course– laughed once more.
'You are funny freaks,' Madame Lulu said. She was laughing so hard that she had to wipe her eyes, and when she did, one of her dramatic eyebrows smeared slightly, as if she had a small bruise above one eye. 'Try again, Beverly-and-Elliot freak!'
'This is the funniest thing I've ever seen,' said the hook-handed man. 'I always thought people with birth defects were unfortunate, but now I realize they're hilarious.'
Violet and Klaus wanted to point out that a man with hooks for hands would probably have an equally difficult time eating an ear of corn, but they knew that a job interview is rarely a good time to start arguments, so the siblings swallowed their words and began swallowing corn. After a few bites, the children began to get their bearings, a phrase which here means 'figure out how two people, using only two hands, can eat one ear of corn at the same time,' but it was still quite a difficult task. The ear of corn was greasy with butter that left damp streaks on their mouths or dripped down their chins. Sometimes the ear of corn would be at a perfect angle for one of them to bite, but would be poking the other one in the face. And often the ear of corn would simply slip out of their hands, and everyone would laugh yet again.
'This is more fun than kidnapping!' said the bald associate of Olaf's, who was shaking with laughter. 'Lulu, this freak will have people coming from miles around to watch, and all it will cost you is an ear of corn!'
'Is true, please,' Madame Lulu agreed, and looked down at Violet and Klaus. 'The crowd loves sloppy eating,' she said. 'You are hired for House of Freaks show.'
'How about that other one?' Esmй asked, giggling and wiping buttermilk from her upper lip. 'What is that freak, some sort of living scarf?'
'Chabo!' Sunny said to her siblings. She meant something like, 'I know this is humiliating, but at least our disguises are working!' but Violet was quick to disguise her translation.
'This is Chabo the Wolf Baby,' she said, in her low voice. 'Her mother was a hunter who fell in love with a handsome wolf, and this is their poor child.'
'I didn't even know that was possible,' said the hook-handed man.
'Grr,' Sunny growled.
'It might be funny to watch her eat corn too,' said the bald man, and he grabbed another ear of corn and waved it at the youngest Baudelaire. 'Here Chabo! Have an ear of corn!'
Sunny opened her mouth wide, but when the bald man saw the tips of her teeth poking out through the beard, he yanked his hand back in fear.
'Yikes!' he said. 'That freak is vicious!'
'She's still a bit wild,' Klaus said, still speaking as high as he could. 'In fact, we got all these horrible scars from teasing her.'
'Grr,' Sunny growled again, and bit a piece of silverware to demonstrate how wild she was.
'Chabo will be excellent carnival attraction,' Madame Lulu pronounced. 'People are always liking of violence, please. You are hired, too, Chabo.'
'Just keep her away from me,' Esmй said. 'A wolf baby like that would probably ruin my outfit.'
'Grr!' Sunny growled.
'Come now, freaky people,' Madame Lulu said! 'Madame Lulu will show you the caravan, please, where you will do the sleeping.'
'We'll stay here and have more wine,' Count Olaf said. 'Congratulations on the new freaks, Lulu. I knew
