you'd have good luck with me around.'
'Everyone does,' Esmй said, and kissed Olaf on the cheek. Madame Lulu scowled, and led the children out of her caravan and into the night.
'Follow me, freaks, please,' she said. 'You will be living, please, in freaks' caravan. You will share with other freaks. There is Hugo, Colette, and Kevin, all freaks. Every day will be House of Freaks show. Beverly and Elliot, you will be eating of corn, please. Chabo, you will be attacking of audience, please. Are there any freaky questions?'
'Will we be paid?' Klaus asked. He was thinking that having some money might help the Baudelaires, if they learned the answers to their questions and had an opportunity to get away from the carnival.
'No, no, no,' Madame Lulu said. 'Madame Lulu will be giving no money to the freaks, please. If you are freak, you are lucky that someone will give you work. Look at man with hooks on hands. He is grateful to do the working for Count Olaf, even though Olaf will not be giving him of the Baudelaire fortune.'
'Count Olaf?' Violet asked, pretending that her worst enemy was a complete stranger. 'Is that the gentleman with one eyebrow?'
'That is Olaf,' Lulu said. 'He is brilliant man, but do not be saying the wrong things to him, please. Madame Lulu always says you must always give people what they want, so always tell Olaf he is brilliant man.'
'We'll remember that,' Klaus said.
'Good, please,' Madame Lulu said. 'Now, here is freak caravan. Welcome freaks, to your new home.'
The fortune-teller had stopped at a caravan with the word freaks painted on it in large, sloppy letters. The letters were smeared and dripping in several places, as if the paint was still wet, but the word was so faded that the Baudelaires knew the caravan had been labeled many years ago. Next to the caravan was a shabby tent with several holes in it and a sign reading WELCOME TO THE HOUSE OF FREAKS, with a small drawing of a girl with three eyes. Madame Lulu strode past the sign to knock on the caravan's wooden door.
'Freaks!' Madame Lulu cried. 'Please wake up, please! New freaks are here for you to say hello!'
'Just a minute, Madame Lulu,' called a voice from behind the door.
'No just a minute, please,' Madame Lulu said. 'Now! I am the boss of the carnival!'
The door swung open to reveal a sleepy-looking man with a hunchback, a word which here means 'a back with a hump near the shoulder, giving the person a somewhat irregular appearance.' He was wearing a pair of pajamas that were ripped at the shoulder to make room for his hunchback, and holding a small candle to help him see in the dark. 'I know you are the boss, Madame Lulu,' the man said, 'but it's the middle of the night. Don't you want your freaks to be well-rested?'
'Madame Lulu does not particularly care about sleep of freaks,' Lulu said haughtily. 'Please be telling the new freaks what to do for show tomorrow. The freak with two heads will be eating corn, please, and the little wolf freak will be attacking audience.'
'Violence and sloppy eating,' the man said, and sighed. 'I guess the crowd will like that.'
'Of course crowd will like,' Lulu said, 'and then carnival will get much money.'
'And then maybe you'll pay us?' the man asked.
'Fat chance, please,' Madame Lulu replied. 'Good night, freaks.'
'Good night, Madame Lulu,' replied Violet who would have rather been called a proper name, even if it was one she invented, than simply 'freak,' but the fortune-teller walked away without looking back. The Baudelaires stood in the doorway of the caravan for a moment, watching Lulu disappear into the night, before looking up at the man and introducing themselves a bit more properly.
'My name is Beverly,' Violet said. 'My second head is named Elliot, and this is Chabo the Wolf Baby.'
'Grr!' growled Sunny.
'I'm Hugo,' the man said. 'It'll be nice to have new coworkers. Come on inside the caravan and I'll introduce you to the others.'
Still finding it awkward to walk, Violet and Klaus followed Hugo inside, and Sunny followed her siblings, preferring to crawl rather than walk, because it made her seem more half wolf. The caravan was small, but the children could see by the light of Hugo's candle that it was tidy and clean. There was a small wooden table in the center, with a set of dominoes stacked up in the center and several chairs grouped around. In one corner was a rack with clothing hung on it, including a long row of identical coats, and a large mirror so you could comb your hair and make sure you looked presentable. There was a small stove for cooking meals, with a few pots and pans stacked alongside it, and a few potted plants lined up near the window so they would get enough sunlight. Violet would have liked to add a small workbench she could use while inventing things, Klaus would have been pleased to be squinting at some bookshelves, and Sunny would have preferred to see a stack of raw carrots or other foods that are pleasant to bite, but otherwise the caravan looked like a cozy place to live. The only thing that seemed to be missing was someplace to sleep, but as Hugo walked farther into the room, the children saw that there were three hammocks, which are long, wide pieces of cloth used for beds, hanging from places on the walls. One hammock was empty–the Baudelaires supposed that this was where Hugo slept–but in another they could see a tall skinny woman with curly hair squinting down at them, and in the third was a man with a very wrinkled face who was still asleep.
'Kevin!' Hugo called up to the sleeping man. 'Kevin, get up! We have new coworkers, and I'll need help setting up more hammocks.'
The man frowned and glared down at Hugo. 'I wish you hadn't woken me up,' Kevin said. 'I was having a delightful dream that there was nothing wrong with me at all, instead of being a freak.'
The Baudelaires took a good look at Kevin as he lowered himself to the floor and were unable to see anything the least bit freakish about him, but he stared at the Baudelaires as if he had seen a ghost. 'My word,' he said. 'You two have it as bad as I do.'
'Try to be polite, Kevin,' Hugo said. 'This is Beverly and Elliot, and there on the floor is Chabo the Wolf Baby.'
'Wolf Baby?' Kevin repeated, shaking Violet and Klaus's shared right hand. 'Is she dangerous?'
'She doesn't like to be teased,' Violet said.
'I don't like to be teased either,' Kevin said, and hung his head. 'But wherever I go, I hear people whispering, 'there goes Kevin, the ambidextrous freak.''
'Ambidextrous?' Klaus said. 'Doesn't that mean you are both right-handed and left-handed?'
'So you've heard of me,' Kevin said. 'Is that why you traveled out here to the hinterlands, so you could stare at somebody who can write his name with either his left hand or his right?'
'No,' Klaus said. 'I just know the word 'ambidextrous' from a book I read.'
'I had a feeling you'd be smart,' Hugo said. 'After all, you have twice as many brains as most people.'
'I only have one brain,' Kevin said sadly. 'One brain, two ambidextrous arms, and two ambidextrous legs. What a freak!'
'It's better than being a hunchback,' Hugo said. 'Your hands may be freaky, but you have absolutely normal shoulders.'
'What good are normal shoulders,' Kevin said, 'when they're attached to hands that are equally good at using a knife and fork?'
'Oh, Kevin,' the woman said, and climbed down from her hammock to give him a pat on the head. 'I know it's depressing being so freakish, but try and look on the bright side. At least you're better off than me.' She turned to the children and gave them a shy smile. 'My name is Colette,' she said, 'and if you're going to laugh at me, I'd prefer you do it now and get it over with.'
The Baudelaires looked at Colette and then at one another. 'Renuf!' Sunny said, which meant something like, 'I don't see anything freakish about you either, but even if I did I wouldn't laugh at you because it wouldn't be polite.'
'I bet that's some sort of wolf laugh,' Colette said, 'but I don't blame Chabo for laughing at a contortionist.'
'Contortionist?' Violet asked.
'Yes,' Colette sighed. 'I can bend my body into all sorts of unusual positions. Look.'
The Baudelaires watched as Colette sighed again and launched into a contortionist routine. First she bent down so her head was between her legs, and curled up into a tiny ball on the floor. Then she pushed one hand against the ground and lifted her entire body up on just a few fingers, braiding her legs together into a spiral. Finally
