The Pregnancy Bond

We were having such a great time-just us.

If he’d admitted his illness earlier he’d have spent her Easter vacation in the hospital, and they would have missed the sweet friendship of the last few weeks.

Jake stirred and opened his eyes. ‘Hi,’ he murmured.

‘Are you feeling any better?’ she asked tenderly.

‘A lot. Do you want to go on being mad at me?’

‘No, we’ll take that as read. I’m sorry about this morning-yesterday morning now, I suppose. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. You were rotten to me because you were feeling bad. You should have said something.’

‘Yeah, like burden you on your first day back.’

‘So when were you going to say something?’

‘I thought I’d call the hospital when you’d gone, but I went to sleep. After that I couldn’t find the energy. I put the answer-machine on and went to bed. When I awoke I got your message-’

‘And you were waiting for me all that time? If only I’d known!’

‘I didn’t want you to know. By the way, did I see Carl in the flat, or was I hallucinating?’

‘No, he was there. We went for a pizza and he drove me home.’

‘Good for him. Is he waiting for you?’

‘Yes.’

‘Fine, then he can take you home.’

‘All right.’ She rose, meaning to lean over and kiss his forehead, but he’d already closed his eyes and turned away.

Carl was waiting. On the way home she explained everything.

‘He’s been sick for weeks and kept it quiet?’ he exclaimed. ‘Why would he be so dumb?’

‘He’s not dumb,’ she said fiercely. ‘He just wanted to be with me during the vacation. I think that’s great of him.’

‘So do I, dumb but great.’

After that he wisely fell silent.

She didn’t sleep that night. She was tortured by the memory of Jake’s face as he saw her off, saying, ‘Don’t be late home.’ It had been a plea. Why hadn’t she understood that? Instead she’d flown at him, and he’d thrown up his hands in a kind of self-defence, too ill to fight her further.

I was supposed to be taking care of him, she thought wretchedly. A fine nurse I make!

She barely concentrated at college next day, and left at the first moment, clutching books and heading for the hospital. Her head was full of things she needed to say to Jake.

He was a good colour, and she could see the antibiotics were taking effect.

‘Sure I’m better,’ he said in answer to her question. ‘You know me-bounce back from anything.’

‘You might not have bounced back from this. Dr Ainsley said things were getting serious.’

‘OK, OK, I got macho, wouldn’t admit I was sick, and now I’m paying the price. I’m sorry if I was a nuisance.’

‘You weren’t a nuisance. I really enjoyed the last few weeks, and I was glad to have you there-’

‘We aim to please. I’m getting quite good at breathing exercises.’

Something determinedly bright in his voice made her look at him closely, and she saw what she dreaded. He was wearing his good humour like a mask. It kept her out.

Before she left Dr Ainsley told her, ‘The infection stopped him digesting properly, that’s why he’s stayed so thin. I’ll keep him here a couple of weeks, and when he goes home he should make giant strides. How are you managing? Is he a trial-apart from this, I mean?’

‘No, it’s been lovely,’ Kelly said. ‘Especially these last few weeks.’

‘When he goes home it’ll be better still.’

But she doubted that. Those few weeks alone together had been a wonderful time, but they were over.

She knew she’d been right when Jake left the hospital looking fitter than at any time since he was wounded. In the early days of his convalescence the hours and days had passed slowly, but now she found the time beginning to speed past. At last she could see that Jake’s strength was coming back. He gained weight, his voice grew stronger, he was more like the old Jake Lindley.

He seemed conscious of it too, for there were no more of the intimate chats she’d come to rely on. His attention was turning outwards again, and she knew that was a good sign. He was friendly, kind and cooperative, but their past history might not have existed.

Any day now he would be ready to leave her and return to the life of success, glitter and Olympia. When that time came she would accept it without bitterness, thankful for what they had enjoyed, which had been so much better than she had dared to hope.

CHAPTER TEN

WITH every day Kelly found her new self becoming more settled, more truly her. There was no going back to that uncertain girl who’d waited on Jake’s decisions. This mature woman made her own decisions, and if they hurt that was all the more reason for carrying them out decisively.

So as she saw Jake recovering, reaching the point where he would inevitably leave her, she decided to make the first move. Pride demanded it, and pride would soon be all she had to sustain her.

One day she said, ‘Isn’t it time you made a serious effort with Olympia?’

‘What exactly do you mean by that?’

‘Oh, come on, Jake. She’s one of the “movers and shakers”, isn’t she? You always said they were the people who counted. It’s time you were moving and shaking with her.’

He regarded her curiously. ‘Would you care to define moving and shaking?’

Her shrug was a masterpiece of light-hearted indifference. ‘Whatever grabs you. Maybe it’s time to let Olympia grab you. Your call.’

‘Does that mean what I think it means?’

‘It means anything you like. Just don’t let the grass grow under your feet.’

Incensed, he glared at her. ‘You think I’m the kind of guy who’d sleep with a woman to get a job?’

‘I only meant keep on her good side.’

‘You meant a heck of a sight more than that.’

‘Jake, I don’t care why you sleep with her-’

‘Or if I sleep with her?’ he asked dangerously.

She wanted to shout, You stupid man, of course I care. I love you and when you go I’ll feel that my life’s over for a second time. Why can’t you see that?

But he couldn’t see it, and that told her what she really wanted to know. Jake’s blindness was a form of self- protection. So she would hold her head up, make it all easy for him, and do her weeping when he’d gone.

She said lightly, ‘We covered that a long time ago. It’s a dead subject. All I ask is that you don’t do it here, while I’m trying to write an essay about the pyramids.’

‘Well, I’ll be damned! You’re a cool one.’

Her very coolness had seemed to enrage him. In a burst of temper he called Olympia, speaking honeyed words of wine and candle-light. And before Kelly knew it they’d made a date for the next evening, and she was left reflecting that she had only herself to blame.

Since it was too late for regrets, even if she would have allowed herself anything so spineless, she became ‘Anne of Cleves’ with a vengeance, helping him get ready the following day.

‘You want to make a good impression,’ she protested when he complained. ‘Not the red tie. It’s awful.’

‘You gave it to me.’

‘Did I? I must have been annoyed with you. The other one’s better.’

‘Olympia gave me that one.’