'-they looked up,' said Holmes, pressing on testily, 'and let out a great cry of “Peeping Tom!” Before I could either escape or explain myself, I had been roughly laid hold of, bound up in two large damp sheets and fed into the mangle.'
'How terrible!' I said.
All at once there came a spluttering sound. We both turned to see Megan bent over with laughter and pointing to the linen. As a consequence of our assignation in the coal cellar, there were now dozens of large black handprints all over the twisted remains of the sheets.
'They denounced me, using the foulest possible expletives,'
Holmes continued, clearly unamused by the turn of events. 'And then fled.'
'We must catch them,' I said.
'Why?' asked Megan.
'Because they have criminally attacked Mr. Holmes,' I said. 'And the full rigour of the law must be visited upon them.'
'I concur with your sense of outrage,' said Holmes, 'But I have reservations as to your suggested course of action. Not only would they have some semblance of a defence in court but I should have to explain why I had been
apparently spying on their perfectly legal sport. Such publicity would not help me in my endeavours to apprehend the blackmailing swine who is the cause of so much distress to Lady M.'
I could see the logic of his argument. 'But what then do we do?' I asked.
'May I remind you, Scott, that we are actually in the basement of Lady M-'s house. I suggest that we seek her out and find out if there have been any further developments in the affair while I have been unavoidably detained down here.'
'But what if we inadvertently happen upon your assailants?' I asked.
'I do not think we have to fear any further attack,' he said. 'Not only are we now their equal in numbers, but I strongly suspect that the two women will be chiefly concerned to reclaim their clothes and resume their domestic duties. As for the fellow, I would imagine that he has been either hidden away or pushed out into the street again.'
'Unless they hope to complete their fucking,' said Megan.
'That is a rather remote possibility,' said Holmes. 'We do not I think need unduly to concern ourselves with them any longer.'
'So we'd better go and look for Lady M-without further ado,' I said.
'May I remind you that we are both dressed as crossing sweepers,' said Holmes, 'I suggest that if we suddenly appeared before her looking like this, she might well become considerably upset. Also your friend here is not suitably dressed for a lady's drawing room.'
'I knew you wasn't a real crossing sweeper,' said Megan. 'A fancy dress ball is what I suggested if you recall.'
'Very observant of you, my dear,' said Holmes. 'You have the makings of a detective. It may be that I shall enlist your services. I would of course make it worth your while.' He fished out a small purse. 'Sixpence would seem an adequate sum for your services.'
'Make it ninepence and I will throw in a free fuck,' said Megan.
'That won't be necessary,' said Holmes. 'Although Mr. Scott here might well be interested in your offer at some time later on.'
'He's already had his fuck,' she said.
'Which doubtless accounts for the delay in his arrival.' He turned to me. 'Scott, I am not unappreciative of your efforts to stand in for Dr Motson, but you might be more useful to me if you could remember to use your head rather than your balls from time to time.'
'Bit of a prick on wheels, is he?' said Megan brightly.
'Ah, yes, an army expression, is it not,' said Holmes. 'You have experience of the military?'
'The Barrackroom Bint of Blaenau Festiniog, I was known as at home,' she said. 'And then I served the Navy at Portsmouth before coming to London.'
'So you have considerable experience of the foibles and predilections of humanity,' said Holmes. 'A veritable student of society.'
'I can tell the difference between a gentleman and a crossing sweeper,' she said quickly, 'However he may be turned out.'
'We must have a long talk together at some time in the future,' said Holmes. 'There are questions that I should like to put to you. Knowledge,' he said to me, 'must be sought in all quarters, even the most unlikely. But in the meantime, there is a problem to be solved.' He began to pace up and down. Then he patted his shabby pockets. 'Damn!' he said, 'I have mislaid my pipe in the fracas. I know I had it with me. It must be on the floor. You two look for it while I think.'
We searched and he pondered.
'We have to attract Lady M-'s attention without alarming her,' he said. 'We must also remember that the stranger we followed into the house may have come for reasons other than to engage the domestic staff in sexual intercourse. He may well be an emissary from the blackmailer. If so he could well still be on the premises, and one or more of the servants may be in league with him. We must be careful.'
'There is a maid's uniform hanging in one of the closets we passed,' said Megan, 'I could slip it on and go upstairs in search of her Ladyship. My appearance would not startle her and I could pass on a message to her.'
'A capital suggestion,' said Holmes, 'I will wait here, and Scott, you must resume your station in the street.'
'If you two gentlemen could help me get undressed and dressed again, it will speed things up,' said Megan.
'That would seem a task best suited to Mr. Scott's talents,' said Holmes. 'Ah! My pipe!' He picked it up from a corner of the room where it had lain unnoticed. 'This will aid the thought processes.'
Megan sent me off to fetch the uniform from the closet we had passed earlier while she began to strip off her rather grubby woollen dress.
'A wash is called for,' said Holmes. 'You are rather dirty.'
'Comes of fucking in a coal hole,' she said, looking at herself. 'A quick all-over sluice will do. There is a sink over there. If the young gentleman will wash the grime off his own hands, he can help me.'
I noticed that she was shivering a little.
'No chance of some warm water, I suppose,' she said.
'No time,' said Holmes. 'Cold it will have to be.'
I washed myself, drying my hands and face on another sheet.
'Now,' she said. 'Give me a good splashing.' She was standing, almost naked in the middle of the floor. 'Your hat,' I reminded her.
'Silly me,' she said and raised her arms to take it off. Then she lifted her hair up and posed in front of me. In spite of the urgency of the moment, I could not help but notice how enticing she looked even though she was streaked with coal dust. Mr. Pego reacted and stood hungrily up. She of course spotted what was happening at once.
'Another fuck?' she said, licking her lips in a most provoking manner.
'Not now!' said Holmes sternly.
Picking up a large dishcloth, I began to wipe her down. At the touch of the cold, damp rag, she gave out a little squeal. As her bare titties shook, my virile member thrust out once more. Holmes noticed.
'I can see that I will have to attend to the young lady's ablutions,' he said. 'Get her domestic's uniform ready.'
As Megan, still shivering but well aware of the effect she was having on me, twisted first one way and then the other while Holmes plied the cloth, I meanwhile tried to regain my critical faculties.
'I think your young gentleman could do with a splash of cold water, too,' said Megan.
'That is up to him,' said Holmes, gruffly. 'Now, that will do. Where's the dress?'
I stepped forward and slipped it down over her head, although not without a twinge of disappointment as its voluminous folds hid her thin body from sight. Holmes stepped back to inspect the effect.
