Shards of Us

lose Ash too.

Slowly, he reaches out his thumb and touches it to my cheekbone, then drags it down beneath my mouth, then up and around it. 'I never meant to hurt you,' he growls, dropping his voice, his eyes still trained on mine. They're full of pain and apology, but I'm done seeing them. The anger surges back through me as I remember what he did to me, to Ash. My heart thuds in my chest, faster this time. 'But you did hurt me. You locked me in here. You…. you got Ash killed! Get the fuck out of here. Get out of my life!' I scream through the tears.

He looks at me, deep and passionate, and nods, but he doesn't yell back at me. He doesn't get into an argument. He just stands there, probing me, his body in front of mine. 'If that's what you want, angel,' he hisses at last, biting back the rage. Then he puts down the gun and walks away into the darkness.

I crumple up and cry for a second as he walks out of the bathroom, trying to make sense of everything going on. It takes me a minute to regain my senses. But then I hear the click at the door, the door I couldn't open, and I realize he's the only way out.

Before I know what's happening, I feel myself running to the door, to the little glimpse of light outside, of freedom. 'Sebastian!' I scream, but the door is already creaking closed. 'Sebastian!'

Once I reach the door, it's fully shut. I start pounding on it, screaming and crying, desperately needing to get out of here. 'Sebastian! Let me out, Sebastian! LET ME OUT!' Nothing. No sound but the reverberations of my scream through the room. 'SEBASTIAN! PLEASE!'

I hold my breath as soon as I hear footsteps coming back to the door. I wait for him to unlock it and let me go free. The footsteps stop directly in front of the door, and for a second, there's nothing but silence.

And then I hear his voice.

'I'm sorry,' Sebastian says. 'But I can't let you out. I have to save you.'

My stomach twists immediately. He starts walking away, and then I pound on the door harder, screaming through the rawness in my throat. 'Let me out, Sebastian!' I say desperately. 'LET ME OUT!'

I scream and scream until I can’t scream anymore.

* * *

'Morning, angel.' The next morning, I wake up to the sound of those two, quiet words, forgetting for a minute where I am and what happened, and just enjoying the sound of Sebastian's voice through my closed eyes. But then the night before floods back to me, and I shoot up, my eyes wild, knowing I have to get out of here before he kills or rapes me or whatever he plans to do to me.

Sebastian sits down on the side of my bed as soon as I awake. I try to throw him off with a desperate flail of my arms, but he is too strong to be moved. I keep panicking though, desperately looking around for a weapon of some sort, for any way to protect myself. My heart is in my throat, but I find nothing of use.

Sebastian has this bittersweet look on his eyes, almost like he's full of regret. 'I made you breakfast, angel,' he says softly, seeing my crazed expression. 'You've been here a week now. You need to eat more.' He holds up a plate of eggs and bacon for me. It smells delicious, and as much as I want to knock out of his hand, I know he's right and I do need to eat something. I take the plate gingerly, glaring at him the whole time. He gives me an apologetic smile as he hands me a glass of water next.

'How are you today?' he asks after a minute, once I've taken a slow sip of my water and started on the breakfast. From the dark circles under his eyes, he looks tired, like he hasn't slept in days. It occurs to me then that maybe he, in fact, hasn't. Maybe he has spent the last week waiting for whoever is after us, according to him. Maybe he's spent it protecting me.

I push the thought away immediately. I'm not an idiot. I know that was just a lie to make me feel safer, until he can do… whatever it is he wants.

I don't answer Sebastian right away. I just keep clenching and unclenching my fists, hoping for a way to get out of here safely. Eventually, I move to eat my breakfast, and I hate how much I enjoy it. Sebastian can cook, I'll give him that. I almost want to spit the egg on his face after all he's done to me and Ash, but I'm too hungry to give up any food, so I just keep eating.

Finally, I meet Sebastian's gaze. His eyes look so innocent and well-meaning it makes me want to scream. I hate how safe he makes me feel, even after he locked me up like this.

'Why are you here, Sebastian?' I hiss. I'm not going to trust him. Not after what he did.

Sebastian smiles sadly, looking at me like I'm a distant memory, an old picture that is just out of reach. 'I'm here for you. I'm always here for you.'

'But I don't want you here,' I whisper. My dark hair hangs over my eyes, and I feel like I might as well be in chains by the way it feels to be next to him: like I can't get away. Like I can't ever escape him.

His eyebrows furrow. 'Say the word and I'll leave. I love you, angel. I don't want to make you uncomfortable.' His voice is quiet and singsong, innocent as it always is.

'Then leave,' I whisper, biting back a tear. 'Please. Just leave.'

He reaches out a gentle hand to my cheek, but I push him off, not wanting him to touch me. He looks at me sadly, then nods. 'If that's how you feel.' He stands up then and starts to walk away. 'Talk to you later?'

I glare at him, putting my fork down. 'No. I mean, I want to get out of here.' I gesture at my makeshift prison. 'Let me out.'

'I can't let you leave, angel,' he says quietly, but there is a certain intensity to his words, a certain genuineness… like he really does care for me. 'Not until I'm sure they won't hurt you.'

'Who are 'they,' Sebastian?' I don't hold back my irritation, because of course he is just lying to me to get my trust. 'Who is after me?'

Sebastian shifts closer to me, putting a hand on my cheek. I freeze, but this time, I don't pull it off. His hand is warm and rough against my soft skin, and I hate how his touch makes my skin tingle. I want to scream at myself for it, in fact, but I can't muster out even a single word. This all hurts too much. Being with him hurts too much.

Sebastian looks almost surprised by my question. 'You really don't know anything, do you?'

'No,' I say, shaking off the stupid lust I feel. I don't want Sebastian. I can't ever want him. Not after what he did. 'Tell me.'

Sebastian smiles distantly, shakes his head. He's not wearing a tux anymore. Instead, he's dressed in a simple t-shirt and baggy shorts. They look odd on him, for some reason. They just… they don't feel right. 'They're bad, bad men,' he says, not taking his eyes off of mine. 'That's all you need to know.'

'But you're friends with them,' I press, wanting to catch him in the lie. 'Right?' I'd seen enough crime shows to know that when bad men are after you, it's almost always because you were friends with them, then betrayed them.

'Right,' Sebastian says, watching me curiously.

I sit up further. 'You worked with them?'

'Once upon a time I did, yes.' I search his eyes to see if he's lying. He definitely doesn't seem to be, which surprises me, because there is no way he's telling the truth, right? My gaze drops down to his cheek, then latches on the scar he's always had beneath his eye. Realization hits me.

'Do they involve that scar?' I ask, pointing at his cheek.

For a second, Sebastian stiffens up. He looks almost unnerved by my question, or at least taken aback. I can't tell which. But then it's gone as quickly as it comes, and his face slips into an easy smile. 'That's enough now, angel. We'll discuss this more later. Okay?'

I take another bite of my eggs, but I don't respond.

We sit there in silence for a while longer while I eat my breakfast. I listen to the steady sound of him breathing, watch the rise and fall of his chest, the way he doesn't take his eyes off me for a second as I eat. His gaze is searing, and I hate it, hate him. I keep eating, listening to the hum of the heater above me and letting everything else fade away.

The room is dark, but peeps of morning light slip in under the door. If I listen hard enough, I can hear the chirp of birds above, too, and the steady patter of the night's rain falling down from their place in the trees. The whole place is peaceful, cut-off. I wonder where we are, why we're here, and if we'll ever get out. I wonder how Sebastian will know when these men will stop hunting him, or really who they are in the first place, if they're even real. I wonder why they want him, and more importantly, why they want me. I wonder what kind of connection Sebastian had to them. And then, I wonder where he got that scar from. I can tell, from the way he flinched when I mentioned it, that whatever it was, it wasn't pretty.