and caring and worried it makes my heart hurt. His side is now inches from my face, the heat from his body pulsing through the air. I sit up and edge away from him, just to be safe.
'I wish it didn't have to be like this, you know,' Sebastian breathes, watching me sadly, as if he hates himself for making me distrust him so much. 'I wish this wasn't my only choice.'
I don't say anything at that. I only look at him, searching his eyes to see if he's lying. Strangely, it doesn't feel like he is. I hate myself immediately for thinking it, though. I mean, he's just trying to trick me, right? He's just trying to gain my trust so he can screw me over later, isn't he? And as much as I want to believe that's the case, I know, deep down, that it isn't. I know Sebastian well enough to tell he is telling the truth.
Sebastian reaches out a hand then, still looking at me, his fingers dangling by my hair. I flinch immediately, and he sighs. 'May I, angel?' he asks softly, his voice filled with concern. I start to tell him no, to tell him to get the hell out of here, but the words refuse to come. My throat is too choked up, my voice too hurt from my screaming. So, I take a breath, and I nod.
Sebastian looks at me knowing, then hesitates as he moves his fingers throughout my long hair, expertly touching me, guiding his way across my skin. Something about the way he rubs my hair is so calming, and it makes me want nothing more than to close my eyes and fall asleep to it, to him touching me.
'Why are you doing this?' I ask at last. My voice is so quiet, so strained, it's like it isn't even there. 'If you really are just trying to protect me from those men, why do you have to lock me up? Why don't you trust me enough to stay by your side?'
He sighs at my question, but doesn't say anything. He just continues to run his fingers through my hair, with his breath on my lips, his side touching mine. I listen to the hum of the heater around me, to the distant chirping of birds just outside this safe house. I let myself relax with Sebastian this close to me, let myself breathe slowly, in and out, in and out. I know I shouldn't feel safe with him. I know I shouldn't trust him. But for whatever reason, I… I do. Or at least, I don't have the energy to fight him off right now.
'I wish I knew the answer to that,' Sebastian says at last, his voice barely above a whisper. 'But I've learned that trust has nothing to do with it. People you love get hurt all the time, no matter what you do, no matter how much you plan. And I've lost so many people, angel. I've lost so much that I'm fucking sick and tired of seeing those I care about get hurt. I don't want that to happen to you too,' he whispers. 'So I'm just trying to keep you safe, through the only way I have left.'
There's a pause as soon as he says it, and I listen to the beat of my heart, to the longing in his voice. Sebastian doesn't move any closer to me, doesn't try to pull anything, which takes me off guard. He isn't even looking at me anymore. His eyes are focused on the door to the safe house, like they're the gateway into another dimension only he knows about. He just keeps running his hand through my hair, giving me my distance, sighing sadly. 'I'll let you out as soon as you're safe, angel,' he says after a while. 'I promise you that much.'
Then he opens and closes his eyes and starts to stand up. The bed groans from the shift in weight, as Sebastian pulls off of it. He stands up and starts to brush his suit off, looking at me the whole time with those sad blue eyes of his. 'I'm sorry,' he whispers, shifting his jaw so he's looking directly at me. 'I hope you know that I'm sorry.'
Sebastian leaves again the next day, this time for almost twelve hours. I don't do anything all day but lie in bed and stare up at the ceiling, replaying our last conversation again and again in my head. As much as I wish it weren't true, a part of me is starting to believe Sebastian. A part of me realizes that he really does care about me, that in the end, he's just a broken man in love, a man who wants to protect me, wants to love me, but doesn't know how to show it. He's been hurt before; he's been hurt so much, that he doesn't want to take any chances on my safety.
And I know I can't ever really be with him, can't ever really like him after he locked me up like this, but I still find myself feeling for him. I still find myself understanding him, or at least trying to, as much as I wish I wouldn't.
I lie in bed all day, just thinking, just hoping, just longing for a way out.
I don't move when I hear Sebastian's car pull up a few hours later. Or when the door flings open. Or when I hear his angry cursing. I don't move when he races right up to me, his eyes filled with need and hunger. I don't move as he wraps his arms around me and lifts me out of bed, then places me gently onto the ground beside him.
Immediately, I step back. My body starts shaking. I know full well not to trust him. I keep my back pressed to the bed, ready to run in case he tries anything. 'What are you doing?' I whisper cautiously, waiting for his reaction.
Sebastian's eyes stay on mine as he whispers, 'Something I should have done long ago.' His voice is filled with need.
I stop.
Need… for me.
He takes a step closer, not looking away. Heat radiates from his body and wraps around me, like I'm engulfed by flames, and as much as I should want to back away, to get the hell out of here, I can't. I just stand there, looking into his eyes, not knowing what to say. I'm rooted in the spot. Rooted… and a part of me would rather be nowhere else.
'I need you to do something for me,' he says in a low voice, his eyes searching mine, and in my mind I'm back in the hotel room, with his lips by my ear as he whispers his stories to me. 'Do you think you can do that?'
'What do you want?' I say quietly. I know fighting him is no use. I know I'm his prisoner, I know he's controlling me, and I know protests will help nothing.
He takes a deep breath, not once taking his eyes off of mine. 'I need you to dance for me, angel.'
I freeze. My eyes focus on his to see if he's lying. 'Huh?'
'Dance for me,' he repeats, not hesitating for a second.
I start protest. The doctors said I could never dance again, not without risking hurting my leg for good, and I'm sure as hell not dancing for Sebastian of all people. 'No, I can't--'
'I know you used to dance,' he says. His voice is urgent, demanding. 'And so I'm asking you, to dance for me just this once.'
I open my mouth to argue some more, but then I see the need in Sebastian's face and I know I can't say no. 'Okay,' I say softly. I hate myself so much for agreeing to it, but somehow, I don't want to fight this. I want to dance--I want to find a way to escape this place, even if it's only for a few seconds.
'Good,' he says, then holds up a CD player. 'Which song?'
'Swan Lake.' I don't take my eyes off of his as his hands move to turn on the song. There's a click, and then the quiet melody fills the air.
'Dance for me, my angel,' Sebastian whispers again, and I look into his eyes, and I feel the tears glistening in mine, but I do, I do, I do. I move into the middle of the dark room under Sebastian's watchful gaze, and I dance. The song is slow and gradual, full of longing and need for escape, and I suspend my right hand over my head, close my eyes, and let everything else fade away. My legs arch forward, then swing in a circle, and then I'm spinning, feeling nothing but the air wrapping around my body and the beautiful, beautiful peace of it all. I lean my head back, then drift forward to Sebastian, my movements graceful and easy. Everything hums as I dance, and all of the pain and the fear and the tears from before seem to fade away.
The tempo picks up, growing deeper and darker, and I find myself dancing faster, faster, faster. My body follows such simple movements, my legs propelling me forward and making me spin in a circle, my arms arched on either side of my body. I feel so relaxed when I'm dancing, and even in the dark room under Sebastian's watchful gaze, dancing frees me. Dancing makes me whole again.
Finally, in between a spin, I look up to meet Sebastian's stare--just for a second. His blue eyes are filled with something deep and broken, trained on me, and suddenly all I want is to be near him again.
I can't explain it.
I can't even begin to make sense of it.
Sebastian has made me his prisoner, and yet, I still feel drawn to him, I still want him and I don't even know why.
'Dance with me, Sebastian,' I whisper as the music speeds up. I hold out my trembling hand.
