place because it’s ju st better for her that w ay; and I say fine; and
everyone says fine; and he’s going to give me the keys and
directions because I’m not sure where it is from here and I’m
waiting for him to come tell me these things, he said he’d write
them down, and fatigue is dragging me down, and I get my
coat and he comes and says hell I’ll just walk you there, it’s no
big deal, Jill’s going to be here for a couple o f hours yet, I’ll
walk you and come back, it’s just a few blocks away; and I was
glad because I didn’t want to get lost and I don’t know it
around here so good and it’s late and the streets are a little scary
down here, it’s not a regular neighborhood, and the wind has
made the streets bare and menacing as if it’s blowing dark
shadows in your face to smother you, and we go out, and it’s
colder than before, you are turned half to ice and the streets are
empty, just this naked cement with tides o f wind sweeping
over it like a sandstorm in the desert, and he says shit let’s get a
drink, and we step into a bar, we fucking dive into it, grateful
it’s there, and w e’re at the bar and I’m drinking my Stoli
straight up and I don’t have no money and I say so because I’m
planning to pay half because that’s fair and also I don’t want
wrong ideas communicated or to take advantage because he’s
a famous painter and he’s saying shit it doesn’t matter, it’s so
fucking cold we w on’t make it if we don’t take care o f
ourselves, and we talk about Hem ingway or something, and
we take o ff again, and we get a little further and there’s another
bar and we dive in, grateful, and we sit at the bar and there’s
another Stoli in front o f me and w e’re talking about some actor
he knows w h o ’s shooting cocaine and he’s saying it’s a tragedy
and I’m thinking yeah it is; and I’m saying Jill will w orry and
he’s saying there’s plenty o f time and I’m saying we should
just brave it and walk to his place and he’s saying it’s Jill’s
opening and she’s the center o f attention and that’s how it
should be and it’s good for her, she needs to stand more on her
own, and he’s proud o f her, and it’ll be fine, and there’s
another Stoli and another and another bar and another and he’s
putting down ten dollar bills for the bartender and I see the
vodka in front o f me and I drink it, and we talk about
H em ingway, and Ginsberg, and Whitman, and we duck into
another bar, and it’s almost empty, they all are, the weather
makes everything deserted and quiet and we seem like the only
people on earth, really, and the streets get darker, and the wind
gets colder, and the Stoli goes down smoother, easier, faster,
and he unrolls the bills faster, easier, more, and I’m saying shit
I’m tired and I’m telling him m y sad story o f this night and
how I didn’t have anywhere to go and how I don’t have no
money and how things are and he’s concerned, he’s listening,
