where they look aw ay and you are nearly ten but you are a
fully desperate human being because you want to know inside
where so you w ill know what happened because you don’t
know what he did or what it was or how many hands he had
but they don’t ask you that. And your mother says show me and
you don’t know if you should put your arm around her
shoulder, rubbing, or rub your head into her neck, and she says
show me and you try to whisper the w ay he whispered in a deep
voice but you are too far away from her for it to be like him and
you don’t know what he said so you are crying and a little sick
and you point to your legs and say here and she says show me
where he touched you and you say here and you point to your
legs and she says did he put anything in and you say his hands
and she says anything else did he put anything else in and you
don’t know how many hands he had or if he put them in or in
where and you are wearing bermuda shorts because it is hot,
hot summer, August, black ones, too grown up for a girl your
age she told you but you are always fighting to wear black
because you want to be grown up and you are always fighting
with her anyway and this time she let you because she didn’t
want to fight anymore, and she wants to know i f he touched
your knee and she points to your bare knee and you say yes and
she wants to know if he touched higher and you don’t know
how high because you were sitting down and you say my legs
and she asks you if he touched your bermuda shorts and you
say yes and she asks you if he took them o ff and you think she
is trying to trick you because you were at the movies and how
could someone take your bermuda shorts o ff at the movies and
she asks you if he touched under the bermuda shorts and she
wants to know what he touched you with and it was dark and
you couldn't see and you don’t know what he touched you
with or how many hands he had but she doesn’t ask you that
and afterwards sometimes you think he was from outer space
because people from earth have two hands and when you
make a drawing o f him with crayons or pastels you draw a
stick man with a big face and big hands, lots o f hands, and
sometimes you make another hand in the sky coming down
and you never tell that you are drawing him and you say that
he rubbed you with something inside your legs, no, not there,
higher up, and she cries, your beautiful mother cries, with her
long hair, with her black hair down to her shoulders, and her
cotton summer dress with flowers on it from when she was
young, she cries and she sits across from you and she holds
your hands in hers and you feel so sorry because you always do
something wrong and make her angry or sad and this was a
special day when she let you go to the movies by yourself for
