Beautifully Awake

restaurant, passed down from generation to generation. They were the epitome of the town motto. Born in Wrangel. Die in Wrangel. And Selfish was the poster boy for ambitionless. Why try if Mommy and Daddy paid your way?

“Seems they can’t afford to renew their lease on the pub. Gonna try their luck down south. Because Texas doesn’t have enough BBQ joints?”

“Dad, that’s crazy. Not that I’m complaining. Good riddance is right. But Reed’s pub has been there forever.”

“Yeah, I know. But heard they’re planning on re-doing that whole shopping center, breaking the pub into a few smaller shops ... one of those cell phone stores and a fancy Chinese joint with the half dead fish.”

I smirked at my dad’s rendition of Japanese food.

“Japanese, Dad. And it’s called sushi.” Even the mention of freaking food made me think about Chase.

“Whatever the hell you call it, I’m sure as hell not eating it.”

“Dad, you’re too much. It’s not bad. Trust me ... you should take Sharon. I bet she’d love it.”

“That rich doctor of yours feeding you that crap?”

I wished he was still mine.

“Dad, I’m just walking in the door. I was out for a run. Mind if I call you later?” I wasn’t in the mood to lie to him a second time tonight, and I couldn’t foresee a way out of a Chase conversation.

“Of course, babydoll, but you better not be running yourself into the ground. You get any thinner and you’ll be skin and bones.”

“I’m not, Dad, promise.”

“All right. I love ya, babydoll. You be safe.”

“Always, Dad. I love you too. Tell Sharon I said hi.”

“Will do.”

“And Dad ... thanks for letting me know ... it helps.”

There was that same pause. I hated the silence, picturing my dad on the other end trying to not crack and be my rock.

“Just make sure you explain the difference between the NHL and minor leagues to that boyfriend of yours before I see you guys next.”

“You got it, Dad.”

What else was I going to say…

With the shower quickly approaching and Dodd away on business, Sierra and I bonded over take-out and shower plans most nights. After the upcoming baby shower weekend I decided I was going to call Chase. Sierra was not on board and made it clear, and I quote, “That fucker should be banging down your door, no way he’ll go that long without your...” I definitely cringed and turned beet red. That girl literally killed me sometimes.

U better be in something cute!

It was a couple minutes before five on Thursday night. We were starting off the shower weekend with a bang at girls’ night out.

If not u better get ur ass home and change

C u at 6!

Sierra tried all week to pull me from my slump. Only one person had that power. I admired my designer black and white Chevron print three quarter sleeved shift dress. He picked this one out for me. Told me it made my legs go on forever, especially when I wore my heels. Once again I was brought back to a happy memory with Chase. But as hard as Sierra worked at monopolizing my time, she couldn’t stop my internal battle. I skirted the edge of either sinking into a deep dark depression or screaming and yelling and throwing things. For my immediate sanity, I hovered right in the middle, asking myself the same question every day. Why the hell was he doing this to us?

I parked myself at the bar and ordered a margarita while I waited for the rest of the girls to join me. They started trickling in at a couple minutes after six. Kate and Leanne, some of the other girls from the recovery room and fifth floor. Kate was all smiles.

“What’s up with you?” I asked Kate. This was the happiest I had seen her in a while.

“Oh nothing.” She batted her eyelashes and looked away.

“Oh please,” I said, holding my hand up to wave the bartender over.

“Just tell her,” Leanne chimed in. “Lili isn’t that fragile.”

“CJ told me he loved me today,” she divulged. Her smile reached her ears. I couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy. CJ sounded like a nightmare most of the time. I’d never wish for a relationship like theirs, but I wanted to smile that big again. I wanted my happiness back.

“That’s great, Kate.” I totally fake smiled. “So when are we ever going to meet the mystery man?”

“I know. I’m so embarrassed he doesn’t want our relationship exposed because we met at the hospital. Doesn’t make sense. Anyway, I told him my friends keep asking.” She shrugged and sipped her margarita. I didn’t know what to say. My BFF had impeccable timing.

“What’s going on, chicas?” Sierra strolled up to the bar in her three-inch platforms and an adorable tight black tube dress.

“Damn girl, you rock that bump,” Leanne exclaimed.

“Sierra, you look amazing.” Kate reached out to rub her belly.

“Figured since my fat ass can’t drink or dance for fear of peeing myself, might as well look cute. Nobody told me you needed Depends when laughing, coughing or bouncing of any kind, for that matter. Damn, this girl is cramping my style.”

We all chuckled. Sierra was seriously a piece of work sometimes; well, most of the time.

“Well, mission accomplished, Asspuck, you look awesome. Here.” I handed Sierra her wine glass filled with seltzer.

“So you guys drink up. I need to watch someone have fun. I’ll bring everyone home later.” We clinked our glasses and sipped.

“Well, well. What do we have here?”

“Jack, what are you doing here?” Leanne’s voice raised two octaves as Jack sauntered up to the bar all Rico Suave. He snaked his arms around her waist and ground his hips into her backside. “Jack,” Leanne teased. She definitely wasn’t complaining. Damn, I could tell this was going to be a long night of constant envy.

“Aren’t you two smoking hot.” Sierra didn’t waste a minute.

Leanne blushed and snuggled into Jack’s neck.

“Grab a margarita, Jack.” I motioned to the pitcher.

“Thanks, Lili. Guy and Sam should be right behind me. We weren’t missin’ girls’ night out.” He released Leanne and filled his glass. He motioned for another pitcher. I hadn’t seen Guy since our elevator exchange. I had sudden nervous stomach. He thought I was with Chase then, he obviously knew I wasn’t now.

“Dude, Jack, how’d you get so lucky to surround yourself with the hottest girls in Philly?” It wasn’t surprising how quickly Guy weaseled his way into the middle of our circle. He was such a flirt; he turned every female head in the general vicinity. “Hey doll, where’ve you been all week?”

“Oh just working, keeping busy.” I still sipped from my first margarita. Just wasn’t going down as quickly as I hoped. The familiar tight knot and constant burn in my chest wasn’t mixing well with alcohol. Shocker. Guy grabbed a glass, filled it to the brim and went bottoms up within minutes.

“Man, I needed that. Long fucking week.” He leaned against the bar crossing his legs at his ankles. “Shit, and it’s only Thursday. One more day dealing with Colton and his fucking running battle wounds.”

I nearly spit out my drink as my lungs ceased. I slid my hand between my crossed legs and squeezed my thigh so hard I definitely left a mark. I felt Sierra’s eyeballs boring a hole into the side of my face. There was no way I could make eye contact.

“I guess I really shouldn’t complain. He’s been a total dickhead, but I’ve gotten to do a shitload of operating.”

I was waiting for my lungs to start working while Guy pounded a second margarita.

“Hey, excuse us, Guy.” Sierra stepped right in, not letting that conversation go on for a second longer. “I need to steal the girls for a little pregnancy girl talk, we’ll catch up with you in a bit.” Sierra gave him her sweetest