Beautifully Awake

smile.

My eyes spoke novels—thank you.

“Jack just went to the end of the bar, some type of sporting event is on.” She motioned to the very large flat screen hanging at the other end of the bar.

“Gotta hang with my dudes … check out the game. See ya in awhile.”

I slumped in my chair and picked up my margarita.

“What’s wrong with you, Asspuck, still nursing your first margarita?”

“Shut it, Sier—I’m fine.” Now my eyes turned devilish, screaming leave-me- alone.

“Anyway, chicas, I had an emergency visit with the OB today.”

I perked up. “And why is this the first time I am hearing of this? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, we’re good, nothing serious.” She waved me off. “I didn’t want to interrupt you at work with my woes of pregnancy—I believe those were your exact words.”

I glared at her. Bitch.

“Because the last time you called me it was the ass crack of dawn, and you were complaining about a freaking hemorrhoid that Dodd found,” I responded defensively even though I knew she was teasing me. The girls erupted into laughter. Sierra was the loudest.

“That was fucking hilarious. Come on, Lil, you know it was.”

Leanne was laughing so hard a tear trickled down her cheek. Kate was clutching her sides. “Just wait, you bitches. You’ll have a baboon ass too.”

“Stop, Sierra, you’re killing us.” Kate giggled.

“If it wasn’t serious, what the hell had you in a panic?” I asked.

“I woke up out of a dead sleep last night with this crazy itchy skin. I seriously thought I was going to scratch a fucking hole in my stomach. My belly was covered in these red bumps. I freaked out and woke Dodd up. I made him Google it at three in the morning. I was clawing the shit out of my skin. I must have looked like a fucking cat rubbing my body against anything firm enough to hold my weight.”

I couldn’t help snickering. “So what the hell was it?”

“Something called PUPPS. I guess a puppy analogy would have been more appropriate.” We all shook our heads in sync and laughed. Sierra knew how to make even the worst situations funny. “Anyway, it’s some crazy ass skin condition in pregnancy that only 1% of the pregnant population gets. Of course I have to be the fucking 1%. Just my damn luck. I’ve been slathering this damn cream on it all day, and thank god it’s helping. Shit, just thinking about it makes me squirm. I’ll be right back I gotta re-lather.”

“She’s hilarious, Lil,” Kate said.

I nodded in agreement but was distracted by Guy’s fast approach.

“Doll,” he slurred. Oh shit, he was drunk. “Come on, let’s dance. You owe me.” He grabbed my hand, tugging me from my chair.

“Guy, you’re drunk.”

“What? So. I just wanna dance.”

We weaved our way through sticky bodies to the center of the dance floor. Guy wrapped his arms around my waist and held me close. My heart rate shot up in the oh crap sort of way. Damn, I should have made an excuse. The way his warm breath bathed my neck sent a shiver down my spine. This was dangerously close to going over the friendship line. And his dancing ability was not lost on me. He was good. Too good. His body rhythmically swayed and moved with the beat perfectly, coaxing me with him.

“You smell so good, Lil.” He nuzzled his face in my neck.

“Guy,” I warned, tightening my body and backing away slightly.

“Oh doll, just dance with me.” He languidly dragged his hands up my body, caught up in the moment. Or that was what I hoped. Catching me off guard, his lips brushed against mine. I blinked frantically and moved my face. Guy ignored my flinch, possessively sliding his hand around the base of my neck. His lips attacked mine in a deep, hungry kiss. I softened for just a moment enjoying his warmth, only to jerk back with my head spinning. Deprived of some much-needed air, I pushed against his chest trying to gain my space. What the hell?

“Shit, Lil, I’m sorry. I just thought ... fuck.” He bowed his head and looked away.

A pang of guilt washed through me. If I had opened my damn eyes I would have seen this coming from a mile away. His flirting, our banter, his need to somehow touch me in any situation. Damn.

“Guy, no, I’m sorry if I was leading you on ... it’s just ... I thought we were just friends.” I turned away. “I’m just gonna head back to the bar.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” he stuttered. Obviously embarrassed, he shook his head, muttering several more expletives under his breath. I decided long ago that I would never settle for anything less than butterflies, and I learned tonight they were only reserved for Chase.

Completely flustered, I weaved my way through the mass of people bumping and grinding and grabbed my bag. I mumbled to the girls that I left my phone in my car and I would be back. Pushing through the front door of the bar, I stopped and let out a long breath.

“What the hell,” I sneered. A drunk couple stumbled out the door and slammed into my side. Unsteady on my heels, my ankle buckled. “Shit!” I tried to catch myself. Two strides later I was on my knees in the middle of the freaking parking lot.

“Lili, what the fuck, are you okay?” The voice behind me sounded labored and panicked. His voice. A voice I craved more than anything, now made me fiery mad. What was he doing here? “Why are you on the ground? Are you drunk? Are you hurt?” Apparently missing the collision, he lifted me off the ground.

Chase’s face was chiseled ice; his stare so cold. Goose bumps prickled my freshly shaven legs despite the August heat.

“I’m fine.” I was so not fine. I turned on my heel and spotted my car. The burn in my knees and the warm trickle of blood sliding down my shin reminded me how not drunk I was.

“Where the hell are you going?”

“Home.”

“Like fuck you are. You’re drunk!”

“Chase, I am not having this conversation in the middle of a bar parking lot,” I hissed, waving an aggressive finger between us.

As much as I wanted him, wanted to jump in those ripped arms and rewind to the morning before I walked into that courtroom when Chase still saw only his pure sweet, I couldn’t. There was no erasing the past few weeks. No erasing the pain. My eyes darted to his hands, clutched in tight fists by his sides. Even white-knuckled, I saw the deep bruises on his left hand. My gaze shifted back to his face. The line was faint, but the gash Kate described was still there, marring his gorgeous face. My head spun. Why? Damn it, he was the one who left me, told me to leave. He was torturing us both. Everything was so fucked up. I yanked my car keys out.

“I saw him kiss you, Lili.” I stopped dead in my tracks. “Do you have any idea what that just fucking did to me? I wanted to plow through that crowd, rip him off you and beat him to a pulp. I can’t...” I turned around. The rage in his eyes was tangible. Dr. Intensity met Dr. Jealousy. “Why was he kissing you?”

I blinked several times, unsure of how to respond.

“Why are you here?” I punctuated, but Chase just stared in my eyes. “You know what, Chase, I don’t want to know.” I continued walking to my car, yelling over my shoulder. “I’m going home now. When you’re ready to talk, fine. You know where to find me, but I’m not doing this in the middle of the fucking night.” I opened my car door, slid inside and slammed the door shut. He snapped from his trance and banged on the window, desperation in his eyes.

“No, baby, no. Get out of the car. Don’t you dare drive! Fuck!”

I realized at that moment he actually thought I was drunk. My blood boiled. Screw that. I started my car.

Chase wildly banged his hands on the back of my car. “Blue, get out of the fucking car!” But I pulled away.

On the drive home, tears pooled behind my contacts. Angry tears, confused tears, heartbreaking tears. How the hell did we get here? My pride took a backseat to blurry vision, and I finally blinked hard, allowing the salty