plate.
'Thank you ladies for letting me be involved with your day, yet again.' I turned to Haley, and smiled.
'You’re welcome here anytime, Haley. Right, Kendall?' She could only nod, her mouth full of pepperoni. 'I want to know when I get to see these bunnies of yours.'
'Me, too.' Kendall said around her mouthful.
'Well, maybe you two can come over to my house next weekend.' She took a drink from her soda.
'Yay! Oh, wait. I have to go see my grandparents next weekend.' Kendall looked down, obviously bummed.
'Well, then we’ll do it another time. Okay?' Haley said, smiling at the girl. Kendall looked at her, nodding.
'Okay. What are your bunny’s names?' She took a big bite from her piece of pizza.
'Peggy and Oreo.'
'Peggy?' I asked. She grinned at me.
'I’ll explain it when you see them.'
'Andi? When I finish this, may I be excused to watch TV?' I nodded.
'Sure, hon.' She smiled, and continued to eat.
I leaned against the wall, arms crossed over my chest as I listened. Haley sat at the piano, her eyes closes as she let the music pour from her. I had been amazed when she’d told me that she had bought a used upright when she’d moved back to Minnesota. She said that she couldn’t live without a piano. For some reason hers was back in California.
The song came to an end. And she looked up at me. I met her gaze with a smile.
'That was beautiful. You’re such a wonderful pianist, Haley.'
'Thank you. When I was in college I found that it was a wonderful stress reliever, as well as the Tae Kwon Do. I’m surprised you haven’t gotten Kendall into it.'
I looked down, playing with my fingers. 'She can’t. Kendall was born with heart problems, and can’t take that kind of activity.'
'Oh. That’s too bad.' I smiled, wanting to change the subject.
'So, teacher, want to give me some more lessons?' I nodded toward the piano. Haley’s face brightened immediately.
'Really?' I nodded. 'Oh, absolutely. I’m so excited that you asked.'
'Andi!' I turned to see a bouncing ten year old heading toward us.
'Yes, Kendall?' I grinned, always completely charmed by her enthusiasm for life.
'You should see this show on TV. It’s really hot shit.' I stood there, mouth open in shock.
'What did you just say?' Kendall looked away, realizing what she’d just said. 'Kendall, you don’t use language like that.' I was stunned. The girl looked back up at me, her young face contorted in anger and embarrassment. She looked at Haley, seeing if she was noticing.
'You always tell me what to do.' Kendall looked at me, small fists on her hips. 'You’re not my mother!' she shouted, and ran toward her bedroom.
I stood there, feeling as though I’d been slapped in the face, or punched in the heart. As if in a daze, I walked toward the living room, my legs feeling like they belonged to someone else, and I wasn’t sure how to use them. Sinking down into the couch, I covered my face with my hands, feeling the lump that was suddenly super- sized, try to make its way to my eyes.
'Andi?' I heard Haley’s soft voice near my ear, and knew she was kneeling down next to me. 'Are you okay?' I could hear the confusion in her voice. I took a deep breath, knowing my face was red from the upset that was waiting to burst from me. I looked into concerned blue eyes. 'I know kids say some stupid things sometimes, but,'
'I am her mother, Haley.'
She only stared.
Part 13
I could feel Haley’s eyes on me, and for a moment I couldn’t believe I’d said it. No one knew. Not even Erin. Well, it was out now, so might as well go with it.
Slowly I looked up, running a hand through my hair. I felt like an idiot, not a huge fan of showing my emotions so bluntly as I was now; my cheeks felt tight even as tears continued to run down and drip off my chin.
'What?' Haley finally said, her hand frozen on my arm. I nodded.
'She’s my daughter, I’m her mother, well, biological mother, anyway.'
Haley sat back on her heels, staring at the floor as she tried to digest what I was telling her. Finally she took a deep breath, and seemed to get herself under control, ready to start asking questions.
'How did it happen?' Her voice was quiet, low, reminding me of the church voice your mother tells you to use. I took in a deep breath, feeling my lungs fill with air, and my body fill with courage. I let out the breath, and ran a hand through my hair again. A nervous gesture on my part.
'When I started at Dartmouth, during the first week I met a guy named Scott Pachowski. Nicest guy in the world. Well, we hit it off immediately. Good friends, and study buddies.' I smiled at the memory. 'We used to make ice cream runs at two in the morning when we’d study.' I smiled at her, and she smiled back, squeezing my arm in support and encouragement. She pulled herself up to sit next to me.
'Then what?' I took a deep breath.
'Well, at that time, as an eighteen-year-old kid, I was so confused, you know?' I looked at her, she shook her head.
'I don’t understand.'
'About myself. You figure what my sexual experiences had been before that.' She looked down, nodding.
'Yeah.' She looked at me again. 'I see.'
'So, one night, after half a day of studying, Scott and I decided to rent a couple movies, get some junk food, and chill out in my dorm room. Scott had never had any kind of experiences at all.' I grinned, looking down at my hands, which fidgeted with each other. 'In fact, he had a condom in his wallet that he’d been carrying around for like a year. I used to tease him about that all the time.' I took a deep breath, glancing again toward Kendall’s room. 'Anyway, as we watched the movie, we started talking about sex. Talking about it turned to kissing, and kissing turned to him being able to finally use that condom.' I smiled sadly at Haley.
'Which, of course, was old?' she asked, her voice very quiet. I nodded, feeling my eyes begin to sting again.
'Yeah.'
'I think I can guess the rest.' I tucked my lower lip in, trying to hold myself together, keep in the emotion, but I felt a tear slip out, making a cold, lazy trail down my cheek. 'Why didn’t you abort?' I looked up at her, my brows drawn.
'I could never do that, Haley. Kill an innocent, unborn child because of my own irresponsibility? Never.' She nodded in understanding.
'How did the Torrini's get involved in all of this?' I felt Haley’s hand moving on my arm, petting me, always letting me know she was there.
'My mom. Through the hospital. She knew a woman who knew a couple wanting a child. At that time they had been married for something like seven years, and couldn’t conceive. So, we all met, and an arrangement was made.'
'Why didn’t you keep her?' I sighed, a rueful smile coming to my face.
