But in the end, to shut him up, I chose some sleek black thing and it all got boxed up with a load of extra bits and pieces that I didn’t understand or care about. Dad locked it into the boot of his car and took me out for lunch.
We talked for a bit about school and exams and all that stuff that parents find so endlessly fascinating. And then he said: ‘Look. We’re still a bit worried about you, Anna. You’re never in the house these days. We don’t know anything about this new friend of yours, this Emma. And your sleeping problem’s not getting any better. You look so pale and tired. Your mum says every time she mentions it, you change the subject.’
‘Cold weather today, isn’t it,’ I said and gave a little giggle. Dad didn’t laugh with me.
‘Why are you so determined not to go to the doctors?’
I shifted in my chair. ‘Because it’s just – it’s just exams and stuff. It’ll get better when they’re all done.’
‘You would tell us – me or your mum – if there was something else? You know we only want to help?’
I sighed hard. ‘Yeah, yeah, I would. It’s nothing. And anyway, all a doctor would do is bang on about teenage hormones and periods and stuff.’
That worked. Dad’s gaze shifted sideways and I could see him grasping around in his head for something else to talk about.
I helped him out. ‘Anyway, what about you?’
‘Me? What about me?’
I topped up the fizzy water in my glass. ‘Are you going to get back together with Mum?’
Dad looked as if I’d thrown my water at him. ‘Whatever made you – Is that what you thought was happening?’
I stared back at him. ‘Well, you’ve been living with us for weeks now. I thought, maybe –’ Suddenly I was wishing I hadn’t asked.
Dad rubbed his eyes. He looked really worn out. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have moved in with you and your mum at all. I should’ve just found my own place. I’ve given you completely the wrong idea.’
‘You have?’
‘Anna, sweetheart. I know you don’t like me talking about Ellie, but – fact is – I loved her. I still do. And I miss her. I haven’t found my own place because I keep hoping she’ll have me back.’
I swallowed. ‘Right.’ My eyes started to sting a little and I screwed them up. ‘So you just used Mum. All you wanted was somewhere to kip.’
I might’ve raised my voice, because Dad glanced around to see if anyone was looking at us. ‘It wasn’t like that at all, and your mum knows it, even if you didn’t. When we split up, we both agreed it was the best thing. Your mum wouldn’t want me back, even if I asked her.’
‘That’s not true.’ I had to wipe my eyes and I inspected my fingers for smears of mascara. ‘Mum was heartbroken about the divorce. She was in bits, for ages.’
Dad nodded. ‘We were both in bits. For ages. But that didn’t make it the wrong thing to do.’
A waitress put plates down in front of us. We both stared at them for a few minutes. Neither of us started to eat.
‘The other thing is, Anna – I’m sorry – but Barney’s going to have to go back home.’
‘No!’ My shoulders slumped. ‘But he’s so happy with us. I love him. Can’t you ask your friend if he’d let us keep him?’
‘I can’t, no.’ Dad looked down at the table. ‘She’s back from her holiday and I was always only looking after him while she was away.’
‘She?’ It suddenly hit me. ‘That’s Ellie’s dog, isn’t it?’
Dad nodded. ‘I’m sorry. I only ever meant him to cheer you up, to keep you company at nights. But he has to go back now. Ellie’s missed him too.’
‘Like I care what that spoiled princess thinks,’ I muttered. My insides felt heavy. It wasn’t fair: I loved Barney. He loved me. Ellie seemed to get everything she wanted. Everything I wanted.
Back at home, Mum asked how the shopping trip had gone. I told her I’d got a new laptop.
‘Aren’t you lucky?’ she said, but her smile looked a bit frosty and she gave Dad a sharp look. Dad set it all up for me and later, as I sat tapping at the keyboard and listening to music, I could hear them shouting at each other in the kitchen. How had I ever thought they were getting it together again? I felt like a stupid kid, one who’d told myself a great big fairytale.
Dad wasn’t around the next morning when I came downstairs. Mum was there, cooking bacon and eggy bread. In fact, the smell woke me up, though I wasn’t hungry. ‘Special breakfast,’ she said, over-brightly. She gave me a hard hug. ‘Happy birthday, love.’
There were cards – one from Mum and a separate one from Dad. They used to sign the same one. And a card from my gran with a £20 note in it. Mum had got me a few books and a voucher to download some music. There were strawberry-scented soaps and some shower gel in a box and a pair of silver earrings. ‘I love them,’ I told Mum. ‘Thanks.’
‘Not as good as a laptop,’ she said, laughing, but with a little edge in her voice.
‘That was for Dad, not me. You know what he’s like,’ I said. Mum laughed again, properly this time. Later, over coffee, I got up the nerve to ask Mum if she wanted to get back together with Dad. If she said the same as Dad did yesterday, then I’d
