It was his mum, wiping her hands on her apron. She stood on the verandah and said, ‘You sure you don’t want to come and wait for him inside, Beth?’
‘I’ll wait here,’ said Beth. ‘I’ve got something I have to tell him.’
‘You can come in, Bethie, you’re family, love, you know that. You don’t have to wait out here, you’ve been out here for ages,’ and she held the door open.
Beth felt guilt coil in her soul and tighten around her veins. The waves in her stomach swelled. She couldn’t tell him in front of his mum and his brothers and sister.
‘No, it’s really all right,’ said Beth. ‘It’s cooled down a bit now, it’s turned into a pleasant evening. I don’t mind waiting out here,’ and she walked into the yard and planted herself on the verandah step.
‘I hope what you’re wanting to tell him is that you’ve set a date,’ said Missus Eales. ‘We’d all like to see that. Seeing as you’re both twenty-one next year, it’s a good age to marry. Why don’t you come in and help with the dinner?’
‘No, I’m fine, really,’ said Beth.
Missus Eales sighed, ‘Please yourself then,’ and went back inside. Beth knew she would never see the other side of that door again. Would Missus Eales ever talk to her after tonight?
She thought about the last twenty-four hours of her life and how much had changed in such a short time and how only the two of them knew about it yet. Though soon Colin would know and then so would everyone else. Beth rubbed her arms and tried to ignore the salty brinies sloshing around inside her.
She thought about yesterday. She had heard Edie’s final refusal, heard Theo accept it, and knew that he would never again come on a Sunday afternoon. He would never bring another rose and she simply couldn’t live without his roses. They were the way she was going to find her new life. They were charmed, she could feel it each time she walked into the laundry. She had leant into the wall listening to Edie and Theo, hoping the wall would hold her up because she felt like she was dissolving. Then Edie, holding Gracie’s hand, had walked past her and hadn’t even looked at her. Did she look right through her? Or was she writing in her notebook? Beth couldn’t remember but she did remember that once Edie had gone into the kitchen with Gracie, she had run out after him. There had to be more roses, there had to be more of him. She couldn’t just wait, she had to make it happen. She saw him walking aimlessly, his head down as though every last bit of life he had been holding on to had evaporated away. She could see he was empty and she could fill him up, so she took the chance that was right in front of her. She grabbed his hand and then they were swept away together. The roses had worked their magic. With him she became someone else, somewhere else.
She heard Colin before she saw him. She could hear his drunken singing getting louder as he came closer. Let me call you sweetheart … She stood up and watched him come around the corner. He and Davo Conroy were leaning into each other, trying to hold each other up. They walked right past her, both of them giving her wide foolish smiles as they passed, and they stumbled up to Davo’s gate where they untangled themselves from each other and Davo waved at Beth and she waved back. She watched Colin as he made his way back to her, holding onto the fence and singing.
He already looked like a stranger; he was somewhere she didn’t belong.
‘Let me call you sweetheart, I’m in love with you, let me hear you whisper that you love me too,’ he sang and then he grinned at her, a naughty schoolboy who’d been caught smoking behind the shelter shed.
‘How much have you drunk?’ she asked and immediately scolded herself. What was it to her any more what he drank?
‘Enough,’ he said. ‘Or maybe just a little bit more.’
‘Colin, I have to tell you something. I have to give you something.’
His grin widened and he looked towards the laneway.
She should wait until he was sober but she couldn’t wait, she had to tell him now, she had to start her life. ‘No, Colin listen to me.’
‘No laneway — that’s okay, come on love, let’s sit on our step,’ he said, wrapping his arms around her. She squirmed free and stood away from him. He lunged for her again and she stepped back again and said ‘Colin, no!’
‘Oh, don’t be like that, Bethie,’ he said. ‘You’ve seen me have a few before today.’
‘I don’t care if you’ve been drinking. Colin, listen — I have to talk to you. It’s important,’ and she crossed her arms over her chest. She shut herself off from him completely and he felt it like an icy gust that froze his soul. He saw the wall that had gone up between them, built in a second, brick on brick, until he knew he couldn’t reach her.
She saw the realisation spread across his face. She hated herself for what she was going to do to him. She put her hand over her heart; she needed to see if it was still there.
His gaze settled on her bare ring finger and his eyes travelled back up to her unreadable face. He’d always been able to read her face but now there was nothing. There was nothing there for him and the sudden gaping emptiness inside him sobered him up.
‘Where’s your ring, Beth?’ he asked quietly and dangerously.
She shook her head.
‘Bloody hell, Beth. Bleeding hell,’ he swore and kicked at the fence, splintering and smashing the thin palings.
Beth stood further away, she was afraid of what he might do.
He spun around and glared at her. ‘This
