She cringed at how tawdry he made it sound. It was a beautiful thing that Theo had done and Colin just never understood it, he never understood what she needed.
‘It’s not a game, Colin,’ she said quietly. ‘You know it’s not. You know I …’
He moved up close to her, his nose almost touching hers and she could smell his beery breath and she couldn’t breathe.
‘You don’t really love me. That’s what you’re going to say, isn’t it?’
He looked at her like he hated her. She couldn’t bear his hate, it slapped her harder than if he had hit her with his fist.
‘Beth, you don’t love me any more, do you?’
She nodded, she couldn’t lie any more. ‘I love you like a brother,’ she said, knowing it was lame and he stepped back and laughed. His laugh was harsh and bitter.
‘Well, Beth.’ He waved his hand in the air while he thought of what he wanted to say. He stepped in close to her again. ‘I love you and I always will. You might think you belong somewhere else, with someone else, but you don’t. You belong with me. And if you think you’re going to catch that Hooley — well, know this, Beth: he will never love you. He doesn’t belong with you like I do. He belongs with someone else and if you can’t see that you are blind. He doesn’t even know who you are, Beth, but I do. So you know what I’m going to do, Beth? You know what I’m going to do?’ He stopped and spun on his heels. He said calmly, ‘I’ll tell you what I’m not doing. I’m not bringing you frickin roses each week, that’s for sure, if that’s what you’re thinking. No, what I’m going to do is, I’m going to wait for you to come to your senses. Hmmm. Yes. You’ll come to your senses, Beth — you’ll see.’ And he walked inside and slammed the door on her.
She trembled and stood shaking for some time. She heard his mother call out from inside the house, ‘Is Beth okay?’ and she looked towards the window and she heard his voice reply, ‘She’s fine Ma, just leave her be.’ She saw his mother watching her from behind the curtains.
She realised she hadn’t given him the ring, so she took it out of her pocket and popped it in the letterbox.
A light came on in the front room next door and Beatrix Drake stepped onto her verandah and looked at her. She looked straight back, she would feel no shame in front of that Nurse Drake. Beatrix shook her head as if she was telling a child No, no, no, don’t you do that — you know that is wrong, you know there are consequences for bad children. Beth began to cry, it wasn’t happening the way it should. She should be happy but she wasn’t.
‘I always knew you wanted to be somewhere else and something else, Elizabeth Crowe. I just didn’t realise what you wanted belonged to someone else,’ said Beatrix.
Beth turned away and cried all the way back to Webster Street, where she now had to tell Edie she was engaged to Theo Hooley.
Part Two
Twenty-One
The Battle
Wednesday, 12 August 1914, when Theo finally decides to act and everyone agrees it is long overdue.
By the twelfth of August 1914 everyone was declaring war on everyone else. Germany declared war on Russia and interned eleven Russian chess players who were attending a tournament. Because everyone knew chess was a dangerous game of war. Then Germany declared war on Belgium and France. Great Britain, taking its children Australia, Canada and New Zealand with it, declared war on Germany. Australia fired the first Allied shots from guns at Fort Nepean as the German steamer SS Pfalz tried to sneak out of Port Phillip Bay. Montenegro declared war on Hungary and Austria. Austria and Hungary declared war on Russia and Serbia declared war on Germany. So Great Britain declared war on Austria and Hungary. Italy and America said they were going to sit it out and see where the chips fell. And the tennis went on and Australia beat England three to two.
The world became a schoolyard brawl. The Order of the White Feather was established so that boys not willing to throw their bodies into gunfire could be shamed into it. But Theo wasn’t a man who needed to be shamed into doing the right thing.
Theo stood by his window and looked at the row of trees that ran down the middle of the wide street. They invited children to climb in them and then mischievously sent them home with torn clothes; they invited lovers to carve their initials into them and then kept them even after the love had vanished. In summer they lavished the street with constant shade, but in winter they looked like skeleton trees; without their clothes they were naked and humbled.
Theo was in his flannelette pyjamas and his feet were bare and cold on the floorboards but he didn’t notice the coldness working its way up his legs; he was thinking. He had been woken early by the groaning of the trees in the wind. They were determined not to let him sleep and as he gazed at their exposed branches he made his plans. He had done nothing for long enough and if he kept doing nothing he would become nothing and any love that had kept him in the world would also disappear and amount to nothing.
He thought about the afternoon when he had taken Beth down by the lake. He couldn’t remember how it had happened. How had he made such an awful mistake? He had tried to remember, he had searched his mind for the
