I do not regret that I waited to tell my mom about the baby and get kicked to the curb. The extra time has given me a chance to save some money, which I have now spent on doctors and baby furniture. George refuses to take money for rent or even electricity. He claims that the bar pays the expenses of the studio and Liz will kill him or withhold sex if he takes money from baby Alex.
Even though I have continued to search and still have not found Alexander, my newfound family has been a blessing in our lives. My baby boy will have everything he needs and more love than he can handle. He will be smothered and protected by his Godparents, George, and Liz. Even though his biological grandmother wants nothing to do with either one of us, we will be fine.
~Savage~
Nine months and thirteen days after Livvy
It feels like a lifetime since I touched her, but her memory hasn’t faded from my mind. I still see her amber eyes as they glow in the dark when she’s aroused. I still feel her lush pink lips on mine, and I still hear her voice every night before I go to sleep, begging me to take her. I still wake up alone.
I woke up at 2:14 a.m. with my heart racing and an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something big is happening, but I don’t know what it is. As an FBI Agent, sometimes intuition can save a life; Jax and I have learned to follow ours. I roll over and dial his cell, hoping I don’t catch him in the middle of a session.
“Jesus, Mate, what’s wrong?”
He answers sleepily, so I guess I didn’t interrupt a session. “Intuition. Something big is going down and I can’t shake this feeling. I wanted to check on you and make sure everything is fine.”
“Everything is good, Mate. I’m home in bed asleep, well, I was. Maybe you’re still bothered about the little girl on the compound and her mother. She is safe and in hiding now, but that was a long case so maybe it’s still effecting you.”
One of Jax’s friends, Derek, is a private investigator. A couple that claimed their daughter was brainwashed and took their granddaughter to live in a compound of some religious cult hired him. Once Derek confirmed where the woman and her young daughter were living, he contacted the FBI to help him get them out. The compound was filled with children who didn’t have a choice or know any better because their parents either took them there or they were orphans. Being the victim of uncaring parents makes every child case hard for me.
“No, this feels more personal, like someone I care about is suffering.”
“Get some sleep, Mate. Maybe you should join me for a session this week.”
Everything with Jax can be cured by control and sex.
~Livvy~
“Congratulations, Livvy. You have a healthy baby boy.”
The doctor leans down and places a dark haired, light blue-eyed, piece of heaven into my arms. My tiny Alex weighs 7lbs. 14oz. and is 21 inches long. He has healthy lungs and a strong grip and looks just like his daddy. George and Liz stand on either side of my hospital bed staring in awe.
“Shoot, Honey, look at him. That is our Godson.”
George is crying and Liz is crying so now I am crying. He is so perfect and beautiful and mine. I wish Alexander was here to share him with, but I still haven’t found him, not from lack of trying.
“See, George, see. We could have one of those if you stopped worrying about all the things that can go wrong.”
Liz glances George’s way, but he still doesn’t look convinced that having a baby would be that easy.
“Livvy, he is the most precious baby in the entire world. We are so honored to be his Godparents. Thank you for sharing him with us,” Liz praises me.
I had been in labor since a little after 2:00 a.m. and although it is only 7:19 a.m. that was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It is also the most rewarding. I have decided that no matter the reason Alexander left that morning, I can’t be mad because he gave me this amazing blessing to love. I wonder if I’ll ever stop searching the crowds for him. When I save some money, I will take my baby to Miami Beach boardwalk and tell him a love story of how his mommy and daddy met.
Chapter Eight
Intuition:
*a thing that one knows or considers likely from instinctive feeling rather than conscious reasoning.
~Savage~
It has been almost three months since the last gut instinct jerked me awake, causing me to call Jax in the middle of the night to make sure things were good. Now I just keep the panic to myself or Jax will try to drag me to The X Club for a session hoping that it will clear my head. He has tried to convince me to see a therapist about my obsession since my most recent vacation was spent in Miami on the boardwalk one year to the day that I found and lost her. He would probably try to have me committed if I told him of my latest investment in Miami, so I will just keep that to myself.
I have tried to date but no one compares. Am I setting myself up for failure for future relationships? I am a twenty-five-year-old successful male in his prime, so why do I feel like my life is stuck in a time warp from a year ago and I can’t move forward. Why can’t I develop Tag’s revolving door policy?
Rolling out of bed, I stumble to the
