~Livvy~
Once again I find myself driving to my mom’s house with Alex, hoping she will open the door this time since she won’t answer her phone. I keep coming here, not for myself, but for Alex. He is only three months old and I pray that she will take one look at him and fall in love. I know she struggled being a single mother, but I’ve heard that being a grandmother is usually more enjoyable because you can give them back to the parents when they misbehave. After becoming a mother myself, I have a new appreciation for everything that my mother went through trying to raise a child on her own. Even though things ended badly between us six months ago, I want her to know that I don’t harbor any hard feelings toward her. I know she only wanted the best for me and was afraid of me following in her shoes. I myself struggle to be a great mother. I wish I didn’t have to work so much or that Alex didn’t have to spend so much time with George and Liz while I finish school. Knowing that I do these things to better our lives will make the sacrifice worth it in the end; won’t it?
I pull behind my mother’s car in the driveway and take a deep breath. “Here goes nothing, Alex.” While I’m pulling him from his car seat, I notice the curtains close out of the corner of my eye. That’s fine. If I have to talk to her through the door I will. After standing on the porch with no answer, I realize, that will be my only option. “Hey, Mom, I hope you are feeling well. I just wanted to stop by and let you meet Alex, your grandson...please call me, Mom. I have a lot that needs to be said but I don’t want to do it on your front porch.” With still no answer, I hang my head and go back to my car.
Back at the bar, I pass Alex to Liz so she can take him home while I work the late shift. This is the hardest part of my day. George and Liz are wonderful to us but I wish that I could do everything myself. Not completely myself; I wish I had a husband to share the trials and the joys with. Not just any husband, Alexander, but that is not in the cards for me.
~Savage~
A desperate feeling to find Livvy comes over me again today. I feel that if I don’t find her soon, things will turn out badly and my chances of reconnecting with her will be zero. My obsession comes in spurts. Almost like when she is hurt or in danger my intuition kicks in and my need to find her ramps up. Of course, just as I pull up a name search, Jax walks in.
“Hey, Mate. What ya up to?”
Jax glances at the screen then back at me with his eyebrows raised and I know the lecture is coming.
“We are shorthanded at the club tonight if you want to join me. One of the Dominatrix is out sick and you could fill in for her.”
Sex is Jax’s answer for everything. Domination and control will put me back on track, he says. Even though I have never participated sexually, and I’ve only flogged a few of his subs, he hasn’t given up on me yet. One of these days, I might take him up on his offer, but not tonight.
At 10:00 p.m., well after everyone else has gone home for the night, I shut down my computer and make my way out of the building. I think I’ll drown my sorrows in a couple of shots of whiskey before passing out. Hopefully, that will dim my visions of her.
~Livvy~
“Come on, Livvy, just one date? I promise to keep my hands to myself. I don’t expect anything other than to get to know you better. Dinner and a movie is all I’m asking for, please?”
Jerry is a really nice guy, but something seems a little off. He has come into the bar almost every night for the last few weeks and just sits and talks to me while I work. He doesn’t drink anything but soda, but tips me very well. He is also good looking in a boy-next-door sort of way; so why am I so hesitant? “Okay,” I whisper. I don’t want anyone else hearing that I’m willing to get on the dating train. I have been successful in avoiding any and all suitors, until now.
“Really, when?”
“I’m off tomorrow night, so if Liz can watch Alex, I can go to dinner. I don’t want to be gone too long from my son, but I can spare a couple of hours.”
“Great! I’ll pick you up at six.”
For the next few months Jerry and I fall into a simple routine of dinner or a movie a couple of times a week. We have even taken Alex with us on a few dates, but Alex doesn’t seem to like Jerry very much. Have babies developed intuition at this age?
“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday baby Alex, happy birthday to you! Yeah!”
Gathered around the pub booth are George, Liz, Jerry and myself. Today my baby is one-year-old, and we have to celebrate a little early before the bar opens at noon. George gave me the day off, but we are shorthanded, so Liz has to work.
Alex squeals and plants his face in the small birthday cake. We all laugh at the shocked expression on his face when he realizes that his
