Love ya,
C.P.C.
Dear Young Freshman Matthew Bloom,
I am really gettin’ a handle on your name, Matt, and I was wondering if I may call you Matthew. I think it suits you better as it is more of a statement. Matthew. Matt. See what I mean?
Look at you buying Anaïs Anaïs for Joy. I’m very flattered that I inspired that fragrance choice. Smells are a funny thing, Matthew. They define moments and memories. I don’t love Drakkar Noir (no offense), as my ex-boyfriend, Timmy Garabino, wore it, and every time I smell it I remember our breakup. It was a very, veeerry intense breakup, Matthew. I don’t usually talk about it, but seein’ as you shared with me your crush on Joy and other very intimate details about your sex life, I find it only fair to start lettin’ you in on my world.
Timmy graduated South High some years back. He was an exceptional lover. He had the biggest . . . well, he was a big boy, Matthew. It’s not like I’ve been with a lot of guys ’cuz I haven’t at all. I am no Kathy Connery! Don’t get me wrong, she’s a sweet girl and I’ve known her since nursery school, but she had a three-way with Steve Mazulo and Billy Moriarty and they’re total skids (people who smoke pot behind the school and won’t ever become anything). I am not a slut. I am a romantic girl stuck in a town that has no concept of romance.
Timmy and I were at the reservoir (I hate when people call it “the rez,” reducing it to somethin’ trashy when in fact it’s quite beautiful, especially in a town where strip malls with places called Wicked Good Nails and Wicked Good Shoes and Wicked Great Bagels make up the bulk of the geography), and things definitely went in a different direction than I had thought, and I have the best perception-compass, so you can imagine how shocked I was. Especially ’cuz I was wearin’ Timmy’s Drakkar Noir–doused flannel. Boys don’t let just anyone wear their flannels or jackets. Everyone knows that. Do you know that, Matthew? Never ever let just any girl wear your flannel or jacket unless you have love in your heart. K?
So anyway . . . we had been goin’ out for a while, and I just got caught up in the moment, Matthew. Who wouldn’t? The sun was goin’ down, which made the reservoir glimmer like a sea of diamonds, and the early springtime breeze was just right. Not too strong, not too weak. Just enough to blow my extremely long hair (it was longer than it is now even—I know, crazy, right?) right onto my lips, and a lot of it got stuck on my Lip Smackers (Dr Pepper, as I know you’re wonderin’). I was like basically a cat for a minute (tee-hee, tee-hee), no, but seriously, a few pieces got in my mouth, like in my throat, so I was literally a cat for a minute, no joke . . . but Timmy . . . he didn’t skip a beat. Nope. He just took his hands and unstuck my hair from my lips. I pulled the pieces from my mouth, and he just looked at me the way a boy looks at a girl when he loves her. It was as romantic as it gets for a Sophomore girl dating a Senior guy. I felt it. I knew it. So I said it. I said, “I know. I love you, too.” He smiled and stared at me and then he said, “Let’s get goin’.”
We got in his Volvo, and I was in my head thinkin’, “Oh my god . . . is he takin’ me to Ken’s SteakHouse? Is he takin’ me to see Say Anything? Where is this boy taking me??” And you know where he took me, Matthew? Home. We got to my house, he pulled into my driveway, and he said, “Take care.” And I said, “Of what?” And he said, “Of you.”
He then reached over me and unlocked my door. I didn’t move, I couldn’t. I didn’t understand what was happening. I was young, world-weary, immature. Then he reached over me again and opened my door. I got out, and that was that. The last time I saw Timmy Garabino.
Was I sad? Sure. Of course I was, Matthew—I’m not a Nintendo game, I’m a human girl. But I’m also Tara Maureen Murphy, so what did I do? I threw myself into my acting. I got an amazing supporting role in A Chorus Line (Connie Wong), but bein’ me I turned it into a major role. I chopped my hair off to be Connie Wong (the things real actresses do, right?), and I once again found true happiness in the theater.
Do I still have that flannel? Yes. But it’s sealed in a bag, and it’s in my Sophomore year box. Needless to say, Drakkar Noir makes me sick, so definitely do what you want but DO NOT wear it around me. K? Also, I’m not sayin’ Joy doesn’t have class, but Drakkar isn’t the classiest fragrance around.
Everything makes sense when you grow up, Matthew. Like now, the thought of someone like me dating someone like Timmy Garabino is absolutely absurd. I mean, Timmy compared to Christopher? Fool’s gold. Hilarious. There is no comparison.
And while Christopher is a very good guy (and I find him beyond attractive), I’m gonna tell you somethin’, Matthew, and you gotta promise you will never say anything . . . ready????????? Chris is kinda boring me.
I need someone smart and interesting. Someone who makes me laugh. Someone who will have inside jokes with me. Someone I can, like, have my own language with. Do you know anyone in this town like that? And I mean, besides you ’cuz you’re into Joy and it’s not like I like
