‘Kate, I’d love to,’ I said, tearing up. ‘My first client.’ I smiled, standing up to hug her.
***
Over the course of the following week, Andrew texted me twice but I hadn’t replied. It would be better to just let him and ‘Luce’ get on with life. I’d busied myself with the house, the nursery, and I’d even started planning Kate’s ceremony. The baby bath still sat on the kitchen worktop so I carried it upstairs to the nursery where I unpacked the items and put them away neatly. I had a cute little pink, cotton hanging shelf for nappies and emptied them out of the packaging.
As I folded the empty cardboard box, something fell out onto the floor. It looked like a credit card or something. Bending down wasn’t easy. I’d resorted to slip-on shoes even – it was ridiculous. I put my legs in a wide squat position and lowered, taking deep breaths and trying to avoid panting. I scrambled around on the floor, my fingertips managing to brush against it but not pick it up. I widened my legs further and went down again. Pressure was everywhere in my body but I managed to pick up the card.
Straightening up, I was out of breath and burst out laughing. It was funny – all those personal training sessions, feeling so smug about my toned physique. Pregnancy isn’t pretty. Why the hell did I bother with all that bullshit? I was still laughing until tears rolled down my face when I looked at the card. It wiped the smile off my face immediately. It was Andrew’s gym card.
I grabbed a packet of salt and vinegar crisps and paced the ground floor from the front door, past the kitchen and sofa, to the patio doors and back. I could just bin it. I paced again. I should be nice and give it back – he’s done nothing wrong. I paced again. I could post it to his school. I was still pacing. Crisps did not have the same effect as wine but they were bloody delicious. I couldn’t post it to his school – that would be odd. I had to remind myself that, in Andrew’s eyes, I was still his friend. A friend would text their friend to let them know they’d left something behind. They definitely would. I grabbed my phone before I had time to change my mind.
Just putting baby things away and found your gym card in the nappy box.
I pressed send and it was done. I opened another packet of crisps and stared at my phone until two empty packets sat on the coffee table. He hadn’t texted back.
I woke the following morning early and freezing cold on the sofa. Heaving myself up I stretched my arms, remembering not to stretch my tummy muscles out even though they desperately needed it.
I’d made a decaf coffee and some toast before I glanced at my phone. Some kind of feeling dashed about my stomach when I saw who it was from, but I refused to let it be excitement.
I wondered where that went. Can I pick it up? A x
That meant I’d see him. Unless I left it under a plant pot outside like my mum used to do with our door key. I contemplated the pot idea. Surely one more feast for the eyes wouldn’t hurt? I was so persuasive. And it was worrying that many of my conversations of late were in my own head. I made a mental note to organise something for the charity, where I could speak to actual people.
Of course. I’ll keep it safe. C x
Thx, you’re a star. Does weekend work? Got a busy week. A x
I took a deep breath. He’d probably be with Luce in the week, perhaps she’d moved in and had his dinner ready each night like I had for James, and since Andrew wasn’t the type to shag the secretary, or whoever else, he’d dash off home as early as he could each night to his caring partner.
No problem. I’ll be in all weekend. C x
***
I’d not thought about him all week. It was a conscious decision. A forced decision. A decision that would have perhaps required drugs to control in some people. But I focused on work and I pushed Andrew out of my mind. I started seeking venues for Kate’s vow renewal and looked into colour schemes and bands.
It was Saturday morning before I allowed myself to think about Andrew. By the time the doorbell went, I’d convinced myself that ‘Luce’ would be with him.
‘Hello.’ I swung the door open and beamed.
‘Er, parcel, love.’ It was just the postman and I felt so foolish I practically snatched it from him.
The postmark was Peru. Intrigued, I opened it. It was a strange-looking soft doll. I eyed it for a moment before digging into the package to see if there was a note.
Our dearest Charlotte,
We’re sorry it’s been so long since we were last in touch. We did send a postcard from Hawaii last month – hope you received it. We know you’ll be busy and not thinking much about us but wanted to let you know, we got your email and are thrilled you and James are going to have a baby – it just made us up!
We’ll be back in England next year (flights pending) and can’t wait to see you all. The doll is for the baby. It’s an Andean doll from Peru.
Hope James is taking good care of you, darling.
We love you.
Mum and Dad
xxx
I sunk into the sofa. When I’d emailed the scan picture, I didn’t mention anything about me and James but somehow it seemed peculiar for them to assume we were still together. I made a mental note to email them and let them know later. There was no rush since it takes them months to check their email. I took the doll upstairs to the nursery and there was another knock at the door as I
