I shifted in the chair, trying to sit in a position that still enabled me to have somedecency. Besides, I wanted to die with pride and honor. I jumped when I felt the coldwire from the garrote. At first, it was wrapped loosely around my neck. Then it tightened,my head slammed into the headrest. My veins looked like wild vines as they protrudedfrom my neck. Then, I felt something snap and my head rolled around loosely. It wasover.
We are the shadows. The shadows. The shadows. The shadows. We are the buriedsouls that live through you. Our pain is your pain.”
I opened my eyes and then my mouth. I was choking. Hurriedly, I crawled out of thebed, clenching my stomach. I was sweating and exhausted. I looked up and saw Nicostanding over me. I was slobbering like a toddler. My stomach convulsed and all of myfood came up and out. Tiny particles from the vomit rested on my tongue and lipsbecause I was just too weak to wipe it off. It left a bitter taste in my mouth.
“I can’t do it anymore.” I said pleadingly. “I just can’t do this anymore.”
Nico didn’t say anything. He just turned on his heel and left the room.
~ ~ ~
Chapter Eleven
Nico warned me not to tell anybody. Suddenly, I knew that all of the stories that Ihad heard about him were true. I saw everything at night, in my dreams. I saw horriblethings, and once I saw them. I couldn’t get them out. They just stuck in my mind likecrazy glue. Nico told me that I had to earn my keep. That everyone in the house had toearn his or her keep. Besides, I had no one else to love me or care for me. I had nowhereto go. I hadn’t seen or heard from my mother in over six months, and my dad wasnowhere to be found.
Nico decided to enroll Ali and Blazen in school. Not because he wanted them tohave an education, but because he wanted them to do work for him. He asked me if Iwanted to go back to school. I thought about it long and hard and realized that I did. Iwanted to do anything to escape Nico’s house for a few hours. Things were different thistime around. I was no longer starving, dirty, and poor. I went to school with a fullstomach and wearing designer clothing that came from a major department store. Butthere was a huge void in my life. I felt like I wasn’t alive anymore.
The children whispered to themselves, wondering who the three new kids were.After about ten minutes, a long yellow school bus pulled up. There were a total of twelvekids who climbed on. The boys seemed to gravitate to the back of the bus, where therowdiest and loudest thugs in school sat. I timidly walked over and sat next to a youngboy, with glasses that were as big as goggles. I was too afraid to speak, so I just sat insilence.
The buses pulled up to the schoolyard and parked in chronological order. A sirenwent off, and all of the kids rushed off of the bus. When I reached the center of theschoolyard, I spotted a small clique of girls. Immediately, I spotted Blazen. Then, Iremembered that she had taken the express route to school. She had one of her boyfriendsdrive her.
Her face was freshly painted, her t-shirt was fitted, rolled up and tied around hermidriff, and her skirt was so short, that when she bent over, her polka dot panties playedpeek a boo. Blazen was a beauty. However, she seemed to be failing in the brainsdepartment. This was her second time in the tenth grade. Hurriedly, I looked away, butnot before Blazen spotted me.
“Hey Nelly,” she yelled from across the schoolyard.
Shit, I cursed to myself. I looked over and saw that she was motioning for me tocome over. I mumbled under my breath as I took slow painful steps over to the other side
of the schoolyard. They were all older than me, sprouting breast, hips and buttocks. Ismiled meekly, while I waved with my right hand.
“Hey girls,” Blazen said, while chewing like a cow on a stick of gum.
“This is my prima, Nelly.”
“Nelly?” said one of the girls wearing skintight jeans and a strapless shirt. “What’syour real name?” she continued.
I took long deep breaths and rehearsed the words in my mind before I spoke. Theystammered when they came out.
“My n, n, n, name is N, N, N Nelandez.”
The girls all took one look at each other and burst out laughing. One girl could notsuppress her zeal and cried out, “It sounds like she has a log of shit in her mouth”
A surge of hot blood rushed to my face, and I looked down at the floor. The schoolbell rang.
“I will see you around N, N, N, N, Nelandez,” chimed one girl, as she threw her hotpink backpack over her shoulder and walked away.
I swallowed back my tears. I didn’t want to cry.
I walked to my ninth grade homeroom class and swung into a desk in the front row. Idid not want to see anyone; I did not want to talk to anyone.
My eyes were glued to the clock, waiting for the bell to ring. I could hear it ticking.First, the teacher introduced herself. Then, she asked all the students to do the same. Likedominos, the students stood up, one after another, introducing themselves to the class andsaying a little about themselves. I started to shake from anxiety. I didn’t want to tellanyone my name. My heart began to pound, like a hammer was being banged against mychest. I looked at the clock
