Yes. Yes. This was a party. I felt warm inside, and I slowly realized that this was thehappiest I had been in a long time. I spotted Ali. I didn’t see him much anymore. He wasleaning against a tree, wearing a white wife beaters shirt and baggy jeans. His hair wasbraided back neatly in corn rolls. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t walk over and wishme happy birthday. He just stood there and looked at me. Blazen walked over to him,they exchanged looks, and then they both eyed me like thieves casing a joint. I wasconfused. I started to walk over to them and ask them what was wrong. When someonewho handed me another gift sidetracked me.
“Happy birthday Nelly,” said a young couple before they marched off in the oppositedirection.
Soon, my party was in full swing. I don’t remember much of it. I guess I was havingway too much fun. People from all walks of life gathered to dance, and talk about thegood ole days. I never wanted this day to end. I saw Nico out of the corner of my eye. Icringed as he made his way over to me. He rested one black hand on my shoulder.
“Mija, are you enjoying your party?” he said.
Yes, I was enjoying my party until you came over. Why can’t you just leave mealone? I looked away. For some reason, I could never look directly at Nico. His eyeswere creepy. I turned and focused on the tent. Nico grabbed my chin and positioned myhead at eye level, forcing me to look at him.
“All this is for you. Everything that I do is for you,” he said.
I was scared to turn my head or to push him away, out of fear that he would ring myneck like a chicken. Instead, I just stared at him blankly.
“Mija, you know that I love you. I’m the only one who loves you,” he said whilereleasing my chin and stroking the side of my cheek. It was another loving gesture, but itmade me sick to my stomach.
“Just remember, nobody can give you what I can give you,” he said while pullingaway.
I flushed from embarrassment; I looked around to see if anyone had witnessedNico’s public display of affection. I turned and saw Blazen and Ali looking at me. Iturned beet red. Blazen’s eyes were burning hot from jealousy. Ali just looked sorrowfuland then disappointed, like a mother seeing her son for the first time behind bars. Did Ilet him down? I didn’t mean to. I just wanted to do what Nico told me to do. He told methat I had to do it, because everyone had to earn his or her keep. I wanted to walk over tomy brother and throw my arms around him. I wanted to beg and plead for us to go backand live as squatters, so I wouldn’t feel any shame, or guilt, or fear about who I was.
Our eyes meet briefly. He ripped his away and walked into the house. I didn’t enjoythe rest of the day. I opened my gifts hoping that they would make me feel better. Icontinued to rip open boxes, like a fat lady stuffing donuts into her mouth, secretlyhoping that the gifts would ease the terrible pain that was in my heart. I opened the lastgift and paused, I held it up like it was a worm I had just dug up from the soil. I wasrepulsed by it. I wanted to walk over and throw the fucking thing in Nico’s face. It was asolid gold chain with diamond lettering that simply said, Mija. I balled it up in my hands,trying to break it. I didn’t want it. I didn’t want any of the gifts. It made me feel cheap,like I could be bought and sold like a fucking slave. I couldn’t hide my feelings anymore. I threw the chain down on the ground, kicked the boxes and ran into the house.
I flopped onto the bed, face first and cried. I really wanted my mommy. I didn’tcome out for the rest of the night and no one came in to check up on me. I didn’t want togo to sleep, too many nightmares. Instead, I just watched the clock dreading everyminute, hoping that it would never turn 12:00pm. But in the end, it did. I didn’tphysically see Nico, but I could feel him in the room. He had some strange affect on me.It was like my mind was going in and out of consciousness as it moved from darkness tolight and back into darkness again.
Then I heard the sounds of a ship at sea. Swoosh, the ship rocked back and forth as itbattled the turbulent waters. Swoosh, the boat rocked again. My stomach was in knots. Iwiggled my small hands and then my feet, I could not move. I could not move.
“Stop all that fidgeting brother, someone besides me whispered, if you don’t stop,we’re all going to die.”
He spoke to me in a timorous voice and in a strange language that for some reason Iseemed to understand.
“Where am I?” I whispered to the man in the same strange language he had spokento me in.
“Nobody knows, brother, nobody knows,” He whispered back.
There were in total about one hundred and twenty of us. We were all lying on ourbacks and both our hands and feet were shackled. The air was thick and murky like acontaminated lake.
The rocking seized and then
